A Yankees Fan living in Boston

Pawtucket Red Sux stop Yankees from winning Division

2010-10-03T16:38:00.004-04:00

Well, the season's over... OH NO IT ISN'T!! Except if you're a Red Sux fan! The Red Sux did get the last word in on the regular season though by beating us and preventing us from winning the Division. The way the Yanks are playing, this could be a short post season, though I doubt it, but it doesn't matter, this city can finally shut up for a few months while they watch their Patriots and Celtics. Of course as I type the Rays just tied up the game so maybe a Yankees win wouldn't have mattered. Again, it doesn't matter, the Sux fans gave their goodbyes to that cunt Varitek who's not coming back, and possibly Big Retardi as well. There is some solace to this because that moron Papeldouche did give up a run in the 9th!
The Offices of Ftheredsox will remain open during the winter don't you worry about that, there will be playoff coverage and parade coverage as well!
No, after today, Fenway will be quiet, Yawkey way will be quiet and MASSHOLES all over Red Sux County can only think about next year!!!!!!

HOT OFF THE PRESS!

2010-09-24T13:15:00.004-04:00

I figured why not spread a little love around the city and the world!
Just got these bumper stickers today, if you like let me know and I can send you one.

Required reading for Sports Writers... The Official Rules of Baseball and The Bible!

2010-09-17T08:45:00.007-04:00

I wasn't going to comment on this whole Jeter thing because nobody in Boston was saying boo. But then Bob Ryan threw together an article taken from every other sports writer in the world and bashed Jeter. Mantle was a drunk and a womanizer, Ruth was drunk and a womanizer, Boggs cheated on his wife, Cobb was rabid racist, Marchial charged the mound with a bat, and Jeter, faked getting hit by a pitch!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
Oh Derek Jeter, holy than thou, since when? Sure he's the face of the franchise, first ballot hall of famer, gamer, but when have we hoisted him up beyond error?
If you've ever played the game of baseball you take whatever you can get from the umpire, that's a fact, that's what you do in baseball. Especially when the game is on the line, come on, that's baseball 101.
This is the last thing I'll say about this... People found an opening in Jeter, he's having a somewhat off year, now they just bash, bash, bash.
I was forced to write this, I didn't want to say shit about this because every article you read about this is a sign of a lazy writer. Your story is written for you, throw in a moral angle and you're done. What's with this moral angle by the way? Since when are all the sports writers in the world suddenly following Glenn Beck?
This is pathetic, and I'm sorry I wasted your time.

Half Caveman, Half Retard, we must be talking about Damon

2010-08-23T21:09:00.004-04:00

The phones at the Ftheredsox have been ringing off the hooks since this afternoon. Everyone I know outside of Boston is asking, "Will Damon go back to the Sox"? I'm sure by now you know that the Red Sux have claimed John Damon off waivers from the Tigers, now Damon has 48 hours to decide if he wants to return to Yawkey Way. What do you think? Actually I don't really care what you think, so scratch that, this is my blog!
The Sux have a hill to climb to get back into the playoffs this year, the Tigers have Kilimajaro! John could go back, and he definately could help them make a push, but does he really want to? He left on bad terms with the Sux management, the fans have slowly come to accept him, but he still has a scar from the Sux treatment. He comes back, helps them back into it and all is forgotten about his little stint with the Yanks.
I was never a Damon fan, I always thought the guy was half retarded and threw like one as well. But he came through for us especially last year, who can forget that double steal? One inch of a mistake and that play doesn't get done, it was perfect!
Most of the Sux fans they interviewed said they'd like to have him back, all the Sux players said they would love to have him back. In the end, he probably goes back to the Sux. Even though he got the shaft when he left he does want to get back to the post season, and the Sux are his only chance for that. But what happens after the season, because let's be honest, the Sux aren't getting into the post season, does he retire? I have to stop now because this post is starting to sound like the usual drivel you hear on a daily basis from other bloggers that try to spark conversation or devle into the mind of ballplayers. I'm completely talking out of my ass currently, and you really shouldn't be listening, except for when I say this...
SCREW YOU MASSHOLES, YOU AIN'T GETTING IN THE POST SEASON, NOT DAMON, NOT BIG RETARDI, NOT PAPELDOUCHE, NOT GAYLORD PEDROIA, NOT EVEN A NOVENA TO ST. JUDE ARE GOING TO HELP YOU WIN THIS YEAR.
MAYBE YOU GUYS SHOULD TRY PRAYING TO ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI, BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU ARE, A BUNCH OF SISSIES!!

Lou Gehrig attempting to roll over in his grave

2010-08-18T20:49:00.005-04:00

The MASSHOLES just can't leave well enough alone can they? I mean how far does this hatred have to go before it really get's out of hand? A report that was recently published said that Lou Gehrig may not have had ALS. The reports goes on to state that he may have been misdiagnosed with this ailment. He may have had trauma on his brain as a result of too many concussions, how do you like that. But why are we covering this story you're asking? As everyone knows ALS was pretty much renamed Lou Gehrig Disease after he died. That's not bad, huh? You're such a great ballplayer and human being they name a disease after you... OR SO YOU THOUGHT!
Where do you think this report came from that basically called Lou Gehrig a liar for having this disease... You guessed it, BOSTON!
MASSHOLES just hate anything to do with the Yankees that they will even sully the good name of Lou Gehrig, pathetic! That would be like finding out that David Ortiz isn't retarded. I mean the guy is Big Retardi, and you're telling me he isn't retarded? What do I call him now? Or that Papelbon really isn't a Douchebag, but he must be, because I call him Papel-douche, right?
This report really makes me reconsider nicknames I give to Red Sux ballplayers in the future, it really threw me for a loop. As long as Manny Ramirez can still be called a Crack Whore... what, he doesn't smoke crack?
OH NO, I'm done.

Vacation Over, Red Sux suck, the Red Sux suck!

2010-07-30T07:51:00.004-04:00

Greetings everyone! Remember me? I know, I know, where the hell have we been right?
Well to be honest we've moved to Rhode Island and haven't... OH WAIT! THAT'S NOT US, THAT'S THE BLABBER MOUTH CURT SCHILLING!! Did you hear that news lately folks? Good ole Curt Schilling is abandoning his state of MA. to move to Rhode Island. Well not him personnally I don't think but his company 38 Pitches, the nerve of that guy. The loyalty this great state showed him and he turns around and drops you like a cold, just for money, that's right folks, just for money. Man, he's like school on Thanksgiving, a no class turkey!
But I digress... where have we been? We finally got our new offices up and running and the internet connection is working fine, but... wait, I'm not going to lie to you, we've been on vacation this entire time, can't we take some time off for ourselves? We were supposed to have a guest blogger but that plan backfired. But we are seeking any guest bloggers out there that would like to submit articles for this site. Just email us at - burninhellredsox@hotmail.com to submit an article and if it fits the structured, guidelines we have for this spot on blog we run, we'll post it, and give you some credit, no we'll give you all the credit.
What's been going on since we last left you? Well we see George Steinbrenner got in one last firing before his death... his heart, it wasn't beating properly so he canned it! Bad taste? Come on, we got so many condelences when he died, which was nice, but come on folks. I grew up in the 80's when he was the most hated man in NY, so my feelings are mixed on his passing. Sure it's sad someone died, but I'm not broken up about it. JAY BUHNER FOR KEN PHELPS????? That's all I'll say on the subject.
I see the Red Sux have got even suckier since we last talked, but did this columnist really not see that coming? No the city is pretty quiet now a days looking towards the Football season, which of course we love to see. They have no faith in that team, these fair weather massholes!!
Well, now that we are back, you can look forward to more riveting commentary on a more regular basis. And if you don't think it's not riveting then you can go screw and stop reading this blog... but you know you won't... YOU MASSHOLE!

A History Lesson

2010-06-02T15:50:00.002-04:00

Greetings everyone!
The offices of Ftheredsox have been closed for renovations these past weeks but we are now back in business. In the time we were closed we saw the Sux falter big time but also gain some ground. But guess what, the city doesn't really seem to care that much. All the sports buzz that's happening in this city is about the Celtics, the Sux are taking a backseat to the action happening in TD Garden for the playoffs. The C's are playing the Lakers, which should be a good showdown, but I digress.
When I started this little blog five years ago... can you believe it's been five years? When I started this little blog a Yankees fan was something that wasn't brought up much in conversation, well let me correct that. A Yankees fan wasn't something brought up much in conversation unless it was about ways to put a beating on one. But now we have entered what I call the "Middle Ages in Boston". The Dark Ages as I like to call it though some historians will disagree with me was taking place right around the time when I started this blog. The Yankees were still the Yankees though hadn't won a World Series in a while, but the Red Sux had won 2 championships during that time period. Yankees fans were still prevalent, but hiding out, or living under rocks as many hermits did during the Dark Ages of the
13th century. This blog was being written under the watchful eye of many MASSHOLES or like the Dark Ages, the Church. Everything that was written was heavily scrutinized, nothing was sacred and death sentences were constant. But now the Yankees have won 1 we are back on top of the world and the Age of Enlightenment isn't far off, but I get ahead of myself, the Middle Ages still have to be conquered. Now that the rocks have been turned over and people are wearing the Yankees colors more openly now we see a happening that is going on in Boston, which of course many people that are still living in the Dark Ages are not too happy about. There are Yankees Fan Meet-Up groups in Boston now, something five years ago that would be suicide. This one Yankees Fan Meet-up group has like 500 members and going strong, they get together for games and everything. It's like in "Goodfellas" when Henry Hill says, "It was a glorious time for Wiseguys". And that is what's happening now! Though we still take many precautions at Ftheredsox because there are still many nuts out there that hold grudges, so we still can't take that chance and reveal ourselves. But our time is coming, the Age of Enlightenment is just around the corner and our time is coming.

Water, Terrorists and Baseball

2010-05-07T09:32:00.002-04:00

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
At least that’s what they are saying at Fenway Park after a four game sweep of the Angels. The team that put them out of the playoffs last season, yeah, it’s a good feeling, but let’s be honest, is it really going to last? The Angels aren’t the same team they were last year, and the Sux aren’t the same the team they were last year.
But again, Boston could care less right now. The Celtics are in the midst of the playoffs, and the Bruins are also in the playoffs, so some attention has shifted for New Englanders. Which is usually about right, these fans are so fickle that their loyalty is going up and down faster than Oprah’s waist line… ZING!
But now the Yanks come into town tonight for a three game series, but Lebron and Cavs are playing the Celtics on the other side, so you can see why it’s so hard for MASSHOLES. They hate the Yanks, but they also hate Lebron, probably because he’s a great athlete…or because he’s black, the verdict is still out on that one… ZING!
In a few hours outside the offices of FTHEREDSOX the place will be buzzing with people, the traffic will be backed up for miles; the MASSHOLES will invade Kenmore Square. Yes, it’s like that most days when there is a game going on, but it’s a little different when the Yanks are in town. Everyone has that little bounce in their step heading into the stadium, the beer is flowing and insults are being prepared. But as I’m sure every paper will cover, does it really matter any more? Is this rivalry still in the upper echelon of rivalries? Do people really care anymore about Yankees/Sux? The answer is “YES”, people still love this, the players still love this, the advertisers still love this, and the newscasters still love this. And why wouldn’t they? Longer games mean more advertising on TV, which mean more money for business’, which means more money for employees, which means a better economy. I think I just solved the financial woes of America… have the Yankees play the Sux everyday!
But I digress… as I look out my office window I can already see the scalpers staking out their territory and even a few green and red shirts walking by. The vendors are turning on their equipment and burning off the crap from the previous night’s work, and bar is already open for the eager young fan to get loaded before noon. AH, Baseball in Boston, nothing quite like it. As we look at the series we think it could be a good one, both teams are playing well recently and besides Big Retardi not knowing which end of the bat to hold we should see a pretty good series. And Boston could really use it, especially only after a few days of not being able to drink the water. You see we had a huge water main break recently that shut down water consumption in the city, it was devastating. The National Guard was handing out water left and right, people were trying to shove blame back and forth for the crisis, and a terrorist tried to blow up NY. Oh, sorry about that terrorist line, but it just popped into my head as I was thinking about problems we have. Boston wasn’t affected by the terrorist, but I just received a report from an informant with the FBI and he showed me some pretty startling info on the guy that was caught. The terrorist lived in Connecticut and the photos taken from his house showed a significant amount of Red Sux memorabilia on the walls. You can take that anyway you like, but like TMZ always says… “We’re just sayin…”

You're just asking for some ketchup!

2010-04-29T11:46:00.004-04:00

He just can't keep his mouth shut can he? Yes folks, he's opened his trap again, I'm of course talking about Curt Schilling, that gun-toating republican blow-hard. This time he wanted to welcome Javier Vasquez back to the American League. Curt, let me see if I can get wrap my head around this one... Javier comes back to the American League and he sucks, every Yankees fan knows that, and every fan knows that this was probably going to happen, the guy's a National League pitcher. But you thought that people didn't realize this? You thought people didn't pick up on the fact that he changed leagues and that the American League is tougher for a pitcher than the National League? Or you just thought that people haven't noticed you in a while so you would open that big YAP of yours. Either way you look at you're still a BLABBERMOUTH, A BLABBERMOUTH. You fake- ketchup wearing bastard! Be honest Curt, it's because Vasquez is hispanic isn't it?

The city of Boston is enjoying a good spring and believe me they are so grateful for it. The Celtics are in the playoffs and the Bruins are in the playoffs... and the Sux, well they sux! But people don't care right now, the newscasts quickly go over the red sux scores and highlights, usually a comment about Big Retardi because he couldn't hit his way out of a paper bag right now, and something about Lowell replacing him and then it's how about the C's!

Straight from the Bar room floor to your TV!

2010-04-14T08:21:00.002-04:00

I've been saying it for 5 years now, finally someone outside of New England is listening to me. But I guess it's careful what you wish for, now the country is going to be invaded by MASSHOLES!

MASSHOLE TV

HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH

2010-04-04T19:23:00.004-04:00

This is the day, this is the day that the lord has made, let us rejoice, let us rejoice and be glad in him, and be glad in him… IT’S OPENING DAY!! The new season has risen, the cob webs of winter and the past forty days or so have been shed and we start a new. Basking in the glorious light of the new Baseball Season, Hallejula, Hallelujah, Praise his name!! Of course when I say Praise his name I mean Praise Derek Jeter, Praise Derek Jeter.
Oh yeah, happy Easter, anyway, tonight it all starts!
The streets of Boston were packed today, and it was interesting to hear the letter “R” being pronounced so fluidly and correctly, then I realized, spring time in Boston means a lot of tourists! Believe me when I got closer to Fenway the language got worse and drunkards were more prevalent. That’s what Jesus must have experienced on this same day as well. He wakes up after being crucified and he’s not sure where he is, he’s alive but he’s not, he’s in purgatory, then he makes his way back to the tomb and pushes aside that huge boulder to get out and BAM he’s right back in the arms of Pontius Pilate. Oh, sorry, that’s what Jesus would have experienced if he was a Yankees Fan living in Boston after just being crucified.
No, the new season brings new beginnings and the same old story lines. Just once I don’t want to hear some MASSHOLE writer or reporter ask if the rivalry is dead this year, or if the rivalry is getting old. Or recently I read something where the writer asked if the Evil Empire was dead. Don’t these fuckos know we won the World Series last year? Either way you look at it the Sux do play a little harder during these games and I’ve gone over it too many times, but it’s like the younger brother playing one on one with his older brother, the younger brother is playing his guts out to beat him and his older brother is tweeting the whole time.
Look, the sux got better in their starting pitching, that’s pretty much it, their bullpen doesn’t compare, and their offense consists of two people, Youkilis and Martinez. To make matters worse for them, the city knows this and doesn’t want to admit it so they report on anything and everything else going on with the Sux. Just the other day, a whole news day was filled with stories of how Fenway Park is now carrying Veggie Burgers. I am not kidding you folks, every Boston website and paper was reporting this, all the morning talk shows talked about it.
I guess the Sux are kind of like Veggie Burgers. A menagerie of ingredients and textures… that still taste like crap!

Summer lovin' happened so fast...

2010-04-01T12:08:00.004-04:00

The Offices of Ftheredsox are now officially opened!
Getting back into the swing of things takes a bit of time, I mean our front door was packed with mail since we forgot to cancel it for the winter. At a later date I'll post some of the comments we got over the winter, needless to say they were the usual death threat, rape, incest, the whole gamut of thought the average MASSHOLE has on a daily basis. This winter flew by didn't it? You see when you win a Championship the winter flies by and Yankees' fans know a lot about this. For a Sux fan the winter was a slow process, marred with a few decent pick ups to boost their sorry team, but for the most part they still can't hit.
In May I believe we'll be celebrating our 5th year as Ftheredsox, I can't believe we lasted this long, I was sure our office would have been fire-bombed by now. But we do practice a little cloak and dagger to stay alive in this city so I guess it works. I think you know our offices are located near Fenway, why just today while I was coming into work by T (my usual driver wasn't available) I got off at the Kenmore T stop. When you get off at Kenmore and make your way above ground you'll notice on all the walls and pillars all this Red Sux memorabilia plastered to the walls. Now at first I thought it was temporary to cover up things while they were doing construction but they kept it up. Needless to say it's your typical MASSHOLE white-trash mentality when it comes to decorating, full of CHEESE! You have to see it, it just looks so cheesy, like a 12 year's room(not that I've seen a 12 year old's room lately) pictures plastered all over the place in no particular order, but again, not shocking, expected.
I don't want this post to be long, I have to get back to reading an article on Bernie Carbo, the famous Red Sux who hit a homerun in the '75 World Series, the hero of New Englenders all over the world, the under-dog that made good, the nobody that triumphed... OH YEAH, HE WAS ALSO HIGH AS A KITE WHEN HE PLAYED EVERY GAME FOR THE SUX!! Some hero you got there, I love it!!
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that this winter Ftheredsox has been thinking a lot about the way we present ourselves. More and more people are reading our little blog than ever before and we got to thinking. Should we start acting more professional? You know, less MASSSHOLE remarks, more meat and bones, less gay remarks about Varitek or comments how Ortiz is full of juice or how Youkilis doesn't shower and likes little boys. Do we really need to cut that type of behavior out and start producing some honest to good, valued information?
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU MASSHOLE?
NOT A FUCKING CHANCE!!!

F-Francona
F-Southie
F-Brookline
F-The Jimmy Fund
F-The Rem Dog
F-Ortiz
F-Jackie
F-That "C" wearing Cunt of a catcher Varitek
F-Pedroia the poster boy for MASSHOLES

SOMETHING A MASSHOLE CAN NEVER SAY!

2009-11-12T10:27:00.001-05:00

HEY MASSHOLES... SUCK MY MOTHER FUCKING WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP BALLS!

2009-11-06T07:54:00.003-05:00

It's over this great season of Baseball has come to a close. And guess what... THE YANKEES WON THE WORLD SERIES!! It's my first time living in Boston full time that the Yankees are a world champs, and boy it's the best feeling in the world! As a Yankee fan I have always known I am already a better person than most people, that's just a Yankees' fans credo, we are the best team and we are the best fans. Red Sux fans just don't realize that, and they never will, and man, does that make them mad, mad as hell!! So yes, I did wear my Yankees blue yesterday and today, and no matter how many dirty looks I get(and there are quite a bit), I don't care, this shield of World Champions for 2009 just blocks all those MASSHOLES that wish death upon me, SUCK IT BITCHES!!
This Yankees team got nothing but bashed before the season and in the beginning. I remember ESPN saying they can't win with Derek Jeter, he's too old... Look I can go on and on about those bastards at ESPN, but it doesn't matter, I don't watch it anymore since getting the MLB channel, I suggest you do the same.
For now I'll just gloat as much as I can, because nothing pisses off a MASSHOLE more than the Yankees winning it all. Actually nothing pissess off a MASSHOLE more than being a Yankees fan living in Boston...so I'm pretty muched fucked! But it's worth it!!

FUCKING MASSHOLES!

2009-10-18T18:31:00.004-04:00

The Ftheredsox offices get tons of letters/emails from Yankee fans daily. The most requests we get are usually from visiting Yankee fans or translplanted ones to Boston, and they always want to know where a Yankees friendly bar is. We repeatedly tell them... THERE ISN'T ONE. And this past weekend really drove my point home.
I have been living on and off in Boston since 1993 when I was in college, but since 2000 I have been here full time and the events that I will describe to you really make me consider if I should continue to live here. As it says in Ftheredsox's mission statement, "I love the city the Boston", but this weekend I was embarrassed to say I am a resident.
I joined some friends for drinks at a popular bar on Friday night, I was very hesitant to go out because it was game 1 of the ALCS, but I was convinced to attend because I was told the place will have a bunch of TV's on and you can watch it there. Needless to say the bar was airing episodes of "Family Guy" instead the entire night, no Yankees game. I took it in stride, members of the Ftheredsox community were sending me score updates so it wasn't so bad, I ducked out early anyway to catch the final innings, ok, so they weren't showing the game at one bar, dissappointed, yes, but life goes on. Saturday night was basically the same routine, friends were going out, asked me to join, I was reluctant, but was familiar with the bar we were going to and knew it had a lot of TV's and it showed sports all the time, so I went. WHAT A KICK IN THE BALLS THAT WAS!!! No game! I said to myself,I'm not taking this anymore, I need to see this game, they have at least 10 TV's in the joint, give me one at least. Now, I admit I shouldn't have drank so much when I broached this subject with the bartender, but it just happened, I snapped. I said to the MASSHOLE slinging brews behind the belt to turn the Yankees' game on, it's the playoffs. This fucking R-less motherfucker looked at me like I just asked him to play the sex tape he made when he was molested by his parish priest. "EEERRRRRAAAA you's fuckin crazy, no Yankees at this BAAAAAAA" I said come on man, it's the playoffs, just turn that one on, and I pointed to a TV that was facing the bathroom door in the corner of the place. He said, "NO". I asked again, he was getting pissed, and glanced over to his manager some little pip-squeak at the other end of the bar. This wanna-be mobsters just shook his head and closed his eyes. I remember he closed his eyes when he did it, and I was like what the hell is this? I felt like Bonassera in the Godfather asking for justice because they beat my daughter like an animal. And this fucker was like that is not justice, you can go to any other bar and watch the game!! That's when I started to raise my voice a bit and may have called the bartender a dick, I can't be certain. Next thing I know Bobo and JoJo the bouncers were standing behind me asking me to leave. So I left, no incident, was able to get home for the last couple of innings anyway.
But COME ON MAN! They would not show the game because it was the Yankees, that was just bullshit! For all you Yankee fans living outside of Boston, how would you like that? Go to your local bar to watch the game and they shut you out! That's what I go through everyday up here.
I tell you, I don't know how much longer I can live in Boston.

Hey PAPEL-BLOWN, your Irish jig lessons start next week!

2009-10-12T18:17:00.005-04:00

Well, well, well, look what we have here? No Baseball in Boston anymore for the rest of the year!WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I was at a birthday party for a friend's daughter yesterday, the kid was turning 8 and it was a great day...until! I'm telling you, the day was going great, lot's of people having a great time, the MASSHOLES (which I was surrounded by) were coming in and out of the house updating everyone at the party on the score of the game, really getting their hopes up. "Oh when the Sox win today, they will win the next two ballgames" You know that type of stuff. Then within about five minutes the joyful party for an 8 year old turned into a crowd of people waiting outside a hospital room because that 8 year old was just in a horrible car crash. Everyone waiting outside talking to each other how everything would be alright, then Dr. Papelbon delivers the news... the child was dead! Oh, this poor child taken so young, nobody could control themselves, the mother passes out, the other guests start to argue with the doctor, it's chaos. That was exactly how the afternoon went yesterday, and for me, it was Glorious!
What have I been saying over and over? PAPEL-DOUCHE sucks! The Sux are a push over and they finally proved that yesterday. What I thought was so poetic, was that the greatest closer in Baseball history Mariano Rivera pitched last night, and pitched perfectly. That's how you close a game!
Oh Boston, the city is quiet, not just quiet, more of a colossal band of people leaving a funeral that just ended at the gravesite. You know, you all walk away, not saying a word, nodding your head to other guests, but just wandering away with your head down, not wanting to say a word, just making your way back to your car and driving away. The people of Boston are in that car right now, just hopelessly driving, forgetting exactly where they are going, but thankfully the car in front of them has their headlights on leading the way.
For a Yankees Fan living in Boston... HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!
YOU FUCKING MASSHOLE, FAIR-WEATHER PIECE OF SHIT FANS, YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED, YOUR TEAM WASN'T THAT GOOD, YOU SIGN WAGNER THINKING HE WOULD BE YOUR HELP AND LOOK HE SUCKED IT UP FOR YOU AND THEN HE TOOK DOWN PAPEL-TARD WITH HIM. WAGNER IS AN EX-MET, THAT SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU SOMETHING. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Tuna Melts, Frozen heads and of course, MASSHOLES!

2009-10-05T13:55:00.003-04:00

FrozenTeddySticks

The playoffs start this week, I'm not really worried about the Yanks, I mean come on, over a 100 wins, best team in Baseball, hands down! The Sux on the other hand will not be getting past the Angels, I repeat, the Sux don't get out of first round. The Sux are basically just a push over, and the Angels will realize that this weak, and then Red Sux County will soon realize they are following a pathetic team made up of sub-par performers.
A good friend of mine Nick Turturro has a show on MLB network where he talks about his love for the Yankees, it's a really good show. In it he talks about how the Red Sux players just "look" like they belong in a Red Sux uniform. He's so right, I can't imagine Varitek, or Pedroia, wearing another uniform, they just look like Red Sux, which in turn means they just look like MASSHOLES!!
By now you've read all the articles about Teddy Ballgame's head, I added a link in case you haven't. I was never a fan of Williams, sure he was one of the greatest hitters to play the game, but he was a major league douche bag. And you're telling me that guy in the article that is described as taking a whack at the head to dislodge it isn't your protypical MASSHOLE? Yes, this place is in Arizona, but I can see that same thing happening right here in Boston....

Locaton: ALCOR Labortories East, South Boston, MA.

Scene: Two lab technichians enter the labatory and notice there is a problem with one of the products.

Sully The Lab Tech
"Dude, I'm tellin ya, dat darkie sitting on da corna beggin fa change was da
Reverend Desmond Tutti"

Pauly The Lab Tech #2
"Come on man, ya fuckin nutz, dare is no way dat was Tutti, he looked morrr like
dat guy from da show Homicide, ya..."

Sully The Lab Tech
"HOLY SHIT BRA! what happend to da Splinta's head? It's frozen to ya tuna can"

Pauly The Lab Tech #2
"Goooddd Dammn it! I was going to make some tuna lata, I just put da head on top
because I opened da can, but wasn't hungry yet, so I wanted to keep the top shut
now look what happened, Teddy Ballgame's dead head is frozen to the da can! Oh, my
Ma is goin' kill me!

Sully The Lab Tech
"Now wait, we can fix dis, what da ya think would be moooorrr fitting to da Natural
after getting youuurr head frozen to a tuna can? huh? You's guessed it, knock dat
motha off like you was hittin fungos!

Pauly The Lab Tech #2
"AW Jeez, you's right, he'd be proud to get dis-jarred like dat, wouldn't he? Oh, jeezz, you betta do it, those 14 beers we had at lunch aint' helpin me none, ok?"

Sully The Lab Tech
"Ok, you's right, I had 12 beers at lunch, so I am definately mooorrr soba than you's is. Give me dat monkey wrench will ya, now stand back and watch how it's done!"

The Lab technician takes two swings before hitting the target and on the last swing he finally connects with a shot that powers the head clear to the other side of the room. Both men jump around giving high fives to each other...

Pauly The Lab Tech #2
"You's did it, bra! Ya did it! Dat fucka never stood a chance, ya whacked dat clear
ta Somerville. I tell ya bra, I ain't never been more's proud of ya"

Sully The Lab Tech
"Thanks man, I tells ya, that was probably da single greatest moment of my life,
I mean, I actually got to hit Ted William's frozen head just like he's did all dooos
years ago wit da baseball, I feel like a 100 bucks! I know somewherrraa up in heaven
Old Teddy Ballgame is watchin me and saying, nice hit kid, you done me justice by
using a monkey wrench to knock my head clear off a tuna fish can so we can put it
back in da freezerrrraa for storage, today you are a ball playa!

Pauly The Lab Tech #2
"I am so proud of ya man, I really am, now I think saw Martin Luther King's head
stuck to can of olives downstairs, let's knock da shit out of dat colored guy"

I see you MASSHOLE

2009-09-07T20:57:00.001-04:00

I recently got an email from the good people at Google Blogs and they told me they had reports that my little blog here was a "spam" blog! They sent me a form to fill out to verify that it wasn't and said that should take care of the misunderstanding, but if not, my blog will be shut down in 20 days! WHAT WHAT WHAT?
It seems MASSHOLES have learned to read and use the internet, because that's the only group I can think of that would do such a dastardly act. Talk about hitting below the belt, huh?
Not too wory my loyal fans, at this moment the entire staff of Ftheredsox are sitting down to watch movies such as "Braveheart", "We are Marshall" and "Rocky" for that inspiration to keep going. Then we'll pop in "Fever Pitch" and "Good Will Hunting" for that know thy enemy bullshit!
No folks, we are not going anywhere, we've been around for a long time now, well almost five years, but in Blog worlds that's like 15 years.
Lastly, I don't think it's a coincidence that I get a warning email just after I post something about our friend Cunt Schilling. I think old Cunty's finally had enough of us, especially with his Senate race coming up, he won't be able to deal with the media coverage we give him. Oh, and you can bet we already filing for press creditials just to be on the safe side when he hits the campaign trail.

They may take our blogspot, but they can never take... OUR FREEDOM!

F-MASSHOLES!

Ode to Fall in New England or Hey Sully, dem leaves is turnin da color of ma's sauce!

2009-09-04T08:39:00.001-04:00

The city is quiet. It’s September already, parts of New England are turning color, the nights are getting shorteeerrrraaa, and the MASSHOLE is getting drunkeeerrrraaa!
With the Football season on the horizon, the talk is more about Brady and Pats than about Big Retardi and his bad at bats. Schilling tried to make some noise by talking of a Senate campaign, but he was wearing his ketchup-soaked sock, so he’s just plain insane. The Yankees have the American League East sealed tight, but don’t say that to loud to Sully in Eastie, because he’ll beat if you’re not white. Papel-douche is barking because Wagner wants his chair, and every night he pitches I laugh at his retarded-gay stare. The Boston sports writers are doing an about face when it comes to writing about the Yankees’ future, and last night I think I saw Varitek making out with Ashton Kutcher. No, the city is quiet now, more than years past; I guess they realize the Yankees will always kick their ass.

F-Big Retardi
F-Papel-douche
F-“C” wearing Varitek
F-Tito Francona
F-Southie
F-Belmont
F-The Jimmy Fund
F-Ted Williams’ son’s frozen head
F-Johnny Pesky
F-Lynn and the ballplayer too
F-Senator Schillbag
F-Yawkey Way
F-Super Jew Theo
F-MASSHOLES!

Senator Cunty!

2009-09-02T22:54:00.003-04:00

Senate hopeful of the day: Curt Schilling - Local News Updates - The Boston Globe

Do I really need to say anymore about this? Our little Ketchup wearing Blabber-Mouth is at it again! God I would love if he ran, it would be so entertaining, because this guy is a moron, a moron Alice!

I can see him on the campaign trail wearing a suit with a big ketchup stain, or kissing babies and pouring ketchup on their head, you know of course he'll be getting big campaign contributions from Heinz Corp.

Forget about it Cunt Schilling, you're out of the spotlight, you saw an opportunity to open your fat trap, your blogs been weak for a long time and your video game making sucks, you have no life. So just tip toe back into your garage, clean your gun collection, call the black people that work for you "boy" and continue to watch video close ups of the ketchup stain on your sock.

Thar She Blows... A Jim Rice sighted off the starboard bow!

2009-08-21T21:24:00.004-04:00

Jim Rice, when I was a little kid I was scared of Jim Rice, he was this huge guy that used to hit the crap out of the ball. But now he's an old man that thinks because he's in the HOF he can run his mouth when he wants to. Recently this blowhard was speaking to little leaguers at the little league world series and he was preaching about teamwork and role models. He blasted Manny and Arod, but then in the same breath mentioned Derek Jeter about players playing for a paycheck and not the game or the team. WTF JIM? Clearly he's lost his mind and should be put out to pasture with Johnny Pesky, I mean come on man! And I'm not the only one, more than half the discussion boards in Boston had those Massholes supporting Jeter and blasting Rice for his comments about him. You know things are bad when I'm glad to hear the point of view from a Masshole.
So for now Jim, just keep your trap shut, sign your autographs, go fishing and slowly sleek back under that rock you truly should be inhabiting.

Rumor has it that Jim hit's the bottle from now and again, also he supposedly had a child with Bernie Carbo's wife, plus he said daily novenas that Jerry Remy's cancer would come back, and just recently he went up to Vermont to spit on gay couples as they came out of the church after they were married. I mean this guy is just a bad person. So I encourage you to spread these rumors about Jim, because I'm sure they are almost close to being accurate!

Hey Joe Posnanski... You're a Cunt!

2009-08-20T13:42:00.002-04:00

Have you ever heard of this wahoo? I have seen his name whenever I read the baseball page on SI.com, but never really read anything he wrote. Until the other day when he wrote an article about Jeter being "Underrated". Now it's true, I agree with him, for years all people have been saying is that Jeter's getting old, he doesn't have it, his numbers keep slipping, he can't field, yada-yada-yada! But I did a little more reading because like me this Joe Punk-naski has a blog(I've been around longer). I went back and read some of his drivel, all this guy does is bash Derek Jeter! I have yet to read (except for his recent crap) anything positive about Jeter, for a couple of years now this Joe Bitch-naski has been trashing him. But now, Jeter's having a REALLY good season and all of sudden he's Underrated, yeah he's underrated because of you Joseph! That would be like me all of sudden saying how much I love Jon Papelbon(noticed I didn't say Papel-Douche, because I love him now) or how David Ortiz is a stand up guy and Manny Ramirez doesn't smoke the pole or crack. NO, I wouldn't say that, it wouldn't fair to you the reader, and I would seem like a pussy, which is what this Joe Wahoo is.
Now I know it has nothing to do with Boston, this guy is from Cleveland but in a way it does, because this city has the biggest Band-Wagon jumping fans in the world and that is exactly what this Joe guy is... a big PHONY!

I made the prediction last time the Yanks and Sux played, I believe I said the Yanks would sweep, go back and read it. This weekend... SAME THING! YANKS SWEEP and finally put the nail in the coffin!

Hey buddy can you spare a hitter, how about some bullpen help?

2009-08-09T23:18:00.003-04:00

Obviously those first 8 games don't mean SHIT!

6 1/2 games BITCHES!

Attention all Bullies! We have found your next target, engage!

2009-08-05T11:08:00.002-04:00

Greetings! I am finally back in the states! I can report the story now since it’s all over the news wires, I have been held captive in North Korea for the past few months. I want to thank President Clinton for his efforts on our return home. I was over in Korea doing a report on Kim Jong who is a die hard Red Sux fan. What got me caught and put into prison was that I uncovered a story that Kim Jong is a silent partner in the Red Sux ownership. Not wanting this news to leak out, Larry Lucchino ratted me out to the North Koreans and I was clamped in irons! Unfortunately all my notes were confiscated so I don’t have a full report to give. But I’m back home and let’s get down to business.

I was watching a Sux game the other day, well just the beginning, because the games are so boring I can’t get through an inning of it. I happen to turn it on when they were announcing the starting lineups. On NESN the Sux channel they have these little kids read the starting lineups for teams. Now these kids are probably between 7- 10 years old but already you can see what raging homos they are! The little Freddie Mercury loving kids read the lineup but they do it in the GAYEST way possible. They pretend they are showing respect for the players so they read the line up as this. “Batting first for the Red Sux, Mr. Jacoby Ellsbury, batting second, Mr. Dustin Pedroia, batting third, Mr. David Ortiz, batting fourth, Mr. Mike Lowell, batting fifth, Mr. Kevin Youklis… etc, etc. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!! Putting a Mr. in front of everyone’s name to show how cute we are and how we adore these guys. Oh those poor children!

Someone sent me a shirt recently in the mail, it was a plain white T and the shirt read “Roid Sox”. I loved it! Oh how the hearts of so many members of Red Sux County have been broken, I just get giddy! In 2003 after these players were tested they were told that they tested positive. So for the past 5 or 6 years these players new they tested positive for PED, how bad does Big Retardi look after his rant in the pre-season? I believe the monoker Big Retardi is very fitting, and you laughed at me when I gave him that!

Big series this weekend with the two teams, what will happen? Yanks haven’t beaten them all year, Sux feeling pretty confident, huh? I’m not worried, Yanks sweep!

Mariano Rivera saved his 100th game last night in 104 chances, that’s just crazy!

F-Big Retardi
F-Kevin “The Chin” Youklis
F-Dusting “Mr. Masshole” Pedroia
F-The Jimmy Fund
F-Jerry Remy’s Kid (Oh, yeah he was busted for steroids while he worked in the Sux clubhouse!!!)
F-Southie
F-Eastie
F-Brookline
F-Belmont
F-Worcester
F-Lenox
F-Billerica

Get used to it Red Sux County, because this is your recent history!

2009-07-30T13:20:00.002-04:00

Oh what a MASSHOLE!

2009-06-16T14:54:00.001-04:00

I am trying to pull myself away from the boob tube for a few minutes and jot down some thoughts concerning what else, douche bags! First, with the recent election in Iran, I was having a hard time telling the difference between Iran and downtown LA…Bada bing, thank you, I’ll be here all week, don’t forget to tip your waitresses! Of course just as I’m reading some hilarious Twitter reports from people in Tehran I see an article that was just updated stating that Kevin Youkilis just went ahead of Mark Texieria in the All Star voting, by a whopping 1100 and change!! Are you kidding me? Who is the cunt that wrote that article? The span of 1100 votes in All Star voting lasts almost as long as it takes Jonathan Papel-douche to name his favorite Jerry Spinger show… Which we all know he loves to ramble off… “I’m 50 and I slept with an 18 year old amputee with tourettes syndrome”. By the time you’re done reading this article I’m sure the vote will be different.
As you know I don’t like to stray off topic, which I usually never do, but I want to mention Artie Lange’s appearance on the Joe Buck show on HBO last night. Maybe I’m not straying off topic by much since Mr. Lange is huge Yankees fan. What is Joe Buck doing hosting a show on HBO? And what are Paul Rudd and Jason Sudekis(sp) doing on there as his first guests? Ok, the show did get a lot of press just as it started because he interviewed Brett Favre, but then ESPN stopped watching. But talk about a bore-fest! Artie is crude, rude and speaks his mind and doesn’t care about offending anyone. He is just what that show needed, a good kick in the ass. All those Politically Correct people out there, and I’m sure that’s my core demographic, should take a chill for a second. If you’re like me you felt so bad for David Letterman last night when he made that apology to Governor Palin, again PC. On CNN the ticker that goes by underneath the screen said, “Governor Palin accepts Letterman’s apology but admits changes should be made”. WHAT CHANGES! We need people like Lange and Letterman and FTHEREDSOX… to toot our horn!
Speaking of Douche Bags, the other day I was ranting about The Douche or to some of you The Eck for Dennis Eckersley the ex-pitcher and now announcer for the Sux. He is our new champion now that Cunt Schilling is old news and Big Retardi is washed up, but I want to mention something about Dustin Pedroia, the second baseman for the Sux. How did he win the MVP last year? Ok, he’s got talent but he’s no MVP. I was watching the game the other day and watching him closely, well not that close, but I was in the South End at the time (Bostonians know what I mean). Pedroia is the proto-typical MASSHOLE, and I don’t even know if he’s from New England, but his look embodies what every male MASSHOLE goes for in a look. He has that gay goatee, or part of one on his face, you can tell he’s got a little Napoleon complex due to his size and the jewelry he wears while playing. You see every Douche Bag MASSHOLE male between the ages of 17 and 42 wear gay douche bag jewelry around their neck because they think it’s cool or hip. It usually consists of some type of hemp or seashell necklace that’s tight around your neck, most of the time they wear two of them. I see why he’s a fan favorite, because he is the face of Red Sux County, not because he’s a good ballplayer, but because he is the embodiment of MASSHOLE-NESS across the land.
So to sum up, TWITTER has some funny things being posted by Iranians, Lange and Letterman are funny people and Dustin Pedroia is a true MASSHOLE, thank you.

Softball, rain and The Douche!

2009-06-09T21:35:00.005-04:00

The Yankees/Red Sux series is underway and I have to say without a doubt that Dennis Eckersley is a total douchebag. I’ll be honest I always thought he was ever since his days with Oakland with that gay hair and mustache, but after listening to him do games he really is a douche. Our ole buddy The Rem Dog is out, he’s be battling cancer for a bit so we wish him the best(you see, I have a heart). In his place is Eckersley, the Eck or The Douche as he is now called. I don’t want to talk about him anymore; he’s just a total douche!
Burnett just didn’t have it tonight, he sucked, and Josh Beckshitt was really good. The weather doesn’t help either; Ftheredsox had their first softball game of the year and let me tell you, it was no fun playing out there. (We lost 14-0 by the way).
I want to veer off the path a bit and mention the Baseball Draft. WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE BASEBALL DRAFT! They are pushing this thing so hard, it’s laughable. It’s not like football or basketball where you will see those guys the following year; in Baseball you won’t see this guy for at least a year and usually more. In 1990, I think it was the Yanks signed Brien Taylor this young kid who you thought was the second coming of Cy Young. They paid him a shit load of cash and the bastard didn’t even play! He ended up getting in a bar fight or something and ruined his career, so I don’t really pay attention to the draft at all since then. It does show you how great Baseball is though, how it the hardest sport to play, and I love that about it.
I need to mention Big Retardi though, he hit a homerun, though to be honest my Ftheredsox softball team could have hit Burnett tonight and again, we lost 14-0 tonight. Now the Big Retard is hitting above .200 I think, maybe .203 with a wopping 2 homeruns, HAHAHAHAHA!

F-Jackie
F-Beckshitt
F-The Douche
F-Big Retardi
F-Burnett
F-Tito
F-Johnny Pesky
F-Eastie
F-Southie
F-Massholes

Big Retardi... the new Satchel Paige!

2009-06-07T23:19:00.004-04:00

Hopefully this will be my last post concerning the bashing of Big Retardi... but I doubt it! Apparently there is a scout out there that reportly said that Big Retardi is probably older than he says he is. It's like Satchel Paige who pitched until he was like 48 or 54 or 59, no one never really new.
Here's the story snip-it from SI.com.

8:26 AM ET 06.07
The theories on David Ortiz's descent are plentiful. They range from physical (he never recovered from wrist and knee injuries), to strategic (he misses Manny Ramirez batting behind him), to mental (he's got no confidence), to visual (he said he plans to get his eyes checked), to pure speculation (he's older than his stated age of 33 or he's no longer using steroids). "The chances of his birth certificate being accurate are zero," the scout said. "That's both birth certificates. Remember, he was David Arias [when he played in the minor leagues for] Seattle." Whatever the reasons, the results have left Ortiz and the Sox on a quest for a solution. Manager Terry Francona and hitting coach Dave Magadan have searched for answers in the batting cage. The early prognosis was Ortiz was not getting his hands back into a hitting position quickly enough. When that fix didn't work, Francona gave him some days off to relax. When that failed, Francona dropped Ortiz in the batting order from No. 3 to No. 6.

Like I've said before, whatever the case is... he's done!

Hey Four Eyes...

2009-06-05T10:50:00.002-04:00

I wasn’t going to comment, I figured the guy’s had enough right? I am talking of course about Big Retardi, his woes at the plate are just awful. Like I said its old news by now, he’s done, fork! But I was reading an article in ESPN about Big Retardi and I had to mention something about one of the comments a person left at the bottom of the article:

• CHillout1016 says:
June 5, 2009, 9:33 AM ET
As a Sox Fan it pains me to see Ortiz go through this. I personally just think his bat slowed down. It happens! It's going to happen to every player at some point. It's to bad it happened to him so early. I would have liked to see another 2 good years out of him. But really Mr. Ortiz, (oh the pain to say this) it just may be the time to go. However, for as long as you stay, I will cheer you on just like any other sox fan at any at bat you take. Even if it means you strike out, fly out or ground it with 2 men on and 2 outs :(

Sorry folks, I think I pasted the wrong comment, this comment looks like it’s straight out of “Cock and Balls Weekly”, I mean, Hello Frisco!
What? You mean this is the actual comment from ESPN, WOW! Well, now do you agree with me? Red Sux fans are gayer than a French Horn!I love in the article where he calls him Mr. Ortiz, come on, Mr. Ortiz, GAY! The second to last sentence is probably the best, “However, for as long as you stay, I will cheer you on just like any other sox fan at any at bat you take”. GAY! You know what I think? I think that Sux fans would feel better about themselves if they booed a bit. You see folks, the Red Sux players take you for granted, they know whatever they do you will always have their back. They see Sux fans as the ugly chick with the ok body that will put out at any time of night. Sux fans are the ultimate “Booty Call” for Pedroia, Varitek, Bay, Drew. They know they can suck it up like nobody’s business and you’ll always love them, pathetic.
Here’s my solution… START BOOING THE MOTHER FUCKER! That’s right, Big Retardi can’t hit anymore, BOO HIM, he laughs too hard at a joke, BOO HIM, he talks to much to reporters, BOO HIM. Maybe then he’ll see that he better get back on the ball and start working harder.

The buzz up here is that Big Retardi is going to the eye doctor because they’ve pretty much exhausted every reason why he sucks this year. I have a few questions to ask if I may… When the eye doctor asks Big Retardi to read the letters off the chart, can he do that? Also, how many times do you think it will take Big Retardi to get his chin just right on that machine that you look through? I mean the guys hitting .178, I’m sure he’s going to be slipping off that thing left and right. A couple of years ago I would say that the machine to test your eyes would be too small to hold the huge head of Big Retardi, but now since he’s off the Juice, or he’s got Swine Flu or the Hivvy, it shouldn’t be a problem right? I myself have never worn glasses in my life, my whole family did, but I was fortunate, so I know what Big Retardi is going through. The taunts he’ll endour from the other ballplayers will probably be awful. Ballplayers can be so cruel, can’t they! I was always petrified if I got glasses what people would call me, you see it was the 80’s and making fun of people with glasses was common. So the other day I conducted a test, I walked around for a day with glasses on, and let me tell you, the insults were worse than I could imagine. I lasted about two hours with the glasses before they were actually torn off my face and I was punched several times. My hat that I was wearing and my shirt were torn off, and it sucks because I just bought that Jeter jersey and a new fitted Yankees cap… That’s the last time I wear glasses at Fenway

You hate us so much don't you? You MASSHOLE!

2009-06-01T22:44:00.003-04:00

Another reason MASSHOLES hate the Yankees...

18 Games without an error, breaking the 2006 Red Sux's record!

Since they obsess over it in April we'll talk about it a bit!

2009-05-30T12:09:00.001-04:00

MLB Standings, Pro Baseball Standings, Major League Baseball Standings and Team Records - ESPN

Manny Ramirez To David Ortiz: Road Trip

2009-05-28T19:18:00.001-04:00

I love the Onion...

SOMEWHERE ALONG I-65—Best buddies Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, both of whom find themselves at professional crossroads and both desperately wanting to rekindle their friendship, decided on Sunday that a soul-searching road trip was the key to resolving their personal problems.

"I called David and I said, 'David! Hey, David! It's Manny. Road trip, man! Let's do this!' And he said, 'Okay,' and now he is with me in the car here," Ramirez told reporters in a cell phone interview while driving on the interstate. "Papi isn't hitting so good, and I'm not even playing, and we miss each other and love each other, and because we play on different baseball teams now, I play on the Los Angeles Dodgers, and he plays for the Boston Red Sox, I think, and we don't get to spend quality time with each other like we did when we played on the same team, you know?"

"Uh-oh, it says Corvette Museum next right. I got to go, man," Ramirez added. "Hey, Papi, do we have any more Slim Jims?"

According to sources, Ramirez pulled up to Ortiz's Weston, MA home last Sunday, a selection of Tom Petty hits blaring from the stereo of his faded red 1966 Ford Galaxie 500 convertible. After embracing each other, a visibly somber Ortiz told Ramirez, "I don't know what's going on with me, man. I'm not hitting the baseball." Ortiz then threw his battered duffel bag in the car's backseat and asked Ramirez where they were headed.

Ramirez responded, "Just get in."

Several seconds after pulling out of Ortiz's driveway, the car's rear bumper fell off and the overstuffed trunk sprung open, sending a food-laden cooler, several bags, and a shoe box marked "fireworks" out onto the road.

According to eyewitness accounts, the former teammates have been crisscrossing the country with no apparent final destination. They have taken pictures of each another in front of the world's biggest hockey stick in Eveleth, MN; the world's tallest thermometer in Baker, CA; the giant fiberglass muskellunge at the Freshwater Fishing Hall of Fame in Hayward, WI; and while dressed in Lazer Tag uniforms at the Fun Fest Entertainment Center in Harmarville, PA.

While both Ortiz and Ramirez have spent the majority of their trip laughing and reminiscing about when they were the most feared hitting tandem in baseball, their journey has not been without its serious moments. Ortiz reportedly made Ramirez spit out human growth hormone pills in a Motel 6 bathroom in Columbia, MS, and then forced him to flush the rest of his steroid-filled syringes down the toilet.

Ramirez and Ortiz also got into a shouting match in Abilene, TX, when in an attempt to reinvigorate Ortiz's passion for baseball, Ramirez tried to make his best friend watch a Little League ball game.

"You said there would be no baseball," said Ortiz, refusing to leave the car. "I hate baseball. I can't hit the baseball. You know that. If you care so much about me and baseball, why you leave me? Why you leave me by myself in Boston, Manny? Why you do that? Why you act so bad? Boston's a good place."

"You need to deal with that, man. You need to come to terms," Ramirez said. "I never going back to Boston. But, man, look at these kids. This is baseball, man. Little kids having fun and not injecting themselves with steroids and women pills and just stepping up there and hitting the ball. You gotta face it, man. We gotta face it together."

"Everybody's left me, you know?" Ortiz responded, tears streaming down his face. "You left me, Pedro left me. The only one who doesn't leave is Jason [Varitek], and he don't talk to me. He don't talk to anyone."

Witnesses at the scene said that, as the two sluggers cried in each other's arms, Ramirez and Ortiz's attention focused on the Little League diamond, where a player had just hit a walk-off home run. Ramirez whispered to Ortiz, "That is like you in the playoffs, man, but bigger. Remember that? You just go up there and hit the ball. You don't need to think. You're Big Papi. You go up there and be Big Papi."

Ramirez and Ortiz were subsequently sighted exiting a Terre Haute, IN 7-Eleven store wearing Indianapolis 500 baseball caps and brand new neon-orange sunglasses.

"The bigger one kept asking if he should get the hat, and the other one said he would buy one if [Ortiz] did," 7-Eleven cashier Kip Petrun told reporters. "They must have tried on sunglasses for 30 minutes."

"Before they left the parking lot they argued over whose turn it was to pick the music," Petrun added. "I'm pretty sure they settled on that song 'Life Is A Highway,' because they both started singing it at the top of their lungs. I think they said they were going to Nebraska to pick up their friend Pedro something."

The trip reportedly culminated with Ramirez taking Ortiz to a batting cage in St. George, UT. Though Ortiz missed the first several balls, Ramirez told Ortiz that he knew he could do it, and that even if they were no longer teammates, they would always be best friends. Ortiz then began hitting ball after ball, the last five of which hit the "home run" net.

"I can do it. I can hit the baseball again!" Ortiz yelled as he and Manny pointed at each other. "And you can hit the baseball without taking steroids, Manny. I know you can. Hopefully I can, too."

During a tender moment at the Grand Canyon later that night, tourists said that while seated on the hood of their car, Ortiz placed a blanket around a shivering Ramirez and told him, "You're my best friend, man. You're my best friend."

The car's hood then caved in, sending both players into a fit of hysterical laughter

The Sun Shines on Retard's ass every once in a while

2009-05-21T11:29:00.002-04:00

To say our legal system is unfair is to call Don Mattingly a mediocre hitter. Sorry for the absence folks, but Ftheredsox has been fighting a legal battle for sometime with Sports Illustrated writer Selena Roberts and we finally won. She was trying to publish a scandalous essay in SI about us and we just had to prove her wrong, so we’re back!
First things first, Big Re-Tardi hit his first homerun last night… HE'S BACK! WE’RE SAVED! Was the cheer from those suburban sexuals at Fenway last night. Sorry folks, but he ain’t back. You know when you’re cooking a turkey and the outsides get cooked faster and it takes more time for the middle inside to get done? Well that’s Big Re-Tardi, but in his case the timer is almost up and that little pin in the bird is about to pop up!
Secondly, the NY Metropolitans are in town this weekend for a series during inter-league play. I want to stress this to every New Englander out there… The Mets and their fans are nothing like the Yankees, you can’t even compare us, these two teams are totally different. So to say, “Oh the New Yorkers are in town this weekend” is just horseshit! The Mets play in Queens, their fans are gay, and their players are even gay-er! I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again to some of our new readers out there. In 1986 I rooted for the Red Sux in the World Series, that’s right folks, I cursed Buckner, I cheered Dave Henderson, and adored Bob Stanley… well maybe not adored. Yes, I hate the Red Sox more than Hitler, but I guess I hate the Mets more than… Hitler, Himmler, Goebbles and Eva Braun together! If you’re a Yankees fan you hate the Mets and their gay fans, it’s a simple fact of life. So please, even though every news station in the Boston area will be covering this series closely, don’t put the Yankees in the same sentence when mentioning the Mets.

F-Jackie
F-Santana
F-Beltran
F-Wright
F-Reyes
F-Big Re-Tardi
F-Papel-douche
F-Varitek
F-Bay
F-Drew
F-Pedroia
F-Yawkey Way
F-Eastie
F-Chelsea
F-Dorchester
F-Southie
F-Pesky
F-Ted Williams’ dead Kid

He just starting taking Steriods now????

2009-05-07T12:47:00.003-04:00

Dear Manny Ramirez;

Thank You

Sincerely,
Alex Rodriguez

I don’t need to go into this too much, but did he just start using when he went to Los Angeles? I know Manny is half-retarded, but did he just take up shooting roids and not do anything when he was in Boston? I guess he is stupid because as you can see Big Papi stopped using them, but Manny thought he could get away with it. Oh Manny, we hardly knew …. Wait a minute, we knew this the whole fucking time, he’s RETARDED!!!!

F- Southie
F-Eastie
F-Brookline
F-Ted Williams’ frozen head
F-Johnny Pesky
F-Dana Farber
F-Jerry Remy (yeah I said it)
F-Tito Francona
F-Big Retardi
F-Papel-Douche
F-Super Jew Theo
F-Yaz
F-Fisk
F-Rice
F-Dennis Eckersley what a dick
F-Tek
F-Yawkey Way

These Blue-Bloods party like it's 1892...

2009-04-25T19:26:00.003-04:00

I can't take this for another 16 or 17 games, however many we play against each other! I hate FOX, the Yanks never do well on FOX and like everyone else they hate the Yanks, which I've come to accept. What's funny is that David Ortiz has become a medicore player before our eyes and the Sux fans can't accept that. I am just waiting for the first person to boo him, it will probably make every Boston news station! I can see them interviewing the guy that does it, he'll probably be some proto-typical MASSHOLE that is so wasted and it will turn out he thought Youkilis was up and he was chanting "YUK". But come on already, it's so early in the season to be this crazy about this series. Even the blue-bloods where I live in Beacon Hill are into the action. Though try having a conversation about the game with them is like explaining the importance of safe sex to some drunk Irish MASSHOLE!
In case you haven't noticed I'm updating during a game, I never do that but the weather is so nice I decided not to leave my apartment today and instead am watching without sound from a darkened apartment wearing a NY hat turned backwards in case someone is looking in.
Cano just homered, good for me, he's on my fantasy team... of course!

Sure we'll shill for the man from time to time....

2009-04-24T09:55:00.003-04:00

Are mail has been piling up since the move and we just read this from one of our
F-Reporters, you should try to get down to Borders and see the Ole Bern Baby Bern!

Bernie Williams

Album: Moving Forward

Date: Friday, April 24, 2009

Time: 12:30 PM

Location: Borders – Downtown Crossing (10-24 School St., Boston, MA); 617-557-7188

Bernie Williams has wowed audiences both as a NY Yankees star and critically acclaimed jazz guitarist / songwriter. Here is your chance to meet one-on-one with the famed entertainer as he celebrates the release of his latest album ‘Moving Forward’. Due to his limited time with us, no memorabilia will be allowed in line and a purchase of the album at Borders must be made prior to entering the line. See store for details

So long Big Papi... Hello Big Retardi

2009-04-23T15:37:00.003-04:00

That’s it; I have finally had enough of David Ortiz. I used to be a fan of his, but since Manny left he feels he has to be the new sound-bite for the club, unfortunately it’s turned into a fucking book on tape!
HE DOESN”T SHUT UP!
And what he says, I mean come on man. He get’s the props from the media because they look at him like the gentle giant, fun loving to everyone; he’s basically an ambassador of the game.
I’m sorry but its Saigon, 1968, time to get to the fucking chopper!

Have you heard his latest rant?
Here are some nuggets; On Joba Chamberlain throwing at Kevin Youkilis:
“None of that, man- just play the game the way it’s supposed to be, and that’s about it. This is a guy, as good as he is, the next step for him will be to earn respect from everybody in the league. He’s not a bad guy, but when things like that happen, people get the wrong idea”.

Play the way it’s supposed to be played Oritz said, like sticking Human Growth Hormones in your ass daily? Come on Big Retardi, you’re talking crazy now. And there he goes with that “respect” thing again, what’s the big deal about respect? And to say that to an opposing pitcher before a game, I am in shock that a Major League Ballplayer would say something like, really.
If I was Joba, I would fucking plunk the first batter I see on Friday night, what do you think about that Big Retardi? Can you believe that, an opposing batter dictating something like that to a pitcher?
Hey Big Retardi, keep talking, because you can’t hit for shit anymore!
Outside of our offices at Ftheredsox we can look out at Fenway and see all the preparations going into the series coming up. I mean the bums are starting to congregate, the toothless scalpers are marking their territories and the crew from Eastie is on their fifth sixth pack already. It’s going to be a good weekend, the weather is supposed to be in the 70’s and 80’s just perfect baseball weather. I think I may wear my Yankees hat this weekend… in the confines of my apartment with the lights out and the shades drawn bitches!

Our F-Reporters are hot on the scene as always!

2009-04-20T11:53:00.007-04:00

As always we love the support from our loyal readers out there, our F-Reporters as they are called and we were recently sent this link to a video that I know you would love. Apparently the video was shot in the off season as some of the Red Sux players ventured down to Australia for some R&R. You can take the ballplayer out of Boston, but you can't take the dance step out of the ballplayer.

Clink this Link for the Site

Say it Loud, I'm Gay and I'm Proud!

2009-04-18T17:00:00.003-04:00

Hello everyone I’m back after sometime off. You see we were moving our offices of Ftheredsox and it took a bit longer than expected. But I’m back now, more updates to come on a regular basis. My first update to give would be this… I am coming out of the closet, I am GAY!

You see, I attended the Red Sux/Orioles game last night at Fenway and the whole experience turned me gay. That’s right; I walked into Fenway a strong heterosexual male and ended up leaving a confused homosexual twink. Where do I begin? First you’re asking why would I attend a Sox game, well the tickets were free! We had what I thought were great seats to begin with, right down the first baseline, near the tarp, but when we sat down I was facing the green monster the whole time. My neck is killing me because I had to strain the entire game to watch the action. Why they faced the seats away from the action is mind boggling, you would think in 100 years or so they could have fixed that error! The game was actually a good baseball game, a lot of runs, good excitement and for a baseball fan it had it all. The Sux came back from a 7-0 deficit to win the game. I thought it was fitting since I often write about it that Pumpsie Green threw out the first pitch of the game. Do you know who Pumpsie Green is? He was the first black player for the Red Sux… IN 1957! That’s right, the last team to integrate, but I won’t go into that!
I wish that all my readers could have attended the game with me, because you would have thought that you were reading this little blog the entire time while you were watching the game. The stands were packed with the usual “suburban sexuals” that couldn’t tell you one thing about the players on the field, the place was a mess and it just looked old! And Big Papi, he looks like he is sick, he’s thin and can’t hit for shit, he struck out embarrassingly three times last night! I guess the absence of Human Growth Hormones really takes a toll on a guy, because it’s evident on him!
One thing I noticed that I thought was funny was the “luxury seats” down the line in front of us. You see games today at most ballparks and the seats near the field that have waiter service are usually bigger seats, sometimes cushioned, basically conveying an air of sophistication and money. Not at Fenway! The seat that had the waiter service in front of us were actual metal folding chairs, I’m not lying here! I saw an usher talking to the fans sitting there at first and then I saw them bringing food, I was amazed that they were actual luxury seats! It was HILARIOUS! I tried to get pictures of some of the fans sitting next to us but they were right out of a methadone clinic and they were eyeing my camera so I didn’t snap any pictures of them.
I guess the exact time that I realized I was gay was when the 9th inning arrived and Papel-Douche came out. They blast the song from the movie “The Departed” and he stands there for a second, opens the door, and bumps fists with the rotund police officer as he jogs by. The fans recognize the tall retard so they get up and cheer and he scampers by towards the mound with an air of retard-ness and douch-bag all in one, it was actually comical, but again the methadone patients were near by so I didn’t bust out laughing. He walks around the mound and picks up the ball and then begins his warm-ups in the gayest way possible, you can see him working on his stare and trying to figure out how to hold his gaze while throwing a pitch at the same time, he has trouble at both. I’m sorry he conveys no confidence what so ever, none of that. You can tell right away that he is trying so hard to be scary, he just can’t pull it off, but to these yokels he’s the greatest thing on earth!
So I left the game afterwards and was really temped to hit the local bar around the corner “The RamRod” but somehow I turned away and walked back home a defeated, proud gay man!

Red Sux taking advice from George Costanza?

2009-04-03T10:07:00.008-04:00

Did I get you with that April Fools joke??

Recently Larry Lucchino the Red Sux's President was quoted saying,"We are told by our engineers and architects that we will be able to play baseball in Fenway Park for the next 40 to 50 years."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Why would you want to do that?? I know I've gone on and on about Fenway before but this just baffles me. The place is old! It was built for a guy that's 5'5" with a waistline of a 12 year old girl! The seats are falling apart, the bathrooms smell like they've captured a fart that was laid in 1955, not to mention the paint that falls all over the place. "Yes I'd like a dog and beer, but hold the paint chips, Sully!!"

Come on folks, it's the 21st century, it's time to move. Yes, the history and I love it as much as the next guy but let's be realistic. All the added seats each year just don't do it justice, and to hear a quote like the one above just makes me re-iterate my stance on the MASSHOLE mentality... they are morons!

What do you think? Do you want to keep this?

Or do you want to have this?

The Truth shall Set Me Free...

2009-04-01T14:43:00.005-04:00

I need to start off this article with an apology. I wanted to get this to you sooner, but ran out of time. And I desperately wanted to get this to you before the season started so I’m doing it today. My real name is David Sarken and I’m from North Platte Nebraska, it’s sort of in the middle of Nebraska, not far from the Sand Hills. I am a single parent of a 19 year old son that attends Nebraska State, where I teach physics part time. This is a picture of my farm where I write this blog.

I am a devoted Yankees fan though I have never set foot in Boston; actually the furthest I’ve been east is Lincoln, Nebraska. I consider myself an American, I regularly vote Republican, I belong to a golf course that doesn’t allow black people and I have an extensive gun collection. Here is a picture of my son Kieren, he's a freshman in college and why I live.

I know you’re asking yourself then why do you write about the things you write about, how you can have a totally alter ego? About five years ago I had a mental breakdown; I went totally bonkers after I lost my job at the local fertilizer plant. I mean so nuts that I was on the verge of going back there with some guns, but somehow I realized that I needed help so I found a good psychiatrist. After many hours of session she told me I needed a break from myself that I was too wound up in living in Nebraska, raising a child and worrying about work, I need to take a vacation from myself, from me she said. So one day I sat down at the computer and thought. Just then the Simpsons were on and it was the St. Patrick’s Day episode where Bart get’s drunk and Homer becomes the Beer Baron. But at one point in the show a bunch of citizens over-run Kent Brockman’s news tower where he’s reporting and start a fight. One of the people in there was wearing a Red Sox jersey and had what I learned was a New England accent. I wasn’t very familiar with the way New Englanders talk but the more I read up on it, the more I found it fascinating. I thought what would be better than to write about a Yankees fan and his problems with Red Sox fans. But there were tons of sites about that, so I decided that maybe this Yankees fan should live in Nebraska…but that didn’t turn out so well. So I decided to make my character live in Boston, right in the city. I did so much research on the city, maps, neighborhoods, the people, the history; you name it, I new about it. And to this day I’m still learning, and watching. I watch all local Boston news programs on my computer daily, and read the Globe daily as well.
So for almost the past five years I’ve been doing this, pretending that I’m from Boston. Like I said before I am a Yankees fan, but I also love half the players on the Sox, and wouldn’t you know it, Jonathan Papelbon is my favorite! It get’s harder and harder to write about how I hate him and the Sox, but it’s been my medicine for these years. That’s why I’m telling you this today, just as of yesterday I completed my last session with my psychiatrist, I am no longer under a doctor’s care. So I felt that I must end this, I used this site to get away, but I no longer want to get away. I’ve found myself and who I really am, and what I really want to do with myself and where I want to go. I look forward to that journey; unfortunately I can’t take you with me. I hope you understand why I did this and please don’t hold it against me; I truly never intended to hurt anyone. I thank you for reading and laughing along with me. God Bless you.

Last post about that Cunt Schilling

2009-03-31T17:13:00.001-04:00

Gotta love the Onion

E Plubis my Assis

2009-03-26T15:08:00.003-04:00

Do you know what the “The Argo” is? How about the “Liber Actorum”? What about the phrase “Sumus Primi? Any ideas? I’ll give you a hint, people that exit there are usually pretty smart! I’m talking of course about the Boston Latin School. Established in 1635 it’s the oldest existing school in the United States. Harvard which was established in 1636 is rumored to be built because Boston Latin pupils needed somewhere to go after graduation. The “Argo” is their school newspaper, “Liber Actorum” is the school yearbook and the phrase, “Sumus Primi” means we are first. It has produced four Harvard Presidents, four Governors of Massachusetts and five signers of the Declaration of Independence. Benjamin Franklin thought the curriculum too hard and dropped out! To this day its curriculum follows that of the 18th century Latin-school movement, which holds the classics to be that basis of an educated mind. In 2007 the school was named one of the top twenty high-schools in the United States by U.S. News & World Report.
Then can I ask you what the hell this is??

Boston Latin officials seek to quash 'vampire' rumors
March 26, 2009 09:55 AM
By Martin Finucane, Globe Staff
A school administrator wants to set the record straight: There are no vampires at Boston Latin.

The headmaster of the prestigious exam school took the unusual step today of sending a notice to faculty, students, and parents saying that "rumors involving 'vampires'" had begun spreading through the building Wednesday, causing disruption and anxiety for a number of students.
Lynne Mooney Teta asked everyone's help in calming the school community down.
"I seek your cooperation in redirecting your energy toward the learning objectives of the day. Please do not sensationalize or discuss these rumors," she said.
She also said she was concerned that some students' safety might be jeopardized because of the rumors, and asked students to report if any student is being harassed.
"At no time was anyone's safety in jeopardy," she said.
The notice, which was addressed to faculty and students and forwarded to parents, did not say exactly what the rumors were. Teta's office referred questions to a Boston schools spokeswoman, who didn't immediately have a comment.
"Seriously?" said Melissa Duggan.
Officer Eddy Chrispin, a Boston Police spokesman, said police went to the school Wednesday after hearing that some students were spreading rumors there were vampires in the school.
"I'm not sure whether [the supposed vampires] were among the student body or whether they were inhabiting the old corners and crevices of the building," he said.
"We did go over there and speak to some of the students and quelled the rumors that were going and kind of told them the effect those rumors could have on the rest of the student population," he said.
Teen interest in vampires has surged in recent months with the release of "Twilight,'' the first movie from a popular Stephanie Meyer book series. Last weekend, "Twilight'' sleepover parties were held in many U.S. cities coinciding with the DVD release of the movie, starring teen heartthrob Robert Pattinson.
The prestigious Boston public school was founded in 1635, and its students have included Ben Franklin, Sam Adams, John Hancock, Louis Farrakhan, Sumner Redstone, and Nat Hentoff.

I had to post this even though it has nothing to do with sports, just the absurdity of it is overwhelming. The school is open to only kids that live in the city, but that means the blue-bloods of Beacon Hill not the MASSHOLES of Southie! Though I could see it now, some kid, probably named O'Doyle or Callahan telling his buddy Patrick how he just bought these fake vampire teeth.

O'Doyle/Callahan
"Hey Pa-trick, looook at deees wicked funny teeth errraa swiped from the dot head at 7/11"
Patick
"OOOOHHH dude, yous gots to wear dem to school tomorra, scare da broads from Beacon Hill, it'll be a wicked pissa"
O'Doyle/Callahan
"I totally am bra, yous wait and see, we maybe get a day offffff, now come on, let's go smack dat darkie who dressed like the wolfman today"

This is what every news station is covering in Boston as I type, MASSHOLES!!!!

Tonight's Yankees/Red Sux game....

2009-03-24T20:39:00.001-04:00

The Yankees and Red Sux played an exhibition game today down in Florida and you would have thought it was the regular season the way Sux fans were carrying on. It didn’t turn out the way the Yankees had hoped, do to some rookie players on the Red Sux squad trying to make the team this season.
It started in the third inning when A.J. Burnett was pitching to 6 foot 5, 300lb. Meat –Sticker Stingman, a recent call up by the Sux who they really think may be their next phenom. Burnett brushed the ball by Stingman’s shoulder and that turned him loose. Stingman charged the mound as Posada jumped on his back to tackle him, but ended up looking like Roy Rogers riding Trigger. Stingman proceeded to pummel Burnett’s arm, and only his arm until it completely broke free from his shoulder. Out of the dugout 7 foot tall Iron-Tooth McClaven darted towards first base and tackled Mark Teixeira from behind and quickly snapped his vertebra in two, as Robinson Cano tried to pull McClaven off of Teixeira he was gauged in the eyes and both his eyes fell out of his head. As if the scene wasn’t horrible already out of the bullpen came Shoehorn Cafferty and grabbed Hideki Matsui and Nick Swisher bashing their heads together like the Three Stooges, but this time both of their head shattered in centerfield.
John Sterling the voice of the Yankees was astonished at what he was seeing and was calling the entire thing as it happened, that’s when Spoon-Whipper Smith threw a cleat at Sterling but luckily he ducked… Susan Waldman wasn’t so lucky; she took the spike to the back of her head killing her instantly. The carnage didn’t stop until Federal Marshals were called in and stopped the bloodshed. The final toll counted seven Yankees dead and three disabled for life. After the game Theo Epstein was speaking to reporters about his new call ups to the team. “Well we really like what we see in Spoon-Whipper and Meat-Sticker but after this it could be hard for them to finish the season since they may be doing life in prison”.
Jon Kruk from ESPN noted on-air that he thinks that maybe the Red Sux were somehow trying to cripple the Yankees squad for the season so the Sux could take the American League East without problems. When reached for comment Larry Lucchino quickly dispelled Kruk’s theory. “We had some really good reports on Iron-Tooth McClaven when he was playing for the California Penal system, I mean the California North League. It’s just unfortunate that the first time we bring these guys up they kill half the Yankees, oh, well, too bad. Hey George good luck on the season”!

In this economy... Are you sure Fat Mouth?

2009-03-23T16:41:00.003-04:00

I’m back! I want to apologize first as I didn’t notify any of you that I was going on vacation. After the pneumonia put me out for a while I needed more time to recuperate so we closed shop for a few weeks and took some time off. We figured it would be better to take time now before the season starts than during the summer (though I can’t guarantee there will be a week or two during the summer I’ll be out!)

What a day to come back to work to! The office of Ftheredsox is buzzing with excitement with the latest news. I would like to say I’m surprised but then I would be lying right? I mean I predicted this thing months ago, I new he wasn’t coming back, I new he was done. I am of course referring to Blabber Mouth Curt Schilling announcing his retirement today. In one cliché after the next The McDonalds’ Filet O’Fish Mouth Schilling thanked God of course, and his family. I have to get after my research department; I never knew that all of his kid’s names started with the letter “G”, Gehrig, Gabriella, Grant and Garrison, the next child will be Gay!. If you know why he uses the letter “G” for his kids please let me know and send your resume while you’re at it, since my research department is for shit!
I love how Born Again Boy planted his seed for Cooperstown already; did you catch his subtle hint? “That there are men with plaques in Cooperstown who never experienced one, and I was able to be on three teams over seven years…” When talking about winning a World Series. Yeah we get it Curt, you want to be in the HOF, ok. He actually has an ok shot for getting in when you look at the stats. I visited baseballreference.com and you can see who he compares to, some Hall of Famers in that bunch. Look, for all my bashing and stomping that I’ve put on Gaylord Schilling he wasn’t that bad of pitcher, I mean 3000 K’s is a lot!
Let’s get back to the retirement shall we…
I think I have discovered Curt’s new venture after baseball. He’s getting into Football; I mean why else would someone make an obscure reference to Don Meredith in 2009?? And the Refrigerator Perry comment? I couldn’t read it entirely; I was too busy doing the Super bowl Shuffle!! No, he won’t be heading to the NFL, too many blacks for Curt!
No, what Curt does next will be a mystery, for about a week, that should be enough time for him to say his official goodbyes, and see everyone he needs to see and what have you. But then the curtain is drawn, I mean before he was sort of still in the game, but now he is officially out, A FAT LOUD MOUTH, GUN-TOATING BORN AGAIN PREACHING, REPUBLICAN BLACK HATING, EX-BALL PLAYER. It will either make for a great sitcom or one awful biography.

Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office......

2009-02-24T18:02:00.002-05:00

My first visit to Fenway Park was when I was in college in the early '90s. My first visit was supposed to be in 1978 but the games were rained out. It was a family vacation and it was my first step into MASSHOLE land. 1978 was a great year for Yankees baseball, well the second half at least. They trailed the Sux by like 13 games in July, I think (my dates could be off a bit, my statistician was recently let go) and the Sux were pretty good. They had big Jim Rice, Fred Lynn, that douche-bag Carlton Fisk, Luis Tiant and the Spaceman to name a few. But the Yanks, well the Yanks had the greats - Munson, Pinella, Jackson, Nettles, Guidry, Goose the list could go on, but you get the gist of the awesomeness!
It started on the drive from NJ in the station wagon which packed with four kids and my parents was a crazy drive, I believe I blocked out most of it. My brothers were probably making fun of me most of the trip to say the least! We were heading up the MASS Pike trucking along to Boston, things were good. Then as we got closer to the city people kept honking their horns like crazy at us, people were flipping us off, shaking fists, etc. At first we thought it was just because we had NJ plates, but then the investigation took a turn. My brother or mother not sure who did it, had stuck a Yankees Pennant in our side back window of the car facing out! These MASSHOLES saw that and it wouldn't have mattered if the Pope was with us they wouldn't have any of it. Long story short, we removed the pennant from our window, probably because I was crying or something like that and continued into the city.
But that was my first taste of these heathens, these drunks and racists, and I was only 6 years old. That's not something a six year old should have to endure and it wasn't until 13 years later that I was thrust into the scene never to look back.
At first I was the obnoxious Yankees fan spouting numbers, and players and history in my almost hourly arguments with these goons, but I soon realized I could not win. I was a foreigner in their land and had to take it. I then shut down after that for years because I realized that no matter what I said you can't win an argument with these bastards, and being from NJ didn't help because once the berating of my beloved Yankees ended, then the NJ taunts would come out. I've heard them all and now looking back I realize that, man, I should have really sought out counseling. But in a way this little blog has become my therapist. I say what I want, I take the taunts, but I've learned to not listen and let it get to me like it used to.
Because when it comes down to it, I AM A YANKEES FAN... I AM BETTER THAN YOU... I WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN YOU... YOU ARE A MASSHOLE, and there's nothing worse than that.

You know Washington died of a Pneumonia!

2009-02-21T23:16:00.010-05:00

Sorry folks we've had a crazy week here at Ftheredsox, I've been down with a pneumonia and everyone felt they could take the week off! Needless to say Ftheredsox is hiring! But I'm back now, not 100% but will be posting articles in between my bouts with fever and chills.

I like David Ortiz, I always love watching him hit, but now with Manny gone, he can't shut up! Doesn't he realize that he needs to keep his mouth shut! The more you talk Papi the more things are going to come out and the more people will dig, and lately when they dig, they usually find something.

You tell me, all Papi did was workout with this trainer Angel Presinal in the Dominican Republic and not do anything else? He didn't do anything for Papi? Didn't "get" him anything?

I love the picture of Papi on the Twins so I had to bring it out again, enjoy!

Before and After, perhaps?

Telegram for Mongo....

2009-02-13T13:09:00.006-05:00

Every so often I happen to glance at our email or comments that are posted, most of the time I usually have an F-tern who takes care of that. The past few weeks my F-terns have been retrieving past emails and comments and forcing me to read some of them. I felt if I have to read them, you're gonna read them to!
So below I complied a list of some of the better emails/comments I've received from fans over the past few months, enjoy. I've copied them just like they were sent, so don't give me shit if there are grammatical errors, you douche!

Isn't it about time you put that 12 gauge in your mouth and pull the trigger? It isn't going to get any better for you.

* WHY DON'T YOU KILL YOURSELF OR LEAVE BOSTON!

* Dude... you have issues. At first I thought this website was purely some vehicle to launch out insane rants to drive site visitors so you could make some paltry some affiliate links or google adword traffic - but... it does appear that you are truly nuts when you discount someone that actually gets killed in a yankees/redsox related incident. Holy shite... Gawd help your family and GF... although I am quite certain she is your regular punching bag for your own emotional and physical short comings...Lol

* Wow you're real queer. If you hate the sox get out of boston and go to new york with all the other people with sticks up there ass... or in the yankees case jeters penis

* All you people useing the word SUX fans get some creativity will ya? Now tell me WHYYYYY the fuck you live in boston if your were a yankee fan? Why would you do it? you know the shits gunna hit the fans when your dumb new york ass walks in and starts running your mouth about your dumbfuck team. If you just stay in your city and we stay in ours none of this stupid fighting would happen.

* Are you in therapy? You obviously have some serious, underlying issues that need attention. You should be embarrassed by that "transcript" Do you dislike everyone who has a different opinion from yours? Funny you say you hate the Sox more than Hitler. There's irony in that statement given the content of this blog

* You yankee piece of SHIT...KILL YOURSELF!!!

* Could you possibly be the bigger loser? I found your little blog by accident while googling something else. You are an absolute DOUCHE BAG! Why don't you compose a list of NY dick holes like Billy Crystal or all the front-running fake ass celebrity "fans" in the front row... it's like a goddam Laker game. Just fucking KILL YOURSELF and get the hell out of Boston. Go back to that shit hole to the south that we bannished all the riff raff to back in the early 1800's. If you live in Boston now, then you have to be #1 on that list you cunt. DIE!!!

* I can't wait to fuck your mother while watching Remy do the announcing and Big Papi anally raping your sister! FUCK YOU YANKEE PRICK!

* If you honestly can compare a sports team to Hitler then you have major issues son. Get the fuck out of Boston you pissant...

And of course we all know the cous de grace!

* It appears as someone who spends their life following the accomplishments of others you'd have nothing to write if other didn't put it up there for you. You're quite the literary genius, tactful too. Mentioning the city of Boston with the most reviled and despicable human to walk this planet. Oh and your butchering of the English language and awesome 14 year old usage of F bombs is so cool. Oh and it was awesome how you somehow turned Alex testing positive into a "why are we worried about this when the world is going to hell in a handbasket", that's creative as heck. Make yourself happy and move your sorry butt out of the city so beneath someone as awesome as you apparently are. Oh and awesome email address too. There are unread blogs that get more spam in an hour than your site does in a year, but hey, keep on 'speaking the truth' and 'telling it it like it is' CHB junior.

Who said I have to actually write full length articles every day?

2009-02-12T14:23:00.004-05:00

The last word on Curt Schilling for now, well for at least a weekend maybe!
I was reading his blog, actually counting the seconds until he published a new article, it seems he takes longer to write an article than I do! Anyway, I decided to read some of the comments that people send to 'Ole Iron Jaws Schilling, because if the articles are written by a Whacko the fact that people leave him comments will shed some light into their perspective psyche. (Pause for about twenty minutes while I read the comments) And after further review I was wrong, for the most part the people actually disagree with him, wow, didn't see that one coming. I feel a lot better now.

The Onion continues to publish funny articles and I thought I had to publish the article here in case you never read their site, it's good stuff!

A-Rod Dead At 33

NEW YORK—Baseball legend and mythical figure A-Rod, the New York Yankee third baseman and three-time American League Most Valuable Player, was declared dead Saturday after it was reported, and later confirmed, that the former Seattle Mariner and Texas Rangers All-Star tested positive for two anabolic steroids during the 2003 baseball season.
Enlarge Image Arod

A-Rod was 33.

"A-Rod was a person, but a much better baseball player," a statement from the New York Yankees' front office read in part. "We only hope that members of the press will respect our wishes for privacy during this very difficult period. We can assure you that the Yankee organization is going to be haunted by A-Rod's passing for a very, very long time, or at least until his contract expires in 2017."

"Though A-Rod has been taken from us, his impact on this team has been greater in the past few days than it has ever been before," the statement continued. "It feels like he's not even gone."

Born in Texas in late 2000 after signing a 10-year, $252 million contract with the Rangers that made him the highest paid baseball player in league history, the idea of A-Rod quickly became one of baseball's most divisive images. He often wowed fans with his raw, natural talent on the diamond, but at the same time infuriated them with what many called a manufactured, robotic persona.

The loss of A-Rod comes as a shock to those in the sporting community and to baseball fans across the nation, many of whom had hoped that A-Rod—the youngest player to ever hit 500 home runs and arguably the greatest all-around baseball player of his generation—would surpass Barry Bonds' career total of 762 home runs without resorting to the use of performance enhancing drugs, thereby restoring credibility and dignity to sports' most cherished record.

A-Rod's untimely end—coming as it did in the prime of his career, just as it seemed he was poised to usher in a brand-new era of baseball on the strength of his God-given physical talents alone—has forever destroyed that hope.

As of press time, the Yankees, in conjunction with Major League Baseball, are not planning any type of formal tribute to honor their fallen star's memory. In addition, when asked if the jersey belonging to the 10-time Silver Slugger Award winner, multiple Gold Glove Award recipient, and 12-time American League All-Star would be retired in Yankee Stadium, or even if his bust would one day be enshrined in baseball's Hall of Fame, no comment was forthcoming from either the Yankees or Hall of Fame voters.

"I talked to [A-Rod] the day before he went to his reward, and he sounded completely fine," New York Yankee manager Joe Girardi said. "He said he was working out and looking forward to the start of the new season. And then I heard the news on Saturday, and I was just floored. Now that A-Rod is no longer with us, it's like this season doesn't even matter."

"I'm sure he's in a better place," Girardi continued. "Then again, probably not."

While there is no evidence to suggest foul play, some in the baseball community have speculated that A-Rod actually succumbed to self-inflicted injuries. Immediately after the tragedy was announced, former baseball player and fellow 40/40 club member Jose Canseco told reporters that he saw A-Rod's demise coming a mile away.

"There is no doubt in my mind that he did this to himself," Canseco said. "All the warning signs were there: the surprising power from a shortstop, the spike in home runs, the mood swings where he acted like a complete idiot. The guy has been knocking on death's door since 2003, and everyone wanted to pretend like it wasn't true. I'm not going to get into it too much here because the rest will be in my book coming out next month."

Added Canseco: "Trust me, Albert Pujols will be dead inside a year."

Even former Yankee teammate Derek Jeter agreed with Canseco, saying that while he sends his condolences to A-Rod's family and friends—"if he even has any of those"—he had known that A-Rod was a time bomb waiting to go off.

"Unfortunately, I didn't do anything, because, well, I know it's not proper to speak ill of the dead, but now that he's gone I can say this for the record: I didn't really like the guy," Jeter said. "I never liked him. He was a jerk, a fake. The only thing he had going for him was his unlimited potential and tremendous on-field ability, but now that he's been taken from us that really doesn't mean anything."

Even A-Rod's final words, spoken on the eve of his death—"You'll have to talk to the Union.... I'm not saying anything"—were characteristic of his inability to be genuinely human.

A-Rod is survived by 33-year-old Alexander Emmanuel Rodriguez, a divorced father of two who is currently in therapy and who, despite being in extremely good physical condition and possessing the ability to hit 500-foot home runs, has no future in baseball whatsoever.

You say potato... I say ur Gay!

2009-02-11T14:58:00.004-05:00

WOW! The office here is going crazy, the amount of requests for interviews and video conferences is off the hook. We of course never give an interview at Ftheredsox, but after yesterday, well it's pressure. When I say pressure I mean I have now devoted to give you an update daily! That's right folks, every day you'll be hearing from me! Now that's pressure. Thank God I'm surrounded by MASSHOLES, they give me a plethora of ideas! And the fact that Big Mouth Bass Schilling has gone off the deep end it just wonderful. Have you looked at his blog recently? He is now talking politics, I mean one thing a Major League Baseball Player should never do! That's a written fact and I even think it's in the Geneva Convention. He's bashing Obama and the New York Times. I think we have good idea what his life after Baseball is like, that poor, poor man!

People are asking me how I feel, and I tell them I feel exhilarated! You remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry gets heckled by that annoying broad with the laugh, and then he goes to her office and heckles her? That's how I feel, millions of blogs are written every day and usually about someone and something, but how many get a response from the person they are writing about or bashing??? Not many, our marketing department is compiling the numbers as we speak. Well Suckas... I DID!!! A Major League Baseball Player (even though he's an ex-player) bashed me or attempted to bash me in an email and it was AWESOME!!
I have felt a certain amount of pride and well, reward for one comment Tuba Mouth Schilling made when he called me "CHB Junior". At the time I didn't know what it meant, but again, my crack staff tracked it down. Apparently, Dan Shaughnessy, a columnist for the Globe, also a known enemy of Venus FlyTrap Schilling is called "CHB" it means Curley Haired Boyfriend, in reference to Shaughnessy's curly hair. So to put me on the same plateau has Shaughnessy well that was a LOW BLOW!! DAMN YOU CURT, YOU'VE GOT ME AGAIN!!
Come on man, "CHB"? How about "URGAY"?

Letters, we get letters, we get lots and lots of letters.... letters!

2009-02-10T10:39:00.004-05:00

When I was in elementary school in NJ every year we had the annual "Balloon Pen Pal Day". It's where we would attach a letter to a helium balloon and let them go, hopefully it would find us a pen pal in some far distant land. Mine usually got caught in the tree at the end of the playground.
Remember when Charlie Brown would finally get around to writing his pen pal? But of course he would start his letters with "Dear Pencil Pal" Oh, that Chuck Schulz, you get me every time.
Why am I writing about Pen Pals you're asking? Well if you must know I have a new Pen Pal. Sure it's the first letter/email I received from him, but I think we can build this into something that could last a lifetime.

I received this email last night, this isn't fake, the address it was sent from checks out.

No material‏
From: Curt Schilling (cschilling@38studios.com)
Sent: Mon 2/09/09 7:58 PM
To: burninhellredsox@hotmail.com

It appears as someone who spends their life following the accomplishments of others you’d have nothing to write if others didn’t put it up there for you.
You’re quite the literary genius, tactful too.
Mentioning the city of Boston with arguably the most reviled and despicable human to walk this planet.
Oh and your butchering of the English language and awesome 14 year old usage of F bombs is so cool.
Oh and it was awesome how you somehow turned Alex testing positive into a “why are we worried about this when the world is going to hell in a handbasket”, that’s creative as heck.
Make yourself happy and move your sorry butt out of the city so beneath someone as awesome as you apparently are.
Oh and awesome email address too.
There are unread blogs that get more spam in an hour than your site does in a year, but hey, keep on ‘speaking the truth’ and ‘telling it like it is’ CHB junior.

In the words of Kenny Bania, "THAT'S GOLD Jerry, GOLD"

I guess I should feel privileged that he wrote me, but then I thought about it a bit, and realized that, that large mouth bass talks to everyone doesn't he?
A couple of things though... What does the CHB mean at the end of the letter? Two, he mocks my butchering of the english language but I thought everyone knew that you always put a comma or an explanation point after the use of an interjection, come on Curty, that's fourth grade english.
If I know Curt and after this little tete-a-tete, I can say I do, he'll be writing me more, you just can't shut that SOB up!

This just in... That Ketchup wearing QueerBall Schilling Opens his Stem Cell Hating Mouth... AGAIN!

2009-02-09T15:29:00.006-05:00

You know what I hate, is when someone says, "I respect you for saying that" Or on COPS when the Po-Po will say to a criminal, "That took a lot of guts to admit to that, I respect you for that"
FUCK YOU!
I am so sick of people telling other people they respect them. "I may fucking hate your guts you crack dealer, but I respect you for admitting you gave crack to a six year old, you owned up to that"
GIVE ME A BREAK!
What the hell is the big deal about respect anyway? What is this the Genco Pura Company 1931?
Come ON!

The reason I'm talking about this is because he has spoken! No, not Alex Rodriguez, even though he just finished up his interview with Gammons where he admitted to taking drugs. No, I'm talking about that wonderful guy we all love so much, you know who I'm talking about... He's got that sandy colored hair you could lose yourself in for a week, that rotund waistline that keeps expanding, that look of, "you're a black person so I don't trust you", come on you know... he spilled ketchup on his sock?
THAT'S RIGHT CURT SCHILLING!
Oh God Curty just loves these situations, I mean a chance for him to open that huge trap of his and spew his nonsense, knowing people will listen because he's a ballplayer and this is an important story. But what people don't realize or they just fail to see it, is that Curty boy ain't a ballplayer anymore, that's right, he's done, he ain't coming back, and two when he opens his bassoon of a mouth nothing good comes out! You know he had to comment on this whole Rodriguez crap, I'll summarize, he didn't say anything you haven't heard already. Then when Alex does admit it, Curty basically says he respects him for coming clean! Oh, one thing that I thought was funny, in Curt's first article about Alex he made a point to say that he never took performance-enhancing drugs. He says it in just like three lines after he talks about how Alex lied to us! But of course you would never lie to us, would you Curty? You know deep down inside, some weird sub-conscience thought in Schilling's mind is that he hopes he's on that list! Because then he can talk and talk and talk some more bullshit and garbage for the rest of his years! I mean that GUN-TOATING, REPUBLICAN, STEM CELL HATING, KETCHUP WEARING, MOTHER FUCKER WON'T SHUT UP, NEVER, HE WILL NEVER SHUT UP!!!!!

Is that a needle in your ass or are you just glad to see me

2009-02-07T14:46:00.005-05:00

The offices of Ftheredsox are buzzing this morning, actually since late last night when we first learned about this report. Sports Illustrated columnist David Epstein one time intern at Ftheredsox called me last night to let me know that he was breaking a story about Alex Rodriguez's name being mentioned in a report about testing positive for steroids in 2003. So I felt I had to comment on this. I usually don't comment on things like this unless it has something to do with Boston, well you can see how Boston is involved! Ok, if it's true and I believe the Ol' Epper this ain't good for Alex! Like Buster Onley said Alex was the one that was going to lift Baseball up with his God given talent and true athleticism, ok I'm paraphrasing a bit, but you get the gist. Like Ruth did after the Black Sox scandal, Alex was the one that was going to shatter the records and restore our faith. Well you can kiss that good bye Betty!
Look, we all know that a majority of Major Leaguers did steroids, hell, there were 104 players that tested positive along with Alex back then so I'm not 100% shocked by this. Did I want to believe that he was clean, do I want to believe that my beloved Yankees are all clean? Yes. But in fact you can't anymore, that was the Steroid Era, plain to see now. I just know that somewhere in Miami at a shrink's office his couch is getting a hole burned into it as we speak!
But come on, look what's happening in our country today, the economy is ruined, people have no jobs, there's fighting oversees, countless soldiers are being killed, I'm sure we can report on other things, right? How about this Stimulus vote happening right now? I know I haven't turned off C-SPAN for the past 24 hours.
Also, who are the other 103 players on that list that tested positive? I'm sure Alex isn't the only big name, and you can believe that GM's across the country are scrambling to find out. Why just this morning Super Jew Theo Epstein was seen making countless phone calls, and our spotters say his phone book had the pages O and P open while he was looking for numbers. What players on the Sux have last names starting with those letters? And don't tell me Pedroia and Okajima!
Like the Clemen's trainer McNamee said, "it is what it is". Is it that plain and simple?
I just know Canseco's signing a book deal before Torre does again!

You nerd

2009-02-04T12:53:00.003-05:00

Only about a week or so before spring training begins, that’s a great feeling! But the Sports Anchors of Boston’s News Channels were all abuzz yesterday, and you're asking yourself why? Well it’s because Jon Lester reported to spring training already, he’s the first one there! I mean you would have thought some incredible news story just broke, it was like…

Local Boston News Caster on the 10:00pm news…

Anchor
“So the little toddler drank all his daddy’s beer and then used a racist slur against a neighbor, is that what you’re reporting”?

In the Field Reporter
“That’s right Ted, 2 year old Sully Mulcahey from Dorchester, but we are glad to report that the neighbor has been arrested and charged…”

Anchor
“Mitch, I’m sorry we had to cut you off but we have breaking news coming out of Florida, our very own Mack Johnson is in Florida with this, Mack”?

Mack Johnson
“This is Mack Johnson reporting from Florida where we are the first news station to report that Jon Lester of the Boston Red Sox, a pitcher to be exact has just been spotted outside the Boston Red Sox’s spring training complex, again, Jon Lester, Pitcher for the Red Sox has just been spotted outside of their spring training complex”

Anchor
“Mack, can you see what he’s doing”?

Mack Johnson
“Yes Ted, he is apparently sitting in his car.. wait a minute he’s getting out, I repeat, he’s getting out”

Anchor
“Mack, WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHAT'S GOING ON”?

Mack Johnson
“Folks, sometimes it takes a reporter years before they get to break their first big news story, some, they never get the chance, for me, well today is that day. In this little Florida hamlet known as Fort Myers, on this mild day in February, just seven and half years after 9/11, I am pleased to report that Jon Lester, left handed pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, just 25 years old is the first player to report to Spring Training for the 2009 Season”

Reporter grabs his glasses, ala Walter Cronkite circa 1963

Books, Security and Massages

2009-01-26T13:58:00.004-05:00

Usually about three times a month my staff reads emails that we receive on behalf of our little site here, and let me tell you it's caused quite a stir in our security headquarters. I've actually be assigned a driver now and have a detail that coordinates all my meetings and events that I attend, you should see the mess this has caused for my weekly "massages" in Chinatown. But needless to say it's business as usual at Ftheredsox.com, life goes on! Later in the month our list of top ten emails will be posted for your enjoyment.

So, Joe Torre wrote a book and in it are all the seedy details of the locker room and A-Rod's plights. Let me say something to the defunct Red Sux County... THIS IS NOTHING NEW! We all new the trials and tribulations that Alex went through, his obsession with Jeter, who isn't obsessed with Jeter, I know I love the guy! Look, Alex had a lot of weight put on his shoulders from we the media, yes I call myself the media there I said it! Has he produced for us, sure he has, will he continue to produce for us, yes. Has he not produced for us, sure he has, will he continue to not produce for us in tight situations where he should produce, probably. He's not going to hit a homerun every time. This is baseball, one of the hardest sports out there, yes it is a sport and players will have ups and downs. Have I cursed at him, or even wrote about how much he sucks in the past, probably, will I continue, probably, but the point is he is still a Yankee and will enter the Hall of Fame as a Yankee with the Home Run record around his belt. Who cares what the book says, I haven't read the thing yet, some how my early copy was never sent to me, my marketing department is working on that right now, but no phone calls have been returned from the publishing company. As long as a Alex is a Yankee he will continue to be in Derek Jeter's shadow, it's as plain as that. Once he accepts that, which I think he has, he can move on. Derek Jeter is the New York Yankees, and will enter the Hall of Fame one the best Yankees of all time. And you know what, that just eats away at Red Sux County. You hate the man, that beautiful man... I mean that great player, see even my gayness comes out sometimes for him!

Hey Epstein how about getting off your ass and picking up a box!

2009-01-23T08:34:00.005-05:00

The first post in the Obama Era, what a great country! Or as the MASSHOLES call it, "The EEERRRAAA Darkie in Chief" Either way you look at it, it's still a great feeling. Ok, that's all my political talk for the moment... actually I do want to talk off subject a bit, but not by much. I have to give out my Douche Bag of the Week Award today and the ceremony is in like ten minutes so this will be brief... Jim Armstrong who works for FOX 25 in Boston. This guy is the reporter that goes out and finds the obscure stories with a twist, or the weird stories that he finds interesting. They started running his segments a few months ago on the 10 o'clock news, and it's just awful. Why is he a Douche Bag? He ran a story the day after the election talking about how President Obama might not be the President since Justice Scalia messed up the oath of office. He went out and found a lawyer to back him up, I mean it was just straight out of MASSHOLE-VILLE! So this guy Jim Armstrong who usually reports from their Beacon Hill studio which on a clear day you can see my apartment in the background get's the DOUCHE BAG OF THE WEEK AWARD!

February 6th is moving day... I'm sorry Truck Day. That's right, every year they announce the day the moving trucks come to Fenway Park and take the luggage to the Sux's Spring Training Camp. Look, I love the fact that the season is only a few months away, but come on, TRUCK DAY? People actually show up for this day, it's a media frenzy down there, I turned down the offer of a media pass that day because I'm ... uh working that day, I'm really sorry, but I just can't make it, besides my back has been bothering me for a while, but call me if you really get desperate.

Didn't that guy play like 50 years ago or something??

2009-01-12T14:18:00.005-05:00

The Hall of Fame inductees were named today and surprise surprise Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice were named. I don't think many people were caught saying, "WOW, didn't see that one coming"? I was glad to see "The Hawk" Andre Dawson get a good showing, he'll be there soon. My one major disappointment was of course The Hitman Don Mattingly not getting in. He did get a respectable 11.9% of the votes, so on a positive note, that's one thing. Someday Donnie, Someday!

For the city of Boston, they couldn't be happier! Right now thousands of suburban sexuals(if you read this blog regularly, you know who I'm talking about) are turning on their TVs and hearing about the inductee. Now, thousands of suburban sexuals are turning off their TVs and saying, "Who's the old black guy in the red sox uniform"? And right now, thousands of suburban sexuals are entering the name Jim Rice into Google to find out who this guy was. This exact moment thousands of suburban sexuals are navigating off Google to catch the latest episode of "Lipstick Jungle" on NBC.com. That's the typical Red Sux fan nowadays, they know nothing about what happened prior to the 2004 season. But come opening day they'll be out in force with their matching green sox hats and sweaters cheering for Ortiz, Papelbon and maybe Youklis, but only for about four innings then they leave and drive back to Swampscott or Salem, or Canton, while I'm stuck with the scourge of MASSHOLE central beating my door down and pissing on my street. I love this city!
I'm sure you'll do enough reading today and tomorrow all about Jim Rice, so I won't say anything about him... Just that he's GAY!

Lastly you may have noticed a few changes to our little site, yes I've sold out, I've started letting advertisers put products on the site. My accounting and marketing departments thought it would be nice to have a few little extras added to the site, so I couldn't really argue with them. Hopefully it doesn't get to distracting to you. I will not however be writing in any shameless plugs for advertises into the blog. Thank you for your time, now I will head home because tonight it looks like it may be a "Dark Knight" out and trying to find my keys to my apartment in my coat pocket is like navigating the "Amazon.com" river.

Beep... You've reached the office of Larry Lucchino, I, um, am fishing the entire day

2009-01-06T20:53:00.003-05:00

From the Desk of Larry Lucchino;

To all Red Sox Front Office Administration, Stadium Employees, and Players:

All internet, radio and television will be out of service today for...um repairs! Plus we will be holding an emergency safety training for in the event of a nuclear war. All employees and family members will remain in the underground bunker for the entire day while the... um training takes place. All cell phones and blackberries must be handed in upon entering the bunker, this is for your... um safety.

Thank you for your cooperation and have a good day.

Sincerely
Larry Boy

The above memo was leaked to the press this evening after several family members and employees complained about being kidnapped. Police were called in but everything was resolved without incident.

This just in...

We go live to our reporter down on Yawkey Way as the Boston Police are escorting Larry Lucchino out of his office, we take you there live...

Reporter
"Larry, Larry, why'd you do it? What were you trying to accomplish by holding these people underground for the day?"

Larry Lucchino
"It was simply a training exercise, that's all it was, I have nothing further to say"

Reporter
"Come on Larry, that's hard to believe, rumor has it that the drill started just as the Yankees press conference started today, anything to say about that?"

Larry Lucchino
"Yankees press conference? Never heard of them, who are the Yankees? What are you talking about?"

Reporter
"Oh come on Larry Boy, you're telling me that you had no idea the Yankees were introducing Mark Teixeira their new first baseman today?"

Larry Lucchino
"Mark who? Never heard of him. What's first base? What are you talking about?"

Reporter
"I find this hard to believe, the Sox were in the running of signing him and the deal fell through just at the last minute and the Yankees again swooped in and signed him. You spent all winter talking about getting him, about how great he was, about what he would do for your lineup and now you're telling me you never heard of him?"

Larry Lucchino
"OK, YOU GOT ME, I DID IT, AND I'D DO IT AGAIN IF I HAD TO!! IT WAS FOR THEIR OWN PROTECTION, THEY DIDN'T NEED TO WITNESS THAT PRESS CONFERENCE WITH ALL THE YANKEE GREATS SURROUNDING HIM AND SHOWING HOW GREAT THEIR ORGANIZATION IS. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO WITNESS THAT, THERE WERE KIDS HERE TODAY, I COULDN'T AFFORD FOR THEM TO BE SCARRED FOR LIFE AT HOW INEPT OUR MANAGEMENT IS.
WHY ARE THE YANKEES ALWAYS DOING THAT? JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED THEY COME IN WITH THEIR OLIVE OIL VOICE AND GUINEA CHARM, AND HE RUNS OFF. HE THREW IT ALL AWAY JUST TO MAKE ME LOOK RIDICULOUS AND A MAN IN MY POSITION CAN'T AFFORD TO BE MADE TO LOOK RIDICULOUS, NOW YOU GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE, AND IF THAT GOOMBAH TRIES ANY ROUGH STUFF, YOU TELL THEM I AIN'T NO BANDLEADER, YEAH I HEARD THAT STORY"

Lucchino get's taken away in a straight jacket

Reporter
"Well there you have it folks, that's some pretty startling news. Mr. Lucchino went from denying any knowledge of what happened to confessing the whole thing then somehow turning into Woltz the producer from Godfather 1 and finally going totally loony!!"

Our F-Reporters hard at work!

2009-01-02T17:54:00.008-05:00

Happy New Year!
2009, one could only imagine what this year as in store for us. What magic will happen in the new year? What will our new President bring to the table? What environmental issues will we try to conquer? What will happen in Iraq or Afghanistan? What about our financial crisis, shrinking homeowners and jobs? I can tell you one thing I know is certain...
THERE WILL BE A LOT OF DRUNK MASSHOLES IN BOSTON!

We at Ftheredsox.blogspot.com love to hear from our fans, and like CNN's I-Reporters, we too have a desk in our office devoted to that information. We call it Ftheredsox's F-Reporters! Anytime you have an interesting photo or news tip send it our way and maybe you'll get a post. Just today we were sent a few pictures taken today at the New Yankee Stadium.

This of course is the drive into the new stadium, sux fans wouldn't know what that's like. You see you can't really drive to the old ballpark on Yawkey Way, no you have to pay about $45.00 to a gas station attendant three blocks away. Then make you way through the throngs of drunkards and massholes, oh I already said drunkards!

Here we have the new Clubhouse where all the Yankee greats will start their day. In Fenway the players start their day by taking turns feeding Papelbon and making sure he swallows his pills covered in Peanut Butter.

You know what that is by now don't you? Of course the famous hole where that traitor construction worker buried the Ortiz jersey. To most Red Sux fans thats pretty much what the bathrooms at Fenway look like now a days!

One of the Yankee Greats, Donald Arthur Mattingly, suspended high above in the walk ways in the stadium. The only thing suspended in the walk ways of Fenway are the latest lynching victim that was wearing a Yankees hat! That's right, they still lynch people in Boston!

Hopefully you get a glimpse of what this glorious new stadium will look like come opening day. The old stadium, bless it's heart needed to be re-done, it was falling apart in some areas and the Yankee ownership that cares so deeply about it's fans saw that need and corrected it. At Fenway they just keep adding more and more seats, come on already! I love old ballparks just as much as the next guy, but Fenway needs to go, it's built for early 20th century man who was about 5'3" and weighed a buck 10! History smistory I say! With all the money the Sux have they could do something, it may take time and a lot of thought but it could be done. YES WE CAN!

Lastly...

F-MASSHOLES
F-JOHNY PESKY
F-YAZ
F-CARLTON FISK
F-DAVID ORTIZ
F-BRAD PENNY
F-TITO FRANCONA
F-PAPEL-DOUCHE
F-BROCKTON
F-SOUTHIE
F-DORCHESTER
F-THE DANA FARBER INSTITUTE
F-THE JIMMY FUND
F-TED WILLIAMS SEVERED HEAD
F-THEO
F-KENMORE SQUARE
F-YAWKEY WAY
F-WEEI
F-MASSHOLES.. I know I already said that, but come on, you know me by now!

Yes Virginia there is a Santa Clause... He just happens to hate the Red Sux!

2008-12-28T19:28:00.005-05:00

I want to start off this post by apologizing to any followers out there looking for more frequent posts. In the new year of 2009 I will guarantee you at least a post a week, you have my word. Second, Merry Christmas to all!
I was out of the country during the Christmas holiday so I just found out about the Yanks signing Tex, but boy what a signing!!
I seem to recall before the deal was done how much Red Sux county was in favor of the proposed signing of Teixeira, I am correct in saying that right? WOW! Well I guess those weeks before hand the media was interviewing a different red sux county, because today you couldn't find a sux fan out there that has one good thing to say about Teixeira, funny huh?
I am not suprised at all, these are the most fair weather fans in the entire world, they never even heard of Mark Teixeira until a few months ago anyway.
As I quote a recent email I received about the Teixeira signing, note how acurate the one line is, "They loved him, they wanted him. We got him and now he is an overrated bum" How true that email is, as always my sources shall remain guarded.
You see for most folks out there Red Sux county's reaction seems strange, how could they say these things about a guy they were so close to getting, someone that would add the spark they most definately needed to that lineup? I just have to say, my friends, the mind of a MASSHOLE is a tricky one, and something I don't have the patience or the time to explain. These Peter the Apostle mother fuckers are drunk half the time anyway so they don't know what they're saying!
I guess if you knew the whole story about Teixeira you would have known that he wasn't going to sign with the sux anyway. They drafted him out of high school and then wanted him to forget about college and play ball instead. He declined thus severing his relationship and feelings for the sux. So really this is not that big of shock to the above average fan. But again, can you find me one above average fan in Boston?

Attention New York Times Crossword Puzzle, I have a new entry!

2008-12-12T08:30:00.005-05:00

Paris, Milan, New York, three things that come to mind when thinking of fashion, I have never thought of myself as a fashion expert, but I have heard of those three cities. I have had some critics in the past complaining of my use of the word “gay” in articles, for those of you out there reading today that may be offended then I suggest you avert your eyes.
The Red Sux unveiled new uniforms for the 2009 season yesterday. Like something out of a Versace catwalk they strode through displaying their wears, and let me tell you the word gay doesn’t explain what a spectacle. I need to come up with a new word because gay doesn’t capture the feeling you got when you watched The Rem Dog strutting out in his new wardrobe. Followed by Tito Francona the ex-tobacco spitting now reformed gum chewing manager, which by the way is his new official modeling name, and Jim Rice the monster outfielder from the 70’s and 80’s. I was a little lad when I first saw Jim Rice clobber the ball against the Yankees, this was a fierce man, he actually broke his bat once on a check swing he was so strong. I was at a Yankees game in New York once when I saw him almost kill a fan that grabbed his cap as he strode in from the outfield between innings, he was scary. But to see him now, old, and gay, no not just gay but Uber-Gay or Super Gay, no I have it… EEERRRAAAYYY! Eureka!!!

I happen to be at the show last night and was behind the scenes of this EEERRRAAAYYY event and some things that the people didn’t see were fantastic. Like when Curt Schilling showed up, bloated and spewing how he’s moving to France because that darkie in the White House will start a race war. They tried to squeeze this melon into a uniform but they couldn’t get the fake blood stains correct on his ankle and he was scratched from the show. After The Schill showed up they had a body double of Mark Teixeira dressed in a uniform to show people what he would look like as a Red Sux, but they couldn’t fit his name on the new uniform in time so they just had “SPIC” on the back of his jersey, it was quite comical. Soon after the body double exited our ole buddy Jon Papelbon made an appearance, but he was wearing the shirt as pants and they rushed him to the hospital because they thought he was having a stroke, it was later discovered that he was just practicing some new menacing stares that he would use when getting the signs from the catcher. Let’s see, Theo Epstien the boy wonder GM was there of course, but the Yawkey family wouldn’t let him appear because they didn’t like the new Red Jew uniform he wore complete with yamaka and long locks down to his waist, there was quite a commotion getting him out of there. Finally Johnny Pesky showed up but he was completely naked and just rambling that he thought it was bath time or something like that, he was quickly taken back to the old age farm.
All in all it was exactly what I thought it would be, a super EEERRRAAAYYY event complete with morons and buffoons parading around like the EEERRRAAAYYYS they were, so pretty much like a usual visit to the ole ballpark in the Fens!

I've been away on assignment

2008-12-05T09:31:00.004-05:00

Good day folks, the author of this little blog is back, it's been over two months and not a peep, you probably thought I was lynched by some MASSHOLES didn't ya?
No, honestly I've been away covering a story...

Where can you find pleasure
Search the world for treasure
Learn science technology
Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true
On the land or on the sea
Where can you learn to fly
Play in sports and skin dive
Study oceanography
Sign up for the big band
Or sit in the grandstand
Where your team and others meet...

In the navy
Yes you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes you can put your mind to ease
In the navy
Come on now people make a stand

They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit!

Well I'm back folks, so don't you worry, I'll be covering all the hard hitting stories of the offseason in Boston, from Whitey Bulger's plot to shoot Don Mattingly to The Yankees Suck chant at the local Christmas Tree lighting in Copley. I'll be with you the whole way.

Maybe I can collect stamps...

2008-09-26T13:17:00.005-04:00

The air is getting crisper as evening draws on Boston. The leaves on the trees along Storrow Drive are starting turn yellow and orange, I've never noticed them before. That's right it's fall and that means postseason baseball. For the last thirteen years I've always had something to do in October... I guess I can take up pottery. The Yankees are the greatest franchise in the history of organized sports, I'm not worried about next year, this year was just a slight hiccup that can easily be healed by a cold cup of winter, I mean water. That's about all I'll say on that subject. Now to more pressing matters, like the celebration of the red sux this year after clinching. I watched the coverage on NESN as the game got over, man it was funny. I had douche chills running up and down my spine the entire time. The scene in the clubhouse was crazy! And of course who was the center of attention... Papeldouche! I mean come on man, you've been here before, you're just a whacko. Watching his face as he celebrated, you would have thought he was some pedifial that just got a job at Toys "R" Us, that creepy.
Cut to about half way through the celebration and then three pitchers, (I'm not sure who they were) take off running with champagne to the sux bullpen out in right field. Now for those that don't live in the area, I'll explain the bullpen area for the sux. Whenever a reliever comes in the gate for the bullpen opens and a rotund flatfoot stands outside it and watches the pitcher go in the game, I guess he's there for protection or something like that. When Papaeltard comes in, he and the krueller pump fists. Now these three guys get to the bullpen and who's there but officer McClusky, that's right! Then all of a sudden they start to drench this guy in champagne, I mean soak him up, it was hilarious! But not to be outdone, the Boy Wonder-less comes racing out and does the same to the copper, then the camera follows Douche-LaRouche back to the dugout with these closeups, and he just has this gay as grin and he's pretending to be exhausted and appreciative, it was the best acting I've seen since Martin Sheen tried to do a Boston accent in The Departed and in Kennedy the TV mini series. But he's not down yet, he then goes over to the stands and starts spraying everyone with champagne. What is it with these fans enjoying getting showered with champagne in their street clothes?? How ist that enjoyable for the shmuck that has to take the commuter rail home to Providence smelling of cheap champagne.

I love this pic, you can see like a ten year old kid holding the bottle of champagne that Papelfag just gave him. Just wonderful... well it's New England and the MASSHOLE has to start somewhere.

The Douche Bag standing next to McCain!

2008-09-09T16:23:00.004-04:00

Gillette Stadium, Foxboro, MA Sunday September 7th, 2008

Announcer

“Brady goes back to pass, he sees a man open, OH NO, he’s hit, it doesn’t look good folks, Brady is being carried off the field, this isn’t good”

Cut to interior of Curt Schilling's House

Mrs. Schilling

“Curt, Curt dear, come quick, something’s happened at the football game, the Jew announcer just reported that Tom Brady is hurt”

Curt

“What? I’ll be right there, here boy take these and clean them good”

Hands his gun collection to a young black kid wearing rags that works for him

Mrs. Schilling

“Look sweetie, even that large nigger is helping Brady onto the cart, Tom better wash his hands after touching that darkie”

Curt

“Don’t worry honey, I gave Tom my Nigger be gone cleaning lotion that I created last year, I’m sure he’ll use it. Now what do you think happened to him?”

Mrs. Schilling

“Well it looks like that large Spook took him down, or is he a spic?”

Curt

“It doesn’t matter who did it, this is going to be front page news for the rest of the week, I must do something”

Well the Loud Mouth is at it again, this time he’s blasting New York for being happy that Tom Brady is hurt. Wait a minute you Douchebag, what report did you read that has New Yorkers coming out saying they are glad that Brady is hurt???
This Ketchup wearing, Republican Racist is out of the lime light, he’s fat and out of shape and washed up with baseball. No one pays attention to him anymore, no ones cares what he says and he knows it. So now he’s making shit up to try to capture that spotlight again. MY GOD what a douche!

This fucking bastard just can’t stomach the fact that someone steals his spotlight, so what does he do, hey what do all MASSHOLES pick up on??? OH Yeah, whenever you mention the New York Yankees, so that’s what I’ll talk about, even though I’m making the whole shit up, it doesn’t matter, I just talk and talk and whatever comes out of my mouth is right, because I said it.

What legacy does this blowhard have? Hall of Famer, possibly, but Ty Cobb was an asshole too. No he leaves the game of baseball, and believe me he’s done, and he hits up the talk shows for the rest of his life, and these MASSHOLE talk shows eat him up because even they realize what a buffoon he’s become.

For every Masshole turn, turn turn....

2008-09-05T09:40:00.003-04:00

Ah the Fall, it soon will be upon us, there's nothing like autumn in Boston. The above pic is right outside my aparment on the Common and it's such a peaceful sight. I don't have a picture of what it looks like at night with the MASSHOLE bums asleep drunk underneath the bench, that's for another day.
Ok, let me get it out of the way now, the Yanks are in trouble, there's no denying that, it's going to take some good baseball to get back on top. I'm optimistic though and I think we can pull it out! Look, I lived over 20 years and only saw two World Series wins before we began the run, so I can deal with not having anything to do in October. I lived through teams that the only thing we had to look forward to was Donald Arthur Mattingly, so not getting to the post isn't the end of the world. I know most MASSHOLES out there are saying I'm already giving up, but no that's not the case, I know we still have it in us, what I'm saying is that I understand losing, these past 12 years hasn't jaded me. That's about all I'll say on that subject.
Moving on...
I don't know if anyone outside of Ma. has seen the Fuckin Donuts commercials, you konw the ones with the guy helping his friend move, or the people walking to work? Now I don't know but is Dunkin Donuts a New England company? I have no idea, but if I was to guess it is?? I say this because they capture the exact picture of MASSHOLES in their commercials. Now, I have to commend their advertising agency for this, because they know MASSHOLES see this commercial and say, "Oh yeah, wicked, that wuz me and Sully da otha day" But for non-MASSHOLES, they are the most God awful commercials on the planet. Fuckin Donuts, the working mans' Starbucks!

I happen to watch part of the Republican Convention last night... I was tired and wanted to fall asleep. Man, is it me or was the convention like most Red Sux home games? I say that because THERE WASN'T A BLACK PERSON TO BE SEEN IN THE WHOLE PLACE!!!!!

Manny's Happy, the Crack is cheaper in LA

2008-08-01T07:13:00.006-04:00

YOU TALKIN TO ME, YOU TALKIN TO ME?

Apparently Manny is already rehearsing monologues for when he goes on auditions in Hollywood.

Well up until I got the call yesterady afternoon that Manny was traded I didn't think it was going to happen. I expected the Sux to hang on to him until the end of the season and then let him go somewhere else. This post won't be long, I just want to say to all of Red Sux County....

I TOLD YOU SO!

For years I've been lambasting this stooge Ramirez and finally within the last few weeks reporters are picking up on the fact that he was a bitch! And the fans finally realized he wasn't worth it. "The Sux don't deserve me" he says, he sealed his own fate with those comments, and the fact that he stopped running out grounders recently.

Well now I guess I'll bid farewell to all my supporters out there, without Manny, what will I write about.... HA! As long as there's a MASSHOLE getting drunk I'll always have a blog! Besides, maybe Jason Bay is really a douchebag.

Kenmore, Massholes and Jew Haters!

2008-07-26T11:03:00.003-04:00

MANNY, MANNY WHERE ARE YOU?

That's actually what Lowell was so upset about last night, the proof what I've been saying for years... Manny Ramirez doesn't give a crap about Red Sux County!

Great article in the Globe today by Dan Shaughnessy, just ripping the shit out of Manny. The Sux could have used him last night, but again he failed you and I think this time everyone is re-thinking how much they really love this guy. After years of getting away with murder this crack-smoking-retard is finally pushing the enevelope and it looks about time that management is realizing this.

Do me a favor... Take your computer screen or laptop, or whatever you're using to view this page and shake it back and forth the entire time you're trying to read!
Annoying huh? WELL TRY WATCHING AN ENTIRE GAME LIKE THAT!!
NESN the Sux broadcast re-positioned their camera in center field to get the angle of directly behind the pitcher, and now everytime a person gets up out of their seat the God Damn camera shakes! I mean come on folks! I felt like I was watching the '89 World Series!

Last night was awesome, one of the best games you'll see all year. Red Neck boy did a good pitching for the Sux, but Joba did a better job! And Mr. Rivera, well he's the greatest of all time. I actually saw Papel-douche with a pen and paper taking notes when Mr. Rivera was in the game last night! Here's a hint Papel-douche, it's called a "cut fastball"!!!

But the Coup de grace last night was when Joba let one go and almost hit Jay Leno with a beard, I'm referring to of course Yuk. Ok, there is some history between these two, but last night... NO WAY! With a 1-0 game he wasn't about to let any base runners on, the pitch just got away. Ok, done and over with, both benches warned, done subject... BUT NO!!!! NESN for the rest of the game had to have a split screen with Yuk and Joba, it was awful!

The scene outside Fenway was electric though, MASSHOLES GALORE! And to make matter worse there is construction going on all over Kenmore Square so you have MASSHOLES crossing the street, MASSHOLES stuck in traffic, MASSHOLES coming out of the T, MASSHOLE construction workers sitting around, MASSHOLE cops sitting around, MASSHOLE bums sitting around, it was insane outside the park!

F-Manny the crack smoking baby
F-Yuk you bitch, so Joba doesn't like Jews, get used to it!
F-Varitek, try batting above .215!
F-Beckett
F-Theo
F-Pesky Pole
F-Yaz
F-Fisk
F-Southie
F-Brockton
F-Eastie
F-The North Shore all together!

PAPEL-BITCH

2008-07-16T07:48:00.003-04:00

With the absence of Ketchup-wearing sock boy Curt Schilling out of the lime light, Ole Down Syndrome Boy Papel-douche is taking the megaphone and making fans everywhere now a days.
I could tell you just by looking at this guy that he needs to keep his mouth shut and pitch, don't make statements, speeches, just learn your baseball talk and be on with it. Always remember, "This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains" Say that to every reporter and you are all set!

BUT NO!!!! This wanna be tough guy starts opening his trap and BAM he doesn't just insert his foot, he inserted both feet and a hand!!

Look I don't mind that he said at first that he should close, he's a professional baseball player, he should want the ball every day, I have no problem with him saying that.

But then before he left the conference to come back and take the microphone and say, "NO wait sorry, Mariano should close he's the one that should get the ball" WHAT THE F***? What was someone standing next to him after he said his comments and said, "Opstay alkingtay aboutway eingbay ethay Oserclay"
TRANSLATION - STOP TALKING ABOUT BEING THE CLOSER!
WHAT A MORON!

But then the Coup de grace had to be when he said his wife felt threatened at the All Star Parade... NO SHIT YOU DOWN SYNDROME LOOKING, SAVE BLOWING, RETARD!!
Look most New York fans don't take it lightly when you say anything negative about Mariano Rivera. He is someone that you don't talk about in a negative way, he is like when the photographers wouldn't take pictures of FDR in wheelchair untouchable!
So of course you're going to get shit in New York City!
I loved when the New York fans chanted "OVERRATED" in the ballpark last night. And he let a run score to top if off. Bottom line, keep your mouth shut!

But I bet the household of a one Curt Schilling is going crazy right about now. Oh why didn't I say that first he's thinking, ok what is my reaction going to be and how can I make sure that ESPN hears it. And the story goes on and on!

Terrorism Threat Level set to... MASSHOLE

2008-07-07T17:47:00.003-04:00

ATTENTION ALL YANKEE FANS LIVING IN NEW ENGLAND, THIS IS NOT A TEST, I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A TEST. MAN ALL BATTLESTATIONS, PREPARE FOR FULL ON ASSAULT. KEEP ALL N AND Y INSIGNIA OUT OF PLAIN SIGHT AND DON'T GO OUT ALONE

This just in from the Daily News - Another Yankee fan beaten in MA.

You know hundreds of years ago there was another type of fan, this fan enjoyed a certain religion and they were persecuted for it. So you know what they did, they up and left England and landed on Plymouth Rock! Being a Yankee fan is a religion too, but we ain't running you MASSHOLES!
What's funny is these modern day MASSHOLES are probably distant relatives to the same bunch that got their asses kicked in England those many years ago!

It's getting worse everyday in Ma. the other day I stumbled on site that's coming out soon and the creator's bio read, "Enjoys beating up Yankee fans and making fun of people from NJ"

Well I must be numero uno on their hit list because I love the Yankees and I was born in NJ... COME AND GET ME YOU MASSHOLES!

F-MANNY'S CRACK PIPE
F-ORTIZ'S GAY WRIST
F-YUK'S EXTENDED CHIN
F-VARITEK'S C ON HIS UNIFORM -WHICH STANDS FOR CUNT!
F-DANA FARBER
F-SOUTHIE
F-DORCHESTER
F-BROOKLINE
F-COCO
F-PAPEL-DOUCHE
F-YAZ
F-FISK

That wouldn't have happened to George Costanza!

2008-06-30T15:20:00.006-04:00

GIVE ME YOUR WALKER OLD MAN, I CAN SELL IT FOR SOME CRACK!

So the Providence Journal reports that our buddy Manny pushed down a 60 year old man the other day in the clubhouse. The elder gentleman is the Traveling Secretary for the Red Sux and apparently Manny was upset because the secretary couldn't get the right amount of tickets Manny requested for the game that night. So he does what any punk would do, he knocks the guy down! I mean come on folks! First Pedro then this thug?

Article in the Providence Journal

From what I hear the AARP is writing up a statement to all Red Sux fans older than 55 about things to look out for when attending Red Sux games!

Look I like Tito Francona, but to me it seems like he has no control over his players, sure they win, but the media needs to look at Tito a little more on how he handles players, he doesn't do that good of a job!

My FU of the week goes to Butch Sterns, the sports caster for FOX 25 News. Ole Butchy apparently doesn't like the fact that MLB is making the players involved in that brawl between the Sux and Rays sit out the first game of the series between these two teams. This guys is the first one to jump all over a player for "disrespecting the game" or talking about the media hype when a team comes to town and how it's too much! Now he's mad that there won't be a brawl the first game of the series because these players won't be involved. Just like a typical MASSHOLE, get's upset when he can't watch a fight!

So I'm in the movies yesterday afternoon, the theatre was packed and about half way through the movie the screen goes dark, problem with the projector. It took that crowd all of about 45 seconds to start a YANKEES SUCK chant in the MOVIE THEATRE!! Can you believe that??

3 years and going strong!

2008-06-17T12:42:00.002-04:00

I've been away for a while, but I'm back for now, and boy did I miss a lot going on around the town, huh?
The Coco Crisp fight - have you listened to him talk? What a thug! He was looking for that fight and he got it, what a punk!
The Yuk and Manny fight - Apparently some players don't like Yuk throwing his bat and helmet and they let him know it, but I believe Yuk gave Manny shit because Manny was busy doing crack and ran out onto the field just when the fight was over between the Sux and the Rays
Enough about what I missed, which I know was a lot more... Oh one more thing. Legal Seafoods started a marketing campaign on all the Trolley cars in Boston. They have a picture of a fish and a bubble with the Fish talking. It says random things, but apparently it joked on T driver saying, "Doesn't this T driver have the face of a Halibit?" Something along the lines of that. Well these Masshole T Drivers complained about the ad, it's crazy! Though Legals didn't pull the ads yet, good for them!

On to the post!

Today marks my 100th Blog Entry on this little site! I thank all of you that have supported this site throughout it's three year run behind enemy lines, I couldn't have done it without your support. This being the 100th entry I wanted to come up with a doozy of an entry and the only thing I could think of was...

THE TOP 100 MASSHOLES LIST
100. Paul Cellucci
99. Robert Frost
98. Connie Mack
97. John Kerry
96. Rob Zombie
95. Eric Bogosian
94. Leo Durocher
93. Eliza Dushku
92. Cecil B. DeMille
91. Leonard Berstein
90. Robert Goulet
89. Eli Roth
88. Leonard Nimoy
87. Jeff Reardon
86. John Quincy Adams
85. Ed McMahon
84. John Cena
83. Mary Baker Eddy
82. Crispus Attucks
81. Jack Kerouac
80. Louisa May Alcott
79. Abbie Hoffman
78. John Hancock
77. Michael Dukakis
76. Jane Curtin
75. Walter Brennan
74. Amy Poehler
73. Mickey Cochrane
72. Tony Amonte
71. Geena Davis
70. John Krasinski
69. Jeremy Roenick
68. Tom Glavine
67. Alex Rocco
66. Joe Perry
65. Donnie Wahlberg
64. Joe Quimby
63. F.Lee Bailey
62. Eli Whitney
61. Mark Bellhorn
60. Rachel Dratch
59. Olympia Dukakis
58. Bridget Moynahan
57. Henry Cabot Lodge
56. Edgar Allen Poe
55. Norman Rockwell
54. BJ Novak
53. Dr. Seuss
52. Timothy Leary
51. Uma Thurman
50. Kurt Russell
49. James Spader
48. Jack Lemmon
47. Edward Norton
46. Matt LeBlanc
45. Bette Davis
44. Matt Damon
43. James Taylor
42. Steven Wright
41. Casey Affleck
40. Rob Corddry
39. Steve Carell
38. Conan O'Brien
37. Barbara Walters
36. Mario Cantone
35. Jay Leno
34. Denis Leary
33. Albert DeSalvo
32. Michael Chiklis
31. Bobby Brown
30. Matthew Perry
29. Jim Craig
28. Gene Lavanchy
27. Squanto
26. Tony Conigliaro
25. Cotton Mather
24. Manny Delcarmen
23. Nick DiPaolo
22. Lou Merloni
21. Louis C.K.
20. Jim Craig
19. Doug Flutie
18. Steven Tyler
17. James Bulger
16. Samuel Adams
15. Ben Affleck
14. Robert Kraft
13. Paul Revere
12. Rocky Marciano
11. Mark Wahlberg
10. Dane Cook
9. Cliff Clavin
8. James Curley
7. Thomas Menino
6. John Adams
5. Doug VB Goudie
4. Lenny Clarke
3. Mark Fidrych
2. Mike Eruzione

And the Number 1 MASSHOLE is... JERRY "REM DOG" REMY

EEEEERRRRAAAAA, HE'S GOIN' HIT IT TO SOUTHIE!

2008-05-23T08:58:00.005-04:00

The link attached is a recent NY TIMES article where they talk about a promotion at the All Star game where fans get to call a homerun for David Ortiz during the Home Run Derby.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/23/sports/baseball/23ortiz.html?ref=sports

For those MASSHOLES that don't know a thing about Baseball, I'll explain a little about the "Called Shot" I think it was in the 1932 World Series where the Yanks played the Cubs in Chicago. The whole series the Cubs bench was riding Ruth, in those days it wasn't uncommon for an opposing bench to yell and ridicule other players while at bat, in the field etc. I think Yankees pitcher Wait Hoyt had something to do with it, either he was on the Cubs at the time or was a one time Cub, EEEERRRRAAAGARDLESS as the Rem Dog would say. Ruth was at bat and the story goes he pointed before a pitch was thrown and then belted the sucker to where he pointed for a homerun. Ever since that day happened there have been numerous arguements as to if he called it. I don't know if Ruth actually came out and said it or not, I think he said something like, "You saw it" or something like that. Most people believe he was pointing at the pitcher at the time. Either way you look at you it's still great baseball lore.

Most will think I don't agree with this, but I say let's do it! The Yankees front office isn't very happy about it because it's a Red Sux, but according to the article they don't get much say apparently because they are only the hosts, and are not sponsoring the event. The Home Run Derby is a show and if the fans want a little more excitement during it then I say let them have it. Let's be honest, after a while the Home Run Derby can get a little boring anyway, and if some Joe get's to win a million bucks, don't stop him!

If this was to happen in Fenway and say a Yankees player was to do it, there would be rioting in the streets. These MASSHOLES wouldn't go for anything like this, no sir! But no Red Sux player ever called his shot did they???

EEERRRAA GO WEST YOUNG MAN!

2008-05-17T09:50:00.002-04:00

There is nothing quite like summer in New England. From the mountains of the Berkshires to the dunes of the Cape, this state has everything to offer. Did I say mountains in the Berkshires?
I meant from Sully’s in Dorchester to the dumpsters in Brockton! I couldn’t help myself!
No, really there is so much going on this time of year, tons of festivals in the North End, concerts at the Hatch and MASSHOLES. I CAN’T STOP!

It’s also a time of the year that I like to call, THE MIGRATION.
You see Boston is home to about 5000 colleges and universities that means like 5 billion students live in the city from September to May. But come the end of May all those little dumplings leave the city and head back to Michigan, Ohio, South Dakota, California or wherever the hell they make home. That’s part I of the MIGRATION.
Part II of the MIGRATION or EERRRRA MIGRATION as I like to call it begins when the TRUE MASSHOLES converge on Boston or Fenway to be more precise. You see these Blue Bloods don’t really start going to games until after the students leave. In April and May it’s the beginning of the season, not much is happening, standings don’t mean that much, and there a bunch of players that may be new to the team or what have you. So the True MASSHOLES have no interest in coming into the city because they hate the kids, they don’t know any of the players and the Sux are usually in like 2nd place. But once the kids leave, it’s Carte Blanche for these MASSHOLES! The weather gets hot, the liquor flows and you can urinate anywhere without hitting a textbook.
Most of the Blue Bloods would never be caught dead in the Bleachers though, no sir! They have their luxury boxes or close to it and usually don’t saunter in till around the 3rd inning when their Whiskey settles in. But if the Sox are losing don’t expect them to stay around too long! Plus they don’t stick around too long because that’s when the darkies come out and we all know what happens then… Rape, Murder, you name it!
No, the EERRRRRA MIGRATION is a simple one for these MASSHOLES. They basically just want to be seen or tell their friends they were at a game. Sitting next to their friends Jim and Mary, the Suburban Sexuals from Bridgewater, wearing their matching pink Red Sux hats and sweaters over their shoulders talking about the great finds they made at their recent antiquing excursion. It’s pathetic!

F – Manny
F – Johnny Pesky
F – The Jimmy Fund
F – Southie
F – Tito Francona
F – Retarded Papelbon
F – Jason Varitek, take that “C” off your jersey fag boy!

HEY SOMEONE GET THIS MASSHOLE OFF MY WINDSHIELD!

2008-05-06T10:36:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I had to comment on this broad above, she ran over a Red Sux fan recently and killed him. I believe, the chick's name is Hernandez. That right away tells you it wasn't just the fact that she was a Yankees fan and being ridiculed. No, no, these Massholes probably started in on the whole racism thing and such, here is a small transcript of the bar outside before the incident:

"DIRTY SPIC, GET OUUUTTAAA EEEERRRRAAAA BAAAARRRRR AND GOOOOAAAAA MAKE MOOOORRRREEE TACOS, YOU WHOOOOORRRREEE"

You know that's how this whole thing happend, she meant to scare them but lost control. I love how this is getting so much news coverage here, it's amazing, the night it happened, the day after, the trial, the screaming family! The guy who died is actually being canonized tomorrow because he was so incredible. The witnesses said he bravely pushed his friends out of the way and got hit! Are you kidding me! This punk was probably so hammered he stumbled into the oncoming car having no idea what happened! It's a tragedy that someone lost a life, but it dumbs down papers like the Globe for giving this so much cover!

Diamond Joe Rem Dog

2008-04-24T18:03:00.004-04:00

I was holding off until I was able to write something that was really good, I mean nothing like the crap I usually scribble down. Here I was all set to write my 100th blog entry and realized I had only written 95 of them. I felt like a kid from Eastie that just talked to a black kid in front of my friends!
Let me get right to it,
THE REM DOG!
For those that don't know, Jerry Remy is the TV announcer for the Red Sux. Jerry was a decent little ballplayer in his day, nothing to crazy, I think he lead the league in stolen bases one year with like 15 or something like that. Anyway, The Rem Dog, as they call him has THE thickest Boston accent, I mean he is what everyone sounds like when they TRY to do a Boston accent, it's pretty comical. I happen to watch a few Red Sux games when the Yanks aren't playing, but when the Yanks play the Sux, I have to watch it on NESN the Red Sux channel for games. I actually used to sort of not mind Remy that much, I found him very funny in the way he talked, but now he's basically a joke to me.
The Yanks were playing the Sux a week or so ago, it was the game when I think Farnsworth for the Yanks lost one and the ball flew about five feet behind Manny. Manny was probably so high on crack at the time he didn't even realize what happened, but everyone else did. And then for the rest of the game every inning, almost every batter it seemed like when a Yankee stepped up, The Rem Dog talked about if this batter was going to get hit. I mean he went on and on about how it should happen, it's supposed to happen, and basically WHY isn't it happening. This is sort of what it sounded like:
REMY
"Ok folks, Derek Jeta steps in, ya know dis keed is some hitta, and what's wit Beckett, why isn't he trowing at Jeta? I mean Manny pretty much got plunked by Farrrnsworth, that's just da way ya play da game. EEEEERRRRAAAAGARDLESS of what else happens, one of these Yankees should get hit, dats ole school."

This went on for the rest of the game, he was almost willing the pitchers for the Sux to hit a batter, it was pathetic.
Then he went on a small rant about how he thought the whole Ortiz jersey buried in Yankees stadium was a fake, just a publicity stunt by the Steinbrenners. $175 G's later and we see it wasn't Rem Dog.

That's all on the Rem Dog for one day, but if you haven't caught him announcing you have to someday, the quintessential MASSHOLE.

F- THE REM DOG
F- BIG PAPI(the sux fans think they're above everyone else because they don't boo him, you know you want to, he's batting like .169, just boo him already)
F- MANNY - cut your hair you hippy!
F- KENMORE SQUARE - you get off the T and go straight to the ballpark, you don't stand around and just get drunk in the street and piss all over the place where people walk you heathen!
F-SOUTHIE
F-EASTIE
F-DORCHESTER
F-BROOKLINE
F-THE JIMMY FUND
F-JORDAN'S FURNITURE
F-TED WILLIAMS' DECAPITATED HEAD
F-MASSHOLES THAT LIVE IN OTHER STATES
F-PAPELBON

Kenmore Square and a Retard named Papelbon

2008-04-14T11:49:00.004-04:00

Ok, finally I am back from vacation, I know I teased a bit when I came out and talked after the Super bowl (I think that's when I posted last) but now I'm back for good!
I see the Yankees were just in town for a three game series, you know how I know that (well I'm a die hard Yankees fan so I checked the schedule) but if I wasn't a Yankees fan...you know how I know that? BECAUSE EVERY MASSHOLE AND THEIR FATHER DESCEND ON KENMORE SQUARE AT 10:30AM FOR A 4:00PM GAME! It's crazy how early these fans get here, take opening day for instance. The game started at 2:00pm on a Tuesday, I was taking the T into Kenmore and I arrived there at about 7:30am, you would not believe the amount of people coming out of the station with me and heading to the ball yard. And we're not talking your father and son going to their first opening day Norman Rockwell shit; we're talking Sully and Billy passing the six pack around on the Blue Line leaving Wonderland at 6:30am. Fast forward to about 4:30pm or so when the game was in about the 6th inning... UNLEASH THE HOUNDS!! Kenmore Square turns into a mad house, a mad house! For people that don't know Kenmore Square I'll try to explain. You have Beacon Street, Commonwealth Ave and Brookline Ave, the three main streets at Kenmore. All three are major thorofares leading in different directions out of Kenmore. Brookline Ave runs directly past Fenway and is the main route of travel for people leaving the stadium. Those people stumble out of Fenway in the middle of the game because... Here is a list of the Top 5 Reasons MASSHOLES Leave Fenway Early... 1. They are so wasted they won't get served anymore by the vendors, so it's no fun being at a ballgame when you're sober. 2. Their girlfriend ran out of money and won't buy them anymore beer so they are leaving to find another girlfriend. 3. Their neighbor called to tell them that DSS was there and taking their kids away because they left them in the bathtub and went to the game. 4. It's the 6th inning and Big Papi is taking the rest of the afternoon off, so since he's the only one on the team they know it's better to just leave. And finally the 5th reason a Red Sux fan leaves by the 6th inning... Someone said there was a black guy outside Fenway so we have beat him before he rapes our women and steals our money!
So everyone walking is taking Brookline Ave to Kenmore, and when they get to Kenmore most of them take the T out of there which is great except of course if you have to take the T as well, and that's another story I'll get into another time. So most of the people left via T, others are leaving via car which they have to drive through Kenmore Square to get to Storrow Drive which will take them to their chosen routes. The ones that don't take the T or Car are looking for taxis. Now in Boston, our Taxi system isn't that big so you see what's happing here. You have about 5-6 people standing about ten feet away from each other in a line that goes for about a half mile trying to hail a cab. It really is something to watch, because you wonder who's going to get that cab, but then you see someone cross the street and they're by themselves because no one thinks to cross the street and get a cab, its wonderful! Basically what I'm trying to say is that Kenmore Square should be avoided during Red Sux games, the problem is, you really can't avoid it when going to a game, yes you could try by getting off at the Fenway T stop on the D line, but that's pretty bad too. So I guess you should just try to avoid all Red Sux games all together!

Finally I have to bring this up because it's something that's been bugging me for a while now. Since I live in Boston I will watch Red Sux games sometimes so I know this. Every time Down Syndrome Boy Jon Papelbon comes into a game this is what happens... The door to the bullpen is open, he waits a second until they introduce him and then he starts to jog out but first he bumps fists with this rotund police officer that is in right field. This cop looks like Rod Steiger from that movie "In the Heat of the Night" where he plays this racist cop with Sidney Poitier as Mr. Tibbs. It's kind of funny in a way to watch them bump fists, because you know it's coming and you wonder if this cop is saying, "OK, now you strikeout that spic, or coon" I wonder if they both set this up ahead of time that they bump fists when he comes out. I mean come on, this Retarded Closer is an embarrassment! How about all those corny commercials he does for everyone, could you ever see Mariano do something like that? I DON'T THINK SO!

I don't want to say I told you so but...

2008-03-06T11:38:00.002-05:00

Red Sox mob beats up Yankees fan in Cambridge
By Erin Smith/Chronicle Staff
Mon Mar 03, 2008, 07:52 PM EST

Cambridge - The official start to the 2008 baseball season is about a month away, but the age-old rivalry between the Yankees and Red Sox is already getting ugly.

A group of men — some with Irish accents — beat up a 23-year-old Cambridge man and sent him to the hospital after they spotted him sporting a Yankees baseball cap.

Witnesses told police the group of apparent diehard Red Sox fans beat up the victims after an argument inside a Central Square bar. The group then ran away on Mass. Ave. towards Harvard Square.

The Yankees fan was transported to the hospital March 2 at 1:41 a.m. for medical treatment for head injuries, including swelling over his entire face and several facial cuts, according to police reports.

The victim’s sobbing girlfriend told police the couple went to the Cantab Lounge at 738 Mass. Ave. midnight Saturday. The couple was inside the bar for a while when a large group of people came up to them and started arguing with the victim because he was wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap, according to police reports.

The couple left the bar without further confrontation, but the group allegedly followed them outside on the street as they walked home, according to reports.

Then the mob of Red Sox fans allegedly threw the victim to the ground and repeatedly kicked him. The girlfriend and a couple of women who were with the suspects unsuccessfully tried to pull the Red Sox fans off the victim, according to police reports.

The victim told police he could not clearly remember what happened and only recalled getting into an argument about his baseball cap, leaving the bar and lying on the ground while the men kicked him in the head.

The attackers are described as four white men. One of the men was last seen wearing a blue and white striped shirt.

For all those people that don't reside in the Massachusetts area that read this blog... NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME?

Dancing with the GAY SOX

2008-03-03T14:57:00.004-05:00

It's still Spring Training so the posts won't be much and not too long. But I had to post these pics because once again it demostrates the gayness of the Red Sux. I do see why these fans love them so much, because the players are exactly like the MASSHOLES!

What can you say about this mongoloid?

Can you say, GAY AS A FRENCH HORN?

I think all the steriods Mike Lowell took years ago went straight to the MASSHOLE gene in his brain!

EEEEERRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA Welcome Back!

2008-02-06T16:08:00.000-05:00

Let me start by saying… I am not a football fan. I do not know much about the sport other than what I’ve learned on Madden, and have never claimed to know anything about the sport. I am not a filthy MASSHOLE, I would never lie to my readers.
That being said how about those Giants!!
I wasn’t scheduled to report back to work for another two weeks, but I was provoked out of my long winter slumber by those half-wits at FOX 25. Butch Sterns the sports reporter for the network started it when the Super Bowl was set and he said, “Here we go again, it’s NY versus Boston all over again”. Come on Butch, you complain all season about the rivalry, you even say the media makes it out more than it is, but now you’re just throwing more gasoline on the already smoldering fire. Ok, that got to me, but then FOX 25 started parading out the MASSHOLES! It seemed like every night it was another toothless drunk wearing a Patriots jersey with his son sitting next to him sporting a look of fear on his face because he knows one wrong answer and it’s back to the basement for him. Every MASSHOLE said the same thing when interviewed, “Myyyyaaa keeed don’t know how good he got it eerrrra right now. Eeeerrraaa I nevvvvaa had it so good when I was a kid, the teams in New England always sucked back then”. Every freakin interview was how spoiled their kids are and then the newscasters would chime in how right they were, blah,blah,blah,eerrrraaa,blah,blah,blah,eeeerrrraaa,blah!!At the time I could take it or leave it if the Giants lost, the outcome didn’t really affect me. But then I was pushed again, this time by the Boston Police Department. I happen to be returning to Boston on Sunday night while the Super Bowl was being played and I had to stop at the Hotel Commonwealth in Kenmore Square to drop off my rental car. But no, the Po-Po blocked off Kenmore Square in anticipation to the game getting over and people rioting in the streets. You see this was all started a few years ago when the sux were in the playoffs and students and fans would gather in Kenmore after a big game. Then some broad got shot by pepper spray and died; now the place looks like Kent State circa 1974 whenever a big game is played. I don’t blame the students, they are young and just following the crowd, and it’s the MASSHOLES that start it. I’ve said it before, the students are naive and are pressured into rooting for the Sux, so slowly these students get turned into MASSHOLES, and it’s a vicious cycle.
I didn’t want to start the new season off with such a negative article… Wait, that’s exactly how I’m supposed to start the season off, so forget it!
I would like to end this article with a prayer for the new season:
“Dear Lord Jesus Christ who is so powerful and who I love so much, please send a re-incarnation of Luca Brasi down before he met with the Tattaglia’s and have him pay a visit to the web server of “38 Pitches.com” to assure him if he doesn’t stop running Curt’s website that his brains will appear on keyboard, thank you Jesus, I love you”
F-Southie
F-Dorchester
F-Eastie
F-Matt Damon’s character in The Departed
F-Bill Spaceman Lee
F-The Jimmy Fund
F-Manny “Crackhead” Ramirez
F-Josh Beckett you southern redneck
F-Dustin Pedrioa you haven’t proved anything yet
F-Johnny Pesky
F-Bernie Carbo
F-Yaz
F-The Green Monster
F-Yawkey Way
F-MASSHOLES
F-Harvard types that think they know baseball

Invasion of the MASSHOLE Snatchers

2007-11-09T10:07:00.000-05:00

Well it’s November and here is my second post of the month, I think I’ll continue this throughout the entire off-season. My original plan was to basically take the winter off, but I just keep getting material that I feel I have to write about. I have a large fan base that lives outside of the Boston area, so they don’t really know what goes on in this city when the lights of Fenway go dim.
In Boston there are about 9000 Colleges and Universities, it’s true, you walk down the street and it’s like a College on every corner. In fact I read recently in Boston, the city is pairing up with Starbucks so with every Starbucks opened in the city, a College will be opened alongside it!
But with all these young, eager, and often uninformed students comes alcohol. Mix that alcohol with a Red Sux victory and you have Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P and that spells MASSHOLE! Ok, so I couldn’t come up with a “P” word, but MASSHOLE works on all levels.
This city molds minds with education, it also molds MASSHOLES! You have students from all different countries, states, backgrounds whatever, but one thing is certain, 8 out of 10 students going to school in this city become Red Sux fans! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SAYING ABOUT OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM? It’s true, they don’t have a clue, they try to fit in so they root for the only baseball team here, and they feel like they fit in because they know as much about baseball and the sux as the most die hard red sux fan... bupkiss! But I digress.
Ok, let me paint the picture for you… You have Fenway Park, home of the Sux, now basically surrounding the park you have Boston University, Northeastern University, Emmanuel College, Simmons College, Wentworth Institute, Emerson College, and a couple smaller schools in between. (BC is a few miles away, but nobody likes BC kids anyway) Now when the Red Sux win a big game, i.e. ALCS, World Series the dorms of these colleges empty out and everyone descends on Fenway Park… even if they Sux are playing away! Now the Boston Police got wise to this after a few years ago the students trashed stores and someone got whacked; now they set up way ahead of time, close streets and are out there in force with full riot gear. But there is still a celebration happening, and God Bless the cops for letting them celebrate, it’s kind of like a conjugal visit, you get to have sex, but you’re in prison, here you get to celebrate but the cops are watching you. Ok, I’ll skip ahead….
17 people were arrested when the Sux beat the Indians and people celebrated, of these 17 people arrested, the court ordered 7 of the punks to write five page essays about their arrests. How funny is that! It seems like only in Boston can they really gay up an arrest; I mean getting arrested is a tough thing isn’t it?
So these students wrote their little hearts out, one broad an artsy type who appropriately goes to Mass. College of Art said, “After being exposed to this piece of the justice system, despite its lesser astringency in comparison with larger prisons… I fell as though I can begin to understand the acute horror it is to actually serve time imprisoned” I believe this broad just learned how to use the Thesaurus tool on Microsoft Word. This other kid from Emmanuel College said, “I let my mother and father down by not living up to my reputation, as a well rounded college student, and making our last name, White, subtly infamous. My mother cried for days after she heard the news.” You’re right the name “White” is a name that people usually forget. Another kid says, “He regretted speaking out, an action sparked by his anger over the Iraq war.” So you pick now to protest the war, at midnight surrounded by drunken people celebrating a victory on the streets?
Look, the most important message I want to convey in this article is that too many normal people around the world are turning into MASSHOLES! They come to this city to learn, to find themselves, but they are just taken down a path of destruction! Parents out there, please you must be active in your kid’s life. I went to college in this city, it’s a wonderful city, but without the proper supervision your kid will end up a drunk with a fake accent! I don’t want you to pry, but just remind them you love them, and every once in a while send newspaper clippings from your hometown so they don’t forget they can always go home! This is our youth, our future, let us not corrupt them as violently as they are being corrupted on a daily basis in this city, have some mercy MASSHOLES!
Don’t you have enough, you don’t need anymore, leave them alone!

HEY ALEX BEAM, YOUR BOYFRIEND CALLED AND SAID YOU GAVE HIM HERPES!

2007-11-07T08:18:00.000-05:00

It’s the off-season in Boston, the leaves are turned a beautiful blaze of colors, the fireplaces burn bright with the smell lingering throughout Beacon Hill and Jonathon Papelbon is still retarded. I was going to take the winter off and board myself up in my apartment until spring again but I just couldn’t stay away.
Finally everything has simmered down with the celebration in Boston; the focus has shifted to the Patriots who are dominating the NFL. I could care less about the Pats, I’m just thankful that their stadium is an hour away so I don’t have to endure a Masshole convention every time they play as I did with the Sux. I was perusing some articles recently and I came across an article written by Alex Beam, he contributes articles now and then to various newspapers, he seems like a respected journalist, though that doesn’t say much, because people have accused me of being a respected journalist!
Mr. Beam recently wrote an article entitled, “The sorrow and the pity: a Bronx tale” for the Boston Globe. First off I want to congratulate him for being the first person to write an original article about the Yankees and second… GO FUCK YOURSELF! I mean come on man, yes we all know you’re trying to be so witty and cute by calling AROD “Me-Rod” I mean WOW, you probably danced the night away with your gay lover when you thought of that, huh? Oh, and to bring up the fact that AROD’s wife wore a shirt saying “Fuck you” on it, OH MY GOD, the kids! COME ON DOUCHE BAG, YOU EVER BEEN TO A SUX GAME AT FENWAY?? AROD SUCKS AND JETER SWALLOWS RING A BELL??? Oh, and goofing on Steinbrenner and his kids for being out of it, or just plain stupid, please you’re killing me with your originality, your wit, I mean does the baseball world not know any of this already? Oh, and to bring up Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' book about the stages of dying, yes we know you're smart and educated you pompous baffoon!
But the coup de gras had to be when he says the $1.3 billion new Yankee Stadium, a “taxpayer- supported temple of excess” in the Bronx. This guy knows Massholes, he knows what will get their attention and then he prints it. "Let me say that the new Yankee stadium is being paid for by the taxpayers", you fucking moron! It’s costing $1.3 Billion, and “taxpayers” of New York are paying $70 Million of that… for PARKING GARAGES! OH, THE HORROR, THE BELOVED YANKEES ORGANIZATION MAKING THE PEOPLE OF NEW YORK PAY FOR THEIR CATHEDRAL. Come on man, do you read what you write? And this guy Beam, he could pass for a Steinbrenner in a heartbeat! Alex Beam was born in DC, his father was a diplomat and he graduated from Yale. Hey Red Sux County wake up and realize this guy belittles you as much as I do behind your back! This Yaley, this pompous ass, this writer that is just plain angry that the Sux are winning now, that’s right, he’s angry because the Sux are a winning ball club, now what does he do? I’ll tell you what he does; he re-copies articles written time and time again about the Yanks and then collects his money. Then he goes off to his Yale Club with his other racist, republican friends and get’s blowjobs by the freshman class boys attending Yale this year!

APARTMENT FOR RENT... GREAT LOCATION... QUIET NEIGHBORHOOD... IN THE HEART OF THE CITY

2007-10-30T10:03:00.000-04:00

I won't lie to you folks out there, it's hard to be a Yankees fan in Boston.
On Sunday night if I was to have come home and found my dog dead I wouldn't have been the least bit suprised! I mean first Joe leaves the Yankees, then AROD decides to leave, and then the Sux win the World Series? I talk to my other Yankees fans that don't live here and they're fine, ok we lost, let's move on, but in Boston it's hard, day after day I am surrounded by it, it gets a little overwhelming at times.
I walked over to a starbucks on Bolyston Street at around 8:30am and people were already lining up for the parade. That's fine I mean it's just that the things that the Sux do are just a little GAY! The more I think about the parade and concert and see the footage of that Down Syndrome Boy Papelbon doing his little dance, the more I laugh at how GAY everything is. I mean the Dropkick Murphy's a punk band that's now accepted by everyone singing that GAY Tessie song holy shit, for godsake man you're in a punk band, spit on the fans and call them assholes for listening to you, that's what you're supposed to do! Ok, that's enough let's move on...
Alex Emmanuel Rodriguez, you boosted us through the season, you had the best season a player can have, but now... YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! What kind of ego-manic has to tell everyone that you're leaving during the World Series? Would I love to have his bat for the next ten years? Sure who wouldn't, but now after all this, he's dead to me! I don't think the Sux will let go of Lowell if they do, the Yanks shouldn't sign him, he's a great guy but I can see him as another John Damon, he has maybe 1 or 2 seasons left in him. We don't need the big name or big bat anymore, we don't need a hall of famer at every position. How many people heard of Scott Brosious? He came to New York and thrived like a mother fucker, Joe Giradi, he hit like .220 and was a sure out but he has a ring. Look this blog isn't about me talking just about the Yankees, we'll be fine, we are still the greatest organization in the history of organized sports, we'll do alright.
If I did get any joy out of these past couple of days it's the displeasure the many red sux fans stressed to me about how every talk radio show they listen to is being dominated by AROD and Joe Giradi... they are all like, "hello we just won the world series"! Priceless.
This may be my final post of the off seson, though I doubt it. But I would like to end on a prayer for the offseason;
"Jesus, who is all powerful and knowing and who I love so much, please kill Michael Flatley of Riverdance so his spirit can come back and haunt Jon Papelbon for doing those hidious irish jig steps that I know he'll be doing today at City Hall. Also Lord Jesus who is all knowing and just a wonderful guy, please send down that mysterious Fiat that was seen at the Princess Diana crash scene but then disappeared to disrupt the parade today by crashing into some duckboats, not killing anyone but just maming a few and causing avok for days to come, thus banning all parades in Boston for the next 86 years, thank you Lord, I love you"

Finally...

F * Tito Francona you tobacco-less, no uniform wearing undefeated in world series play bastard
F * Manny Ramirez, I mean have you seen that hair recently, I guess he's looking for more places to hide his crack pipe while playing left field
F * Jon Papelbon for his fake emotion he tried to push when being interviewed on field after the win the other night, you Down Syndrome Asshole!
F * Southie
F * Eastie
F * Brookline
F * Dorchester
F * Whitey Bulger
F * Ted Williams head
F * John Lester
F * Dana Farber
F * The Jimmy Fund
F * Johnny Pesky, in 2004 it was a big deal to have you around, but now, it's just pathetic
F * Bud Selig, for even mentioning the name Red Sux Nation, doesn't he know it doesn't exist anymore?
F * MASSHOLES... right now you're living in a great era for Boston sports, but we all know this city and we all know what can happen and will happen to all Boston sports teams, that's right they all eventually lose!!!!!

J.E.T.S JETS, JETS, JETS!

2007-10-12T08:43:00.000-04:00

Well today marked the first day that I’ve read a newspaper or watched any type of sports news on TV/internet. Did our bats go cold, sure, did our Captain not perform, sure, did a swarm of locust descend on Jacobs Field, well almost, blame anyone or anything you want, we lost, now it’s time to move on.

This just in… A team from Ohio is playing in the ALCS against the Red Sux! I say that because 85% of Red Sux fans didn’t know there was a Major League Baseball team from Ohio! They thought the American League was made up of the Yanks, Orioles and Jays. I finally saw a bunch of commercials for the news channels here in the Hub before the start of the ALCS. It’s actually funny because every channel is doing long extended coverage about the Sux, like the history of the Red Sux. But they are really getting to the nitty-gritty of it all by reporting on what the names of each player are, what position they play, how long they’ve been on the team. Really important info because even these news channels realize that every Sux fan out there doesn’t have a clue about his or her team! I swear to God this morning on FOX 25 News the reporter said, “Ladies and Gentlemen did you know that David Ortiz is black”?
As I was walking home last night the lights of Fenway were on, probably crews working on the field and such, a light mist of rain was descending on the street, it was quiet, rather peaceful, I just stood there watching the rain fall in front of the lights. I then thought of how it’s going to be tonight, when snakes and rats crawl or fall out of their respective bar that they’ve been in all day and then try to scalp tickets for $500.00 a piece and make crude comments to every female that walk through Kenmore. How these Suburban Sexuals coming to the game tonight will stay through the sixth inning and then call it a night.
I started to walk away because those thoughts of how bad it will be tonight were awful; I knew that I will have to wade through these monsters soon, because in Boston they start getting to the ballpark about 10 hours before a game. But I also knew I didn’t want to think like that, it was such a perfect time last night that I had to leave and remember the good qualities about the area. So I started to walk home, but something made me turn around, I don’t know what it was, something in the air, or something in the stars, but it made me slowly lift my right arm and gently I extended my middle finger up towards the heavens and with one violent shake of the hand in the direction of Fenway Park, I was on my way home again.

They can bash the Yankees all they want, they can say that Torre won’t be back, or that we got killed in the first round, or how A-ROD won’t be a Yankee next year along with Mo and Posada. That’s fine, I know as a Yankees fan this won’t be the last time the Yanks are in the post season in my lifetime. A Sux fan can’t say that, every Sux fan knows that this year maybe they won’t make the post season, maybe we won’t make it next year as well. Not my Yankees of present, we’ll always be there, and you know it!
So to all you Red Sux fans and, you know what even you Mets fans, you can all suck it because both fan bases are GAY!

F-Coco Crisp braided Gay hairdo
F-Kevin Youklis’ giant, bulbous head
F-Crack Smoking Manny Ramirez
F-Jason Varitek, with his child beating haircut and Gay “C” on his uniform
F-Theo Epstien, what do you know, a Jew that’s lucky!
F-Tito Francona, go back to chewing tobacco you fag, its baseball
F-Johnny Pesky, so famous they named a pole after him???
F-Ted Williams, the man who claimed he can ride from Mass down to Florida without touching the break, does it matter now you don’t have a head!
F-The Jimmy Fund, enough already, we know you have cancer!
F-Yawkey Way, just another place for racist, and drunks to get together and scheme before the game starts
And finally…
F – MASSHOLES, you drunk, racist, child molesting, fair-weather, non-baseball knowing, no “R” saying pieces of shit, hey folks you’re celebrating in Boston like you won it all already, that was just round 1.

Highlights from the Gay romp at Fenway last night!

2007-09-29T09:33:00.000-04:00

I AM THE RETARDED CHAMPION OF THE AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST

HEY ASSHOLE THAT'S MY 8 YEAR OLD SON YOU JUST GOT DRUNK

THANKS DOUCHE BAG, I HAVE TO DRIVE HOME LIKE THIS

The most intimidating man in bas... sorry I just couldn't get through that statement HAHAHAHA!

2007-09-28T13:01:00.000-04:00

There are photos in Baseball history that mean a lot; there's that grainy photo of Babe Ruth playing against Chicago where it looks like he has is hand raised calling his shot. The picture of Cobb going into third base with his spikes raised high. Even Gayboy Carlton Fisk when he was motioning with his hands during the '75 series. But those pictures pair in comparison to this one of our favorite retard!
How funny is this picture! This is probably one of the greatest baseball photos of all time! Look how intimadating he is... ooooh! Come on you retard, honestly, what kind of face is that? You know who doesn't make a face like that? Mariano Rivera... hey Down Syndrome Boy, concentrate on pitching and less about facial expressions. I mean it really looks like they super imposed his head on that body in the picture!
He has to realize that he's not feared anymore right? Actually I think he really thinks that he is feared. "Once I go into my mad retarded boy face, look out hitters". Did you ever watch any of the special olympics and see these kids try so hard, every muscle in their face gets distorted and they get so angry, well we have a WINNER!

WE CLINCH!

2007-09-26T23:15:00.000-04:00

The New York Yankees have clinched a playoff berth!
Everyone out there even this writer had his doubts, but the New York Yankees have made it to the post season again for the 13th time in a row! Who else can say that?
14 1/2 games back, they were written off, they paid too much money for has beens, they are too old, they don't have pitching, you name it, it was said about them. But as we always do, we prevailed. We are the New York Yankees the greatest franchise in the history of organized sports!

I walked home tonight thru the scum of Kenmore Square right outside of Fenway, and I tell you it's getting worse everyday. It was funny, I actually laughed when I noticed there were more vendors selling shirts that bashed the Yankees than selling Red Sux items. I mean come on people, get over it, you can never be better than the bombers! It was very sad in a way to see little kids looking over shirts that said, "AROD Sucks and Jeter Swallows". What was even funnier was the fact that there were tons of shirts bashing the Giants and Jets!

But now we get ready for the playoffs, Joe can rest people and set his rotation, we'll probably face the Angels in the first round. They can be tough, so it looks like this post season will be filled with drama. And if the Sux can make it out of the first round then this city will erupt and won't be safe for Yankees fan anywhere!

God Bless Yankees Fans!

2007-09-17T23:09:00.000-04:00

The weekend is over, the Yanks take 2 out of 3 from the Sux, and we all saw that coming! Look at the Sux pitching staff, who else is there after the Mouth of the South Beckett? NO ONE! We saw that Sunday night when our Captain stepped up against Schilling, oh how wonderful was that! It’s funny listening to people yap about Rivera when he pitched Sunday night, yeah he struggled a bit finding the strike zone, but do you expect the guy to strikeout everyone he faces?? He is still the greatest closer in the history of the game! That’s something that the sux were hoping from down syndrome boy Papelbon, but he’s nothing anymore!
It was interesting reading a comment posted on the site earlier from a fan that visited Fenway this past weekend. It totally backs up everything I’ve been saying on this site for the past two years! MASSHOLES ARE RACIST, DRUNKS!
There was an article written in USA Today recently that called sux fans the best in the game, COME ON! Johnny Miller the announcer for ESPN said when they were landing in Boston this weekend the flight attendant announced, “Welcome to Red Sox Nation”. Red Sox Nation, how funny is that comment anymore. There is no Red Sox Nation anymore; I’ve been saying that for a while. Damon left, Millar left, Trot left, those were the fan favorites, the only players that those suburban sexuals could name! Each sux fans has a small cheat sheet in their pocket so they can yell out player’s names on the team, the worst fans in the world! I see it every day time and time again walking among these bastards!
People ask me about watching a game at Fenway and how they would love to experience a game there, hey it’s the oldest park out there, so much history, such character, but sitting there through a game, no way! The seats are too small, the views are obstructed and the fans! Going to a red sux game is like watching the movie 9 and ½ weeks with your mother… embarrassing! You’re embarrassed for such a great city as Boston; you’re embarrassed for these kids that have to sit next to these drunks and racists and by the way the kids sitting next to these drunks and racists? OH yeah that’s their parents!
The Yanks are 3 ½ back, I think Red Sux county may be a bit worried!
It ain’t over yet baby!

F-Back hurting, crack smoking Manny
F-Tito Francona and his sweatshirt wearing no chew chewing moron
F-Down Syndrome boy Papelbon
F-Pock faced Tavarez
F-The Jimmy Fund
F-Yawkey Way, a street named after racist owners!

2007-09-15T00:00:00.000-04:00

PAPELBLOWN!

Whitey Bulger spotted!

2007-09-14T15:55:00.000-04:00

First off, I love the Boston websites and such coming out with new information about a Whitey Bulger siting. For those of you that don't know, Bulger was a gangster a la Jack Nicholson in The Departed, but he skipped town and has been on the 10 most wanted list for ever. The reason for the siting is that the Pats got their ass handed to them because they are cheating bastards! So the papers say let's talk about something that everyone will be interested in and maybe won't follow the Pats story that closely, typical MASSHOLE BULLSHIT!

I know some of you are interested in what I have to say about his upcoming weekend in Boston and some don’t give a rat’s ass.
I am very excited about the three games starting tonight at the fens, it should be a good show down. But you know those cock sucking mother fucker red sux players are going to start some shit with the Yanks. You got that balloon head Youklis who thinks he was thrown out intentionally the last game, rookie fuck wad Pedroia who thinks guys went into him to hard at second, and down syndrome boy Papelbon, well he’s just retarded and doesn’t know better.
I have said this time and time again, the sux players are so swayed by this rivalry and their fans that they really think every hard play, every high pitch is intentional. It gets out of hand and I feel sorry for them because they try so hard to beat us but they don’t really have a good team.
Dice K is done, that was some wash up job! Schilling is done, crack smoking Manny is done, who else you got?? Beckett, pu-lease!!

Predictions:

Yanks take series

Massholes get drunk and obnoxious at Fenway

Papelbon tries so hard to be intimidating on the mound that his head explodes and his retarded blood spurts all over the place

Theo Epstien is seeing making out with a Catholic boy

Bill Belichek is seen in center field a la 1954 NY Giants stealing the Yanks signals!

F-Tito Francona
F-Johnny Pesky
F-The Rem Dog
F-Fred Lynn
F-Carlton Fisk, gay as a French horn
F-Yaz
F-Dorchester
F-Roxbury
F-Brookline
F-Mattapan
F-Attleboro
F-The Green Monster
F-The Jimmy Fund
F-Dana Farber

NESN Blows!

2007-09-02T12:52:00.000-04:00

I was just going to phone in an article like I usually do because I have no time anymore to do anything but I felt I needed to sit down and hash something out.
I turned on the sux game last night about the seventh inning because there was nothing else on and the Padres game I was waiting for hadn’t started yet. Of course the first thing I hear was The Rem Dog, “EARRRRAGARDLESS, you have to make that play” I mean come on man! He knows baseball I’ll give him that but it’s just painful to listen to him. The Rem Dog is like the Diamond Joe Quimby character on the Simpson’s, he’s from New England with an over the top accent. You know how the Simpson’s will punch up the accent to make it over the top, but in the case of The Rem Dog nothing is punched up, it knocks you over like Southie on St. Patrick’s Day! And when I say it knocks you over like Southie on St. Patrick’s Day I mean because everyone in South Boston are drunk bastards that beat their wives and children… or did you get that analogy?

I digress... The kid for the sux threw a no-hitter, nice job. But what I got aggravated about was that throughout the game as any other channel will do, NESN runs the ticker at the bottom of the screen with highlights in sports. Every score that goes by is accompanied by the winning pitcher, the losing pitcher, if anyone got a save and stats of a particular player or two that did well. Now they did this for every team that went by, until of course they get to the Yankees score. They listed the score correct, put up I. Kennedy for the W, Jackson for the lose, and Rivera for the Save. That was it! No other stats, nothing, Nin, zip, zero! I am sorry but I do not find this a coincidence, I can’t name any dates but they’ve done this in the past when he’s had a big day, I am talking of course about A-Rod. He went like 3-4 with a dinger and 4 RBI yesterday. It is just like Red Sux fans at NESN to do this, how cowardly, how absurd, how TYPICAL MASSHOLE!

What I love and I have already heard about three remarks on it, is that Sux fans think a no-hitter by a sux rookie get’s the goat of a Yankees fan! For all Yankees fans I can honestly say we don’t care, unless he threw it against us, we have no particular feeling either way on him throwing one. As a ball fan I like to see someone throw a no-hitter, it’s boring to watch but the end result is amazing.

And for the Joba Chamberlain incident, again I can speak for the Yankees management, he wasn’t throwing at Youkilis. Why would he throw at him in the first place? And if someone was ever going to throw out him how could you miss with that Ted Kennedy sized head of Youkilis, it’s a no miss!

The Yankees unlike the Sux are not a bunch of thugs, we respect the game of baseball, as do Yankee fans around the world, a Sux fan can’t say that, they don’t respect the game, they’re bogus! I see it a million times a day, especially since I am near Fenway every day and have to walk through those heathens, those Suburban Sexuals! I used that term last year and it’s been catching on around Boston in certain factions, it of course means a married couple that acts gay. Which is what you see at Fenway constantly, the drunken chick wearing her pink sux shirt and the guy talking on his phone telling a friend he just saw a guy throw up on Yawkey Way? It is a disgrace, but one as a Yankee fan I love to see because it makes me feel better and confident knowing that I am better then them! Yankee fans will always be better than Red Sux fans!

So…
F- THE JIMMY FUND
F-TAVAREZ’S POCK-MARKED FACE
F-JOHNNY PESKY
F-THE REM DOG
F-THEO EPSTIEN
F-CRACK SMOKING, BACK HURTING MANNY
F-TED WILLIAMS’ SONS DEAD HEAD
F-DORCHESTER
F-THE FENS
F-MAYOR CURLEY
F-TERRY FRANCONA YOU KNOW UNIFORM WEARING BASTARD!
F-TICKET SCALPERS IN KENMORE, ARE THEY SELLING TICKETS OR JUST SEXUALLY HARASSING WOMEN?

2007-08-30T16:20:00.000-04:00

Gagne and Papi brothers in needles!

2007-08-01T10:03:00.000-04:00

Giambi took steriods, he came out and said it, that's enough.
The sux fans get all over him for it, cue Big Papi! Is it me or is he a walking specimen for steriod/HGH use? Come on, you've seen the pictures of Papi when he was a rookie, it's like another Bonds! And how about all the injuries happening to Papi now??? Too much steriod use!

But now they sign another one! Oh yes, Gagne used steriods! He had three good years and that's it! He keeps getting hurt, a good sign of steriod use!

So Sux, good luck, because you know this season isn't over and the Yankees will be in the post season!

F-Ted Williams Head
F-Johnny Pesky
F-Carlton Fisk he was a FAG
F-Spaceman Bill Lee
F-Dana Farber
F-The Green Monster
F-The Rem Dog
F-Jon Lester
F-Tito Francona and his tobacco-less mouth
F-Manny the cracksmoking, pole smoking retard!

Did we hit a speed bump or was that just the Royals?

2007-07-18T22:57:00.000-04:00

Billy
"ERRRRRRRAAAAA Sully, thos Yanks arrra playin good ball, you know?"
Sully
"Comm on, thos bastarrrds ain't got a shot, dis is ouuuurrr yearrr, you know?"
Billy
"ERRRRRRRAAAAA I don't know Sully, A-Rod's hittin, Jeta is doing good, and that darrrkie Riverrrra looks like his old forrrrrm, you know?"
Sully
"Comm on, I hearrra about Jeta, but you know A-Rod will slow down, he's gottta, you know?"
Billy "
ERRRRRRAAAAA so don't I believe yaaa about that spic A-Rod but wit dat jew Steinbreennnaa still runnin tings, de might make a move soon, you know?"
Sully
"Comm on, forget about it, da seasons still arrrrrs, now pass me anotha beerrrr, and watch da kids playin wit dat toasta in da pool, you know?"
Billy
"ERRRRRRAAAA, eitha way you look at it, it may be time ta worrrry, you know?"

The preceeding was a common conversation happening all over MASSHOLELAND...

Don't look now but the Yanks are on the move!

Schilling to Start Live Blogging From Mound

2007-07-12T18:28:00.000-04:00

BOSTON - Curt Schilling announced Monday that, upon his eventual return from the disabled list, he will begin liveblogging from the pitcher's mound itself in an effort order to provide the most in-depth look yet into how a player thinks when he's on the field. "38pitches.com will be going live during my next start, providing my up-to-the-minute thoughts on pitch count, how my splitter is working, and descriptions of what the people behind home plate are wearing, hopefully as sooon as July against the Devil Rays," said Schilling who showed up to the press conference with a laptop and a pair of glasses. "Now fans will know what's going through Curt Schilling's head when he's facing young slugger Elijah Dukes with a man on second and two outs in the fifth, not to mention what I think of the alleged threats he made on his wife's life. It's really a shame-well, I don't want to get ahead of myself. I guess you're just going to have to wait! And while you're visiting 38pitches.com, be sure to check out 38studios.com, my video-game production company. And let's find a cure for ALS." When alerted that laptops would most likely not be permitted on the mound, Schilling mentioned the possibility of hiding a Blackberry in the rosin bag.
taken from The Onion

Me Love You Long Time....

2007-06-14T12:41:00.000-04:00

"Hello Gentlemen, my name is Dice-K, I love intimate walks on the beach, the smell of pine tar, the smoothness of a gyro-ball, and the soft, elegant touch of a rosin bag.
I also love leather, as you can see from my extremely GAY glove I am wearing on my hand in this picture. I love the camouflage color, I wasn't born yet when the Great War against the Capitalist Swine was fought, but OH have I seen footage of Pearl Harbor, that scene when Cuba Gooding Junior is on the deck of the ship shooting with all his might, my that darkie can act! But I digress; I should be talking about myself and what I can offer to any young American boy out there. You know the ball isn't the only thing that I can gyro! Call me!"

Wonder where he learned to drink?

2007-06-05T09:13:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine sent me this interview, it was from a blog from some guy in Washington and I thought this story was hilarious. The blog's website is: http://tastybooze.com/

The guy is talking to Jeff Nelson another fan of Boston, he was a teammate of Boggs on the Yankees.

Sandy: Who would you say drank the most beer out of everyone you ever played with?

Nelson: Easy, Wade Boggs…..easy

Sandy: (laughing) Really!? Wade Boggs?

Nelson: Oh, yeah, without a doubt. I’ve never seen anyone drink as much beer as he did in my life:

Sandy: (laughing) Get outta here, alright, give me an example, like how much did he drink?

Nelson: Oh, I’d say, on a typical road trip, east coast to west coast [Nelly played with Boggs on the Yankees], say a road game to Seattle……Wade would drink anywhere between 50 and 60 beers.

Sandy: NO WAY!! 50 or 60 beers. That is impossible.

Nelson: No, I know…I know how crazy that sounds, and I wouldn’t believe it myself unless I saw him do it…..numerous times. And he drank nothing but Miller Lite.

Sandy: How in the hell did he have time to drink that many beers. For God’s sake, how many times did he have to go to the bathroom?

Nelson: I’m not kidding you Steve. Seriously. Wade was the kind of guy who was always the first one at the club house. So he’d get to the clubhouse, and he’d bring a six pack with him. He’d be there drinking a beer when someone showed up, and as we were all packing our stuff up out of our lockers and getting our bags ready for the trip, Wade would sit there and drink that whole six pack.

Now, at the time, we were flying out of New Jersey, so it was somewhat of a drive from Yankee stadium to the airport in New Jersey. Wade would drink another couple of beers on the bus to the airport. At the time, we were flying this older airplane, it couldn’t make it across the country without refueling, and it wasn’t the fastest airplane in the sky. So we would stop in North Dakota or something. Wade would drink about a half rack between New Jersey and North Dakota, and it would take about a half-hour to an hour to refuel once we got there, so he’d have a few more beers while we were grounded in North Dakota.

Once we got back up in the air, Wade would drink another 10, 11, 12 beers on the way out to the west coast. The whole flight from coast to coast ususally took us well over 7 hours. We’d touch down at Sea-Tac, hop on the bus headed to the Kingdome, and Wade would have another beer or two on the bus. Then, all of us would get to the Kingdome and unpack our bags and sit around and BS with eachother, and Wade would have a beer in his hand the entire time. He was always one of the last people to leave the club house too. So I’d say that all in all, he drank over 50 beers on the trip, and this wasn’t just an isolated incident, he did that almost every time.

Sandy: Unbelievable. That’s absolutely unbelieveable.

Nelson: Yeah, I know, I’m not kidding though, let’s call up somebody and they’ll tell you man, they’ll tell you I’m not lying.

Sandy: Alright, who should we call up. Let’s take a commercial break, and then we’ll call up somebody and see if we can’t get to the bottom of this….This is absolutely amazing.

[commercial break: When the commercial end, Paul Sorrento, a former Mariner and Devil Ray, and Boggs’s and Nelly’s former teammate, is on the phone]

Nelly: Hey Paul, good to hear from you man, I haven’t talked to you in a while.

Sorrento: Yeah, what’s it been like, two, three years?

Nelly: Yeah. Hey, Paul, just to clarify now, I didn’t speak to you over the commercial break, and I haven’t talked to you about anything since we last talked a few years ago right?

Sorrento: Yeah, right.

Nelly: Alright Paul, we’ve been talking about Wade Boggs up here today in Seattle.

Sorrento: (laughing) Yeah, ole Wade huh.

Nelly: Yeah, alright Paul, I need you to answer one question for me, truthfully now….How many beers would Wade Boggs drink on an east coast to west coast road trip?

Sorrento: Oh, jeez, (exhaling like a flat tire) I don’t know, like 70.

Nelly, Sandberg, Sorrento, Hank: (Rolling on the ground laughing)

So there you have it, that’s the wonderful tale of Wade Boggs’ incredible drinking feats. So one day when a few of us at tasty booze were hanging around crushing some ice cold Miller Lites, and after I told them the story of Wade Boggs, we decided from then on that we would call a Miller Lite a Boggs in honor of the man who drank ‘em the best.

ERRRRAAAAA... Umpire, he can't do that!

2007-05-31T14:17:00.001-04:00

Last night I was watching the 10 o’clock news on FOX with Maria Stefanos and some other guy; I don’t remember his name (David Wade was out). I laughed out loud when they started the sports segment of the show. The lead story… THE LEAD STORY for the sports was the newscasters holding up a copy of the New York Post with a picture of A-Rod and some hot blonde coming out of a strip club! That’s the lead story for their sports report! They made some jokes and then continued. That was the coup de grace for this city’s obsession with the Yankees! So A-Rod went to a strip club, big fucking deal, do we know anything about this broad? Did he have sex with her? Did he father her illegitimate child? Did he kill off her boyfriend so he can date her? All of these thoughts were probably going through the minds of MASSHOLES throughout the land, but we don’t know anything!
Continuing with A-ROD, the Boston sports reporter’s typewriters were blazing all through the night writing about the play in Toronto. The play for those that don’t know it was this; Runners on first and second when a high pop up was hit to third base, with two outs the runners were running on the pitch. The third baseman was just about to catch the fly ball when A-ROD was behind him and yelled something. The third baseman thinking it was the shortstop calling him off backed off and the ball dropped, everyone safe run scores. The Blue Jays were enraged! Now when you look at the play you see A-ROD yelled, “AHH” and that was it! He didn’t yell “I GOT IT”, he didn’t yell, “MINE” he yelled “AHH”. Those are the facts! Now for those of you out there that have never played organized ball before, this is a legimate play on A-ROD’S part. Sure, you’re a Yankees fan of course you’ll say that you’re all saying to yourselves. I was watching the game with the Blue Jays announcers broadcasting and those guys would not let up, calling it “Bush League”. Hey Pat Tabler go fuck yourself you so-so ballplayer that can’t call a game to save yourself! A-ROD as we all know will do whatever it takes to win, some people don’t agree with it, but he’s a tough ball player and wants to win. What’s so different than what he did with say the hidden ball trick, or the second baseman pretending the ball he took from the catcher on a stolen base goes into the outfield? It was great to hear what the GM Theo-Jew said, “I’m not sure it’s easy to explain… what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable probably goes way back to the early 1900’s, I guess you just want to be on the right side of that and not on the wrong side of that… certain things certainly get the ire of the opposition.” WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? Talk about skirting the issue!
It was great to see A-ROD after everything started to calm down, you can see him say to Bowa (the third base coach) “FUCK EM”. That’s right A-ROD, FUCK EM!
On a side note after everything calmed down the catcher and umpire went at it, a microphone was down near the plate and you can hear the umpire say to the catcher as he was in his face, “SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CATCH!”
HEY MASSHOLES, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE IT!

Dustin P... we know what that "P" stands for...

2007-05-29T13:00:00.000-04:00

Masshole is a portmanteau of the words Massachusetts and asshole, used to express a derogatory view of residents of that U.S. state. The term is primarily used by residents of other New England states, in reference to what they perceive as the elitist attitude, aggressive driving habits and Red Sox fans of the state's leaders and residents.

A symptom of friction often found when rural and urban cultures meet, the term's use has increased with the migration of upper-middle-class families from eastern Massachusetts to districts with less crowding, lower home prices, and lower taxes, either as a primary residence or a vacation home (examples are New Hampshire and the rural areas of Rhode Island). The term is a direct reference to the perceived rudeness, snobbishness, and high-pressure lifestyle of the migrants and current residents of Massachusetts. It indirectly refers to upward pressures on real estate prices, due to their higher average income and net worth.

Conversely, the word is often used by some residents of Massachusetts to stigmatize residents with strong roots in a different Massachusetts community that has a lower perceived social status. This usage is rather like use of the term "townies."

"Masshole" is sometimes used as a boastful local symbol, especially when talking about the drinking and/or driving habits of Massachusetts residents. Massachusetts residents who congregate outside of Massachusetts will often refer to themselves as Massholes in jest. This is especially prevalent among college students in neighboring states of Massachusetts.

Thank you Wikipedia.com

My God how bad are the Yankees right now? They can't do anything right, and Joe Torre getting booed the other day? He deserves it!
I'm sure Sux fans will disagree with our fans doing that. The guy has been fucking up lately (since the end of last year) and he deserves to be booed, that's what real fans do! You don't perform for us we let you hear it. I won't go into any more detail, because Sux fans will never understand that!

Once last thing... Dustin Pedroria (if it's spelled wrong who cares, you're just a rookie) Well Dustin you can go fuck yourself, who the hell are you to complain about A-Rod going hard into you? You play second base, you are expected to get taken out when a player tries to break up a double play, you didn't know that? Even that moron Eckersly said it was a good play. Sure A-Rod was a fag when he slapped the ball away in the playoffs, but this time he's in the right. Just another example of Red Sux County being PUSSIES! A BIG BUNCH OF PUSSIES!

F-Manny
F-The Jimmy Fund
F-Johnny Pesky
F-Yawkey Way
F-Varitek
F-Youklis(he must have found a fucking shamrock)
F-Dice K (I traded your ass from my fantasy baseball team)
F-Bobby Orr (he's not a sux, but I'm sure he roots for them)

A loyal customer...

2007-05-23T18:00:00.000-04:00

Dear Comcast Cable

It behooves me to write this letter to you but due to recent events I feel that I must bring this to your attention. First let me give you a little background on the situation that surrounds me today. I have recently purchased a High Definition television from a local store in the Boston area, and I am very pleased with my purchase to say the least. With this television comes the feature of High Definition, which as you know is a wonderful feature when it comes to watching programs and movies. I also am an avid sports fan, baseball in particular so you have no idea the joy that comes from watching a baseball game in High Definition. But with a saddened heart I must object to the use of this High Definition when it pertains to certain programs. The program I am particularly dismayed about was the recent Boston Red Sox versus the New York Yankees game aired on television just last night. The evening was going along swimmingly, the sights of Yankee Stadium in High Definition were spectacular, the views of the greatest sporting arena seemed to jump out of the screen and I felt like I was right there on the field. But then in the bottom of the first inning while I was in the kitchen I heard a ghastly scream come from my living room where my seven year old nephew was sitting. My nephew you must know was in a horribly accident when he was born where his eyesight was effected and only five minutes before the game did he regain his sight. You must know the joy this young boy was experiencing having been blind all his life and to be experiencing something like High Definition for the first time and seeing a baseball game for the first time, but I regress. I darted out into the living room and witness this young child curled up in a fetal position, wailing about! I had no idea what was wrong until I noticed what was on the screen. In all it's glory this beautiful television spanking new, glistening with color and sound and High Definition in all it's glory was showing a close up of Julian Tavares, the pitcher for the Red Sox! I quickly had to avert my eyes at the horror of this man, but the camera would not let up, it kept showing his face with these large pox marks and sweat, it was like it was slow motion focusing on each pox mark as a pool of sweat poured out of each one. Such a ghastly sight that I was almost brought to tears. Then like all the Devils in Hell were circling my apartment conspiring of something else to do did they strike with another blow from the bowels of Hell! The voice of Jerry Remy! This man talks like he just walked out of a Simpson’s cartoon! The man as I have witnessed has never used the letter "R" in his life! And he just kept talking and talking, he never let up. Here I am in my apartment covering the eyes of a boy that witnessed what he believes to be the first child of Lucifer and then covering his ears because the voice of Diamond Joe Quimby's child is announcing a game! Needless to say the evening was ruined.
Now Comcast I know that you do not decide on the players on each ball team and that you don't even decide who should announce these games but please for the love of God show some mercy! I beg of you just before a game whenever Tavares is pitching and whenever Remy announces please put a little disclaimer on the screen such as, "The images you are about to hear and view may be graphic, viewer discretion is advised" this would make life so much easier.

Sincerely

A loyal customer

I've been away, and some MASSHOLES have missed me!

2007-05-15T19:56:00.000-04:00

First my apologies, aparently I have a new found fan base and it's wonderful!
I thank all of you for posting and again I'm sorry for being away for so long.
I've been out of country, so how are the Yankees doing?

You know what's so wonderful to hear and read, it's that MASSHOLES have already declared winning the pennant this year! Oh how sweet it's going to be when they don't clinch the pennant... again!

How about Curt Schilling? I cannot make any comments about Curt since I received a threating letter from his "38 Pitches" website. Apparently they didn't like me saying that Schilling was a consultant on the movie "Schlinder's List" for the Nazi side! I don't have to comment any more on ole Curt, his mouth is doing everything and the discord that is happening on the Sux right now thanks to him will bring them down! I do love how down syndrome boy Papelbon said something to Curt about his comments.

So for all you MASSHOLES, and some Yankee fans that love to sound like they hate people like me because I bring on the hatred that Sux fans have for them...
grow a pair.
Try living among these racist, these drunks, these wife beating, child neglecting MASSHOLES for a week, it will change your opinion of them!
I have said it again, it seems like I always say it, but this is one of the best cities in the world, MASSHOLES should be ashamed of what they do to it every home game!
Here's a question for all the MASSHOLES out there. Can you name the starting line up for your team?

FUCK YOU, YOU FAKE FANS!
THAT'S RIGHT RED SUX FANS ARE A BUNCH OF FAKES!

So I live my life as a Yankee fan, I am proud of that even when they are losing, I stuck with them through the terrible 80's and will stick with them until the day I die, no matter how bad or good they are playing. To be a MASSHOLE you honestly can't say that, you won't stick by your team, you are the worst type of person in the world.
So to end congratulations on the pennant you guys really did a great job... OH THAT'S RIGHT THE SEASON ISN'T OVER YET MORONS!