Oh what a MASSHOLE!

I am trying to pull myself away from the boob tube for a few minutes and jot down some thoughts concerning what else, douche bags! First, with the recent election in Iran, I was having a hard time telling the difference between Iran and downtown LA…Bada bing, thank you, I’ll be here all week, don’t forget to tip your waitresses! Of course just as I’m reading some hilarious Twitter reports from people in Tehran I see an article that was just updated stating that Kevin Youkilis just went ahead of Mark Texieria in the All Star voting, by a whopping 1100 and change!! Are you kidding me? Who is the cunt that wrote that article? The span of 1100 votes in All Star voting lasts almost as long as it takes Jonathan Papel-douche to name his favorite Jerry Spinger show… Which we all know he loves to ramble off… “I’m 50 and I slept with an 18 year old amputee with tourettes syndrome”. By the time you’re done reading this article I’m sure the vote will be different.
As you know I don’t like to stray off topic, which I usually never do, but I want to mention Artie Lange’s appearance on the Joe Buck show on HBO last night. Maybe I’m not straying off topic by much since Mr. Lange is huge Yankees fan. What is Joe Buck doing hosting a show on HBO? And what are Paul Rudd and Jason Sudekis(sp) doing on there as his first guests? Ok, the show did get a lot of press just as it started because he interviewed Brett Favre, but then ESPN stopped watching. But talk about a bore-fest! Artie is crude, rude and speaks his mind and doesn’t care about offending anyone. He is just what that show needed, a good kick in the ass. All those Politically Correct people out there, and I’m sure that’s my core demographic, should take a chill for a second. If you’re like me you felt so bad for David Letterman last night when he made that apology to Governor Palin, again PC. On CNN the ticker that goes by underneath the screen said, “Governor Palin accepts Letterman’s apology but admits changes should be made”. WHAT CHANGES! We need people like Lange and Letterman and FTHEREDSOX… to toot our horn!
Speaking of Douche Bags, the other day I was ranting about The Douche or to some of you The Eck for Dennis Eckersley the ex-pitcher and now announcer for the Sux. He is our new champion now that Cunt Schilling is old news and Big Retardi is washed up, but I want to mention something about Dustin Pedroia, the second baseman for the Sux. How did he win the MVP last year? Ok, he’s got talent but he’s no MVP. I was watching the game the other day and watching him closely, well not that close, but I was in the South End at the time (Bostonians know what I mean). Pedroia is the proto-typical MASSHOLE, and I don’t even know if he’s from New England, but his look embodies what every male MASSHOLE goes for in a look. He has that gay goatee, or part of one on his face, you can tell he’s got a little Napoleon complex due to his size and the jewelry he wears while playing. You see every Douche Bag MASSHOLE male between the ages of 17 and 42 wear gay douche bag jewelry around their neck because they think it’s cool or hip. It usually consists of some type of hemp or seashell necklace that’s tight around your neck, most of the time they wear two of them. I see why he’s a fan favorite, because he is the face of Red Sux County, not because he’s a good ballplayer, but because he is the embodiment of MASSHOLE-NESS across the land.
So to sum up, TWITTER has some funny things being posted by Iranians, Lange and Letterman are funny people and Dustin Pedroia is a true MASSHOLE, thank you.

Softball, rain and The Douche!

The Yankees/Red Sux series is underway and I have to say without a doubt that Dennis Eckersley is a total douchebag. I’ll be honest I always thought he was ever since his days with Oakland with that gay hair and mustache, but after listening to him do games he really is a douche. Our ole buddy The Rem Dog is out, he’s be battling cancer for a bit so we wish him the best(you see, I have a heart). In his place is Eckersley, the Eck or The Douche as he is now called. I don’t want to talk about him anymore; he’s just a total douche!
Burnett just didn’t have it tonight, he sucked, and Josh Beckshitt was really good. The weather doesn’t help either; Ftheredsox had their first softball game of the year and let me tell you, it was no fun playing out there. (We lost 14-0 by the way).
I want to veer off the path a bit and mention the Baseball Draft. WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE BASEBALL DRAFT! They are pushing this thing so hard, it’s laughable. It’s not like football or basketball where you will see those guys the following year; in Baseball you won’t see this guy for at least a year and usually more. In 1990, I think it was the Yanks signed Brien Taylor this young kid who you thought was the second coming of Cy Young. They paid him a shit load of cash and the bastard didn’t even play! He ended up getting in a bar fight or something and ruined his career, so I don’t really pay attention to the draft at all since then. It does show you how great Baseball is though, how it the hardest sport to play, and I love that about it.
I need to mention Big Retardi though, he hit a homerun, though to be honest my Ftheredsox softball team could have hit Burnett tonight and again, we lost 14-0 tonight. Now the Big Retard is hitting above .200 I think, maybe .203 with a wopping 2 homeruns, HAHAHAHAHA!

F-Jackie
F-Beckshitt
F-The Douche
F-Big Retardi
F-Burnett
F-Tito
F-Johnny Pesky
F-Eastie
F-Southie
F-Massholes

Big Retardi... the new Satchel Paige!

Hopefully this will be my last post concerning the bashing of Big Retardi... but I doubt it! Apparently there is a scout out there that reportly said that Big Retardi is probably older than he says he is. It's like Satchel Paige who pitched until he was like 48 or 54 or 59, no one never really new.
Here's the story snip-it from SI.com.


8:26 AM ET 06.07
The theories on David Ortiz's descent are plentiful. They range from physical (he never recovered from wrist and knee injuries), to strategic (he misses Manny Ramirez batting behind him), to mental (he's got no confidence), to visual (he said he plans to get his eyes checked), to pure speculation (he's older than his stated age of 33 or he's no longer using steroids). "The chances of his birth certificate being accurate are zero," the scout said. "That's both birth certificates. Remember, he was David Arias [when he played in the minor leagues for] Seattle." Whatever the reasons, the results have left Ortiz and the Sox on a quest for a solution. Manager Terry Francona and hitting coach Dave Magadan have searched for answers in the batting cage. The early prognosis was Ortiz was not getting his hands back into a hitting position quickly enough. When that fix didn't work, Francona gave him some days off to relax. When that failed, Francona dropped Ortiz in the batting order from No. 3 to No. 6.

Like I've said before, whatever the case is... he's done!

Hey Four Eyes...

I wasn’t going to comment, I figured the guy’s had enough right? I am talking of course about Big Retardi, his woes at the plate are just awful. Like I said its old news by now, he’s done, fork! But I was reading an article in ESPN about Big Retardi and I had to mention something about one of the comments a person left at the bottom of the article:

• CHillout1016 says:
June 5, 2009, 9:33 AM ET
As a Sox Fan it pains me to see Ortiz go through this. I personally just think his bat slowed down. It happens! It's going to happen to every player at some point. It's to bad it happened to him so early. I would have liked to see another 2 good years out of him. But really Mr. Ortiz, (oh the pain to say this) it just may be the time to go. However, for as long as you stay, I will cheer you on just like any other sox fan at any at bat you take. Even if it means you strike out, fly out or ground it with 2 men on and 2 outs :(

Sorry folks, I think I pasted the wrong comment, this comment looks like it’s straight out of “Cock and Balls Weekly”, I mean, Hello Frisco!
What? You mean this is the actual comment from ESPN, WOW! Well, now do you agree with me? Red Sux fans are gayer than a French Horn!I love in the article where he calls him Mr. Ortiz, come on, Mr. Ortiz, GAY! The second to last sentence is probably the best, “However, for as long as you stay, I will cheer you on just like any other sox fan at any at bat you take”. GAY! You know what I think? I think that Sux fans would feel better about themselves if they booed a bit. You see folks, the Red Sux players take you for granted, they know whatever they do you will always have their back. They see Sux fans as the ugly chick with the ok body that will put out at any time of night. Sux fans are the ultimate “Booty Call” for Pedroia, Varitek, Bay, Drew. They know they can suck it up like nobody’s business and you’ll always love them, pathetic.
Here’s my solution… START BOOING THE MOTHER FUCKER! That’s right, Big Retardi can’t hit anymore, BOO HIM, he laughs too hard at a joke, BOO HIM, he talks to much to reporters, BOO HIM. Maybe then he’ll see that he better get back on the ball and start working harder.


The buzz up here is that Big Retardi is going to the eye doctor because they’ve pretty much exhausted every reason why he sucks this year. I have a few questions to ask if I may… When the eye doctor asks Big Retardi to read the letters off the chart, can he do that? Also, how many times do you think it will take Big Retardi to get his chin just right on that machine that you look through? I mean the guys hitting .178, I’m sure he’s going to be slipping off that thing left and right. A couple of years ago I would say that the machine to test your eyes would be too small to hold the huge head of Big Retardi, but now since he’s off the Juice, or he’s got Swine Flu or the Hivvy, it shouldn’t be a problem right? I myself have never worn glasses in my life, my whole family did, but I was fortunate, so I know what Big Retardi is going through. The taunts he’ll endour from the other ballplayers will probably be awful. Ballplayers can be so cruel, can’t they! I was always petrified if I got glasses what people would call me, you see it was the 80’s and making fun of people with glasses was common. So the other day I conducted a test, I walked around for a day with glasses on, and let me tell you, the insults were worse than I could imagine. I lasted about two hours with the glasses before they were actually torn off my face and I was punched several times. My hat that I was wearing and my shirt were torn off, and it sucks because I just bought that Jeter jersey and a new fitted Yankees cap… That’s the last time I wear glasses at Fenway

You hate us so much don't you? You MASSHOLE!

Another reason MASSHOLES hate the Yankees...



18 Games without an error, breaking the 2006 Red Sux's record!

Since they obsess over it in April we'll talk about it a bit!

MLB Standings, Pro Baseball Standings, Major League Baseball Standings and Team Records - ESPN

Manny Ramirez To David Ortiz: Road Trip

I love the Onion...


SOMEWHERE ALONG I-65—Best buddies Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, both of whom find themselves at professional crossroads and both desperately wanting to rekindle their friendship, decided on Sunday that a soul-searching road trip was the key to resolving their personal problems.

"I called David and I said, 'David! Hey, David! It's Manny. Road trip, man! Let's do this!' And he said, 'Okay,' and now he is with me in the car here," Ramirez told reporters in a cell phone interview while driving on the interstate. "Papi isn't hitting so good, and I'm not even playing, and we miss each other and love each other, and because we play on different baseball teams now, I play on the Los Angeles Dodgers, and he plays for the Boston Red Sox, I think, and we don't get to spend quality time with each other like we did when we played on the same team, you know?"

"Uh-oh, it says Corvette Museum next right. I got to go, man," Ramirez added. "Hey, Papi, do we have any more Slim Jims?"

According to sources, Ramirez pulled up to Ortiz's Weston, MA home last Sunday, a selection of Tom Petty hits blaring from the stereo of his faded red 1966 Ford Galaxie 500 convertible. After embracing each other, a visibly somber Ortiz told Ramirez, "I don't know what's going on with me, man. I'm not hitting the baseball." Ortiz then threw his battered duffel bag in the car's backseat and asked Ramirez where they were headed.

Ramirez responded, "Just get in."

Several seconds after pulling out of Ortiz's driveway, the car's rear bumper fell off and the overstuffed trunk sprung open, sending a food-laden cooler, several bags, and a shoe box marked "fireworks" out onto the road.

According to eyewitness accounts, the former teammates have been crisscrossing the country with no apparent final destination. They have taken pictures of each another in front of the world's biggest hockey stick in Eveleth, MN; the world's tallest thermometer in Baker, CA; the giant fiberglass muskellunge at the Freshwater Fishing Hall of Fame in Hayward, WI; and while dressed in Lazer Tag uniforms at the Fun Fest Entertainment Center in Harmarville, PA.

While both Ortiz and Ramirez have spent the majority of their trip laughing and reminiscing about when they were the most feared hitting tandem in baseball, their journey has not been without its serious moments. Ortiz reportedly made Ramirez spit out human growth hormone pills in a Motel 6 bathroom in Columbia, MS, and then forced him to flush the rest of his steroid-filled syringes down the toilet.

Ramirez and Ortiz also got into a shouting match in Abilene, TX, when in an attempt to reinvigorate Ortiz's passion for baseball, Ramirez tried to make his best friend watch a Little League ball game.

"You said there would be no baseball," said Ortiz, refusing to leave the car. "I hate baseball. I can't hit the baseball. You know that. If you care so much about me and baseball, why you leave me? Why you leave me by myself in Boston, Manny? Why you do that? Why you act so bad? Boston's a good place."

"You need to deal with that, man. You need to come to terms," Ramirez said. "I never going back to Boston. But, man, look at these kids. This is baseball, man. Little kids having fun and not injecting themselves with steroids and women pills and just stepping up there and hitting the ball. You gotta face it, man. We gotta face it together."

"Everybody's left me, you know?" Ortiz responded, tears streaming down his face. "You left me, Pedro left me. The only one who doesn't leave is Jason [Varitek], and he don't talk to me. He don't talk to anyone."

Witnesses at the scene said that, as the two sluggers cried in each other's arms, Ramirez and Ortiz's attention focused on the Little League diamond, where a player had just hit a walk-off home run. Ramirez whispered to Ortiz, "That is like you in the playoffs, man, but bigger. Remember that? You just go up there and hit the ball. You don't need to think. You're Big Papi. You go up there and be Big Papi."

Ramirez and Ortiz were subsequently sighted exiting a Terre Haute, IN 7-Eleven store wearing Indianapolis 500 baseball caps and brand new neon-orange sunglasses.

"The bigger one kept asking if he should get the hat, and the other one said he would buy one if [Ortiz] did," 7-Eleven cashier Kip Petrun told reporters. "They must have tried on sunglasses for 30 minutes."

"Before they left the parking lot they argued over whose turn it was to pick the music," Petrun added. "I'm pretty sure they settled on that song 'Life Is A Highway,' because they both started singing it at the top of their lungs. I think they said they were going to Nebraska to pick up their friend Pedro something."

The trip reportedly culminated with Ramirez taking Ortiz to a batting cage in St. George, UT. Though Ortiz missed the first several balls, Ramirez told Ortiz that he knew he could do it, and that even if they were no longer teammates, they would always be best friends. Ortiz then began hitting ball after ball, the last five of which hit the "home run" net.

"I can do it. I can hit the baseball again!" Ortiz yelled as he and Manny pointed at each other. "And you can hit the baseball without taking steroids, Manny. I know you can. Hopefully I can, too."

During a tender moment at the Grand Canyon later that night, tourists said that while seated on the hood of their car, Ortiz placed a blanket around a shivering Ramirez and told him, "You're my best friend, man. You're my best friend."

The car's hood then caved in, sending both players into a fit of hysterical laughter