Diamond Joe Rem Dog

I was holding off until I was able to write something that was really good, I mean nothing like the crap I usually scribble down. Here I was all set to write my 100th blog entry and realized I had only written 95 of them. I felt like a kid from Eastie that just talked to a black kid in front of my friends!
Let me get right to it,
THE REM DOG!
For those that don't know, Jerry Remy is the TV announcer for the Red Sux. Jerry was a decent little ballplayer in his day, nothing to crazy, I think he lead the league in stolen bases one year with like 15 or something like that. Anyway, The Rem Dog, as they call him has THE thickest Boston accent, I mean he is what everyone sounds like when they TRY to do a Boston accent, it's pretty comical. I happen to watch a few Red Sux games when the Yanks aren't playing, but when the Yanks play the Sux, I have to watch it on NESN the Red Sux channel for games. I actually used to sort of not mind Remy that much, I found him very funny in the way he talked, but now he's basically a joke to me.
The Yanks were playing the Sux a week or so ago, it was the game when I think Farnsworth for the Yanks lost one and the ball flew about five feet behind Manny. Manny was probably so high on crack at the time he didn't even realize what happened, but everyone else did. And then for the rest of the game every inning, almost every batter it seemed like when a Yankee stepped up, The Rem Dog talked about if this batter was going to get hit. I mean he went on and on about how it should happen, it's supposed to happen, and basically WHY isn't it happening. This is sort of what it sounded like:
REMY
"Ok folks, Derek Jeta steps in, ya know dis keed is some hitta, and what's wit Beckett, why isn't he trowing at Jeta? I mean Manny pretty much got plunked by Farrrnsworth, that's just da way ya play da game. EEEEERRRRAAAAGARDLESS of what else happens, one of these Yankees should get hit, dats ole school."

This went on for the rest of the game, he was almost willing the pitchers for the Sux to hit a batter, it was pathetic.
Then he went on a small rant about how he thought the whole Ortiz jersey buried in Yankees stadium was a fake, just a publicity stunt by the Steinbrenners. $175 G's later and we see it wasn't Rem Dog.

That's all on the Rem Dog for one day, but if you haven't caught him announcing you have to someday, the quintessential MASSHOLE.


F- THE REM DOG
F- BIG PAPI(the sux fans think they're above everyone else because they don't boo him, you know you want to, he's batting like .169, just boo him already)
F- MANNY - cut your hair you hippy!
F- KENMORE SQUARE - you get off the T and go straight to the ballpark, you don't stand around and just get drunk in the street and piss all over the place where people walk you heathen!
F-SOUTHIE
F-EASTIE
F-DORCHESTER
F-BROOKLINE
F-THE JIMMY FUND
F-JORDAN'S FURNITURE
F-TED WILLIAMS' DECAPITATED HEAD
F-MASSHOLES THAT LIVE IN OTHER STATES
F-PAPELBON

Kenmore Square and a Retard named Papelbon

Ok, finally I am back from vacation, I know I teased a bit when I came out and talked after the Super bowl (I think that's when I posted last) but now I'm back for good!
I see the Yankees were just in town for a three game series, you know how I know that (well I'm a die hard Yankees fan so I checked the schedule) but if I wasn't a Yankees fan...you know how I know that? BECAUSE EVERY MASSHOLE AND THEIR FATHER DESCEND ON KENMORE SQUARE AT 10:30AM FOR A 4:00PM GAME! It's crazy how early these fans get here, take opening day for instance. The game started at 2:00pm on a Tuesday, I was taking the T into Kenmore and I arrived there at about 7:30am, you would not believe the amount of people coming out of the station with me and heading to the ball yard. And we're not talking your father and son going to their first opening day Norman Rockwell shit; we're talking Sully and Billy passing the six pack around on the Blue Line leaving Wonderland at 6:30am. Fast forward to about 4:30pm or so when the game was in about the 6th inning... UNLEASH THE HOUNDS!! Kenmore Square turns into a mad house, a mad house! For people that don't know Kenmore Square I'll try to explain. You have Beacon Street, Commonwealth Ave and Brookline Ave, the three main streets at Kenmore. All three are major thorofares leading in different directions out of Kenmore. Brookline Ave runs directly past Fenway and is the main route of travel for people leaving the stadium. Those people stumble out of Fenway in the middle of the game because... Here is a list of the Top 5 Reasons MASSHOLES Leave Fenway Early... 1. They are so wasted they won't get served anymore by the vendors, so it's no fun being at a ballgame when you're sober. 2. Their girlfriend ran out of money and won't buy them anymore beer so they are leaving to find another girlfriend. 3. Their neighbor called to tell them that DSS was there and taking their kids away because they left them in the bathtub and went to the game. 4. It's the 6th inning and Big Papi is taking the rest of the afternoon off, so since he's the only one on the team they know it's better to just leave. And finally the 5th reason a Red Sux fan leaves by the 6th inning... Someone said there was a black guy outside Fenway so we have beat him before he rapes our women and steals our money!
So everyone walking is taking Brookline Ave to Kenmore, and when they get to Kenmore most of them take the T out of there which is great except of course if you have to take the T as well, and that's another story I'll get into another time. So most of the people left via T, others are leaving via car which they have to drive through Kenmore Square to get to Storrow Drive which will take them to their chosen routes. The ones that don't take the T or Car are looking for taxis. Now in Boston, our Taxi system isn't that big so you see what's happing here. You have about 5-6 people standing about ten feet away from each other in a line that goes for about a half mile trying to hail a cab. It really is something to watch, because you wonder who's going to get that cab, but then you see someone cross the street and they're by themselves because no one thinks to cross the street and get a cab, its wonderful! Basically what I'm trying to say is that Kenmore Square should be avoided during Red Sux games, the problem is, you really can't avoid it when going to a game, yes you could try by getting off at the Fenway T stop on the D line, but that's pretty bad too. So I guess you should just try to avoid all Red Sux games all together!

Finally I have to bring this up because it's something that's been bugging me for a while now. Since I live in Boston I will watch Red Sux games sometimes so I know this. Every time Down Syndrome Boy Jon Papelbon comes into a game this is what happens... The door to the bullpen is open, he waits a second until they introduce him and then he starts to jog out but first he bumps fists with this rotund police officer that is in right field. This cop looks like Rod Steiger from that movie "In the Heat of the Night" where he plays this racist cop with Sidney Poitier as Mr. Tibbs. It's kind of funny in a way to watch them bump fists, because you know it's coming and you wonder if this cop is saying, "OK, now you strikeout that spic, or coon" I wonder if they both set this up ahead of time that they bump fists when he comes out. I mean come on, this Retarded Closer is an embarrassment! How about all those corny commercials he does for everyone, could you ever see Mariano do something like that? I DON'T THINK SO!